Hajime
by Chiharu Kamoshiro
Summary: TokioSaitou - A look at the hidden life of Saitou Hajime through his wife's eyes. This takes place at the end of season 2. Please R&R!
1. Green Eyes

This is only the second fiction I've posted here, and not only my very first RK fic ever, but my first first-person. I spell checked it, but knowing me there are still mistakes here. anyway, please review!  
  
Chapter 1: Green Eyes  
  
The sun is still fairly high in the sky, the spring grass rolls like ocean waves every time the light breeze blows. For me though, I find myself only looking into the distance, onto the horizon where the earth connects with the sky. I'm thinking of him again.  
  
"Teacher?"  
  
I quickly snapped out of my trance at the small voice that questioned me. The young boy before me held up a white paper, the kanji of "day" messily strewn upon it.  
  
"Ah, good job Yoru-chan." I smile. The artwork that these young children accomplish always amazes me. I take the paper from his small hands and lay it beside the small pile forming at the small table I sit at. I don't want to collect it until the ink has dried, and Yoru always seemed to love using the black liquid on his papers. The boy has already gone back to his seat beside Kari.  
  
"Does anyone need help?" I ask, raising myself from the floor to look over the children in the room. As I expect, a young girl in the back raised her hand. I feel myself smile as I return to my feet and walk to the rear of the room, looking over my students' work as I go.  
  
"Ne dear, what is it?" I realized I forgot the girl's name as I kneel beside her.  
  
"Look." She says to me, a sob in the tune of her voice. "It doesn't look right."  
  
I turned the paper towards me so I can get a better look. As I do, her name floods back to my memory. "Amaya, I think it looks pretty."  
  
"No it doesn't." She protests.  
  
"Why not?" I ask, blinking my eyes at her with curiosity.  
  
"It's not straight." She finally says after some hesitation.  
  
I reach towards the end of the table she sits at and pull a clean, white piece of paper off the stack beside an empty inkbottle and brush. "Here." I offer, moving her kanji to the side slightly and laying the parchment before her. "You can try again, and you don't have to rush. If you go nice and slow, you'll like it more when it's finished, okay?"  
  
After a moment of staring, a smile appeared on Amaya's face and she nodded. I returned to my own table at the front of the class, and upon my resting position I see that all 23 students are busily occupied to finish the simple kanji I've had them learn. None of the children here are older than six, and I prefer them to be no younger than four. I love being in the presence of their expanding minds and creative observations, but I do like them to be organized and not rowdy. It makes my nearly everyday teachings at the Seishun Pre-school more enjoyable. After a few more moments, I find my gaze moving back to the window, back to the horizon that seems centuries away from me.  
  
~  
  
"Ja matta Hatoshiro-san!" I wave as the short man holds the small hand of another female student of mine. I bring my raised hand back down to meet my other and clasp them loosely against the fabric of my kimono.  
  
"Where's my mommy?" I hear Mamo say, tugging on the bow behind me.  
  
He's coming, don't worry." I smile to reassure him.  
  
"Oi, Tokio!" A familiar voice rang.  
  
I turn my head to see Eiji running towards me. He's come such a long way in the short time I've had him. He was a healthy 11-year-old boy, dressed in a clean, violet gi and white hakama pants. He waves his arm as he ran to get my attention further.  
  
"Eiji, what brings you here?" I ask.  
  
He takes a moment to catch his breath. "I wanted to... walk you and Kari-chan home." His eyes lower to the black-haired girl beside me, sitting patiently on the wooden porch that surrounds the small building. Her face instantly perks and she repeats Eiji's name in her young voice.  
  
"Eiji, you're so kind to us." And look from his back onto the road in front of the school. "I just have to wait for Mamo's mother, I can't leave him here by himself."  
  
Eiji nods and sits beside Kari. He watched her swing her legs a bit and noticed that her shoe was on wrong, and politely stopped her actions for a moment to fix it.  
  
"Mommy!" I hear Mamo yell loudly. His sudden voice startled me, but I look up to see another young woman approach the school, and Mamo practically leapt off the porch and into her arms as if I were tormenting him. However, the action only makes me laugh.  
  
Konnichi wa, Tokio." The brunette bowed slightly.  
  
I did the same. "Konnichi wa Makoto-san."  
  
"I hope he wasn't a trouble today." She says in an apologetic tone. "I know my Mamo can be a handful."  
  
I shake my head. "Oh no, he's a very good boy. He learned a new kanji today, ne, Mamo?"  
  
"Hai!" He calls out from his mother's arms.  
  
"Thank you for tending to him." She says to me. "I'll see you after the weekend."  
  
"Hai." I bow to her again before she turns and leaves down the street.  
  
"All right Kari, let's go." Eiji hopped off the porch and held onto my daughter's hand so she could do the same.  
  
Kari's other hand reaches up to mine, and I grasp it gently and begin my familiar walk back home. It's a peaceful, quiet day today, and I'm grateful for that. I will have to leave Kari in Eiji's attendance for a while this evening so I can go down to the market and buy some tofu for dinner.  
  
~  
  
Our walk lasts ten minutes, and the three of us finally step inside the gates of the property. Eiji kindly closes the door behind me and walks ahead to get the door to the house. He's such a polite boy; I really have started to feel like he was my son. I nod to him as I walk in, guiding Kari along as well, making sure she takes her shoes off before stepping inside.  
  
"I cleaned the kitchen floors today, Tokio." Eiji announces from behind me.  
  
I release Kari's hand and let her go off for a while. "Oh Eiji, you didn't have to do that."  
  
His tan face grins in a sudden ensemble of pride.  
  
"How was your schooling today?"  
  
Eiji moved towards the square table in the middle of the large living room, letting his legs give out underneath him. "Boring." He answers. That seemed to always be his answer.  
  
I sighed. "Eiji, do you not like the work or is it too easy for you?"  
  
He shrugs and falls onto his back, comfortably placing his hands behind his bed. "Who cares? You act like education is everything."  
  
I'm not quite sure what to say to that, so I just smile lightly, though he's not looking at me. "Gomen nasai, Eiji. I just want you to enjoy it."  
  
His brown eyes finally meet my dark green ones, and it seems as though my simple statement as made him feel guilty. "Fine." He exasperates. "I'll try to like it more."  
  
My smile widens and I nod. "Arigatou gozaimasu." I turn towards the kitchen, but stop before entering. "Eiji, do you know if we have any more peppers left in the garden?"  
  
"I can check if you want."  
  
"That's all right." Even if we don't have any, I know we have some turnips out there. As I walk into the kitchen however, out of sight, a suddenly feel a tinge of loneliness claw at my chest. It was as if the doorway was a portal into a void. I focus on the flowers sitting in the sunny window of the room, and their colorful attitudes seem to help me a bit.  
  
How long has it been now? From the date on the calendar at school, nearly four months... or at least I think. The last time I even heard from him was when Eiji arrived here, dirt clinging to his skin and tattered clothing, his mind angry with himself. I had gotten word from the police that Makoto Shishio had been finally defeated, but as for the whereabouts of him, I had heard nothing. He may not even be alive, and...  
  
I place my hand quickly over my mouth to calm myself. I really am used to this by now, but who can expect even the strongest of women not to worry? Almost immediately I exit the house through the kitchen, stepping onto the grass in my socks. The small garden is right close by, so I won't have to go far to get any vegetables or herbs I want for my cooking. When I reach that section of the yard I remember again that I need to buy tofu. After a few scannings of the garden, I determine that there aren't any peppers left, so I pick two turnips like I had previously planned, and head inside.  
  
~  
  
I tend to Kari after dinner until the sun has reached the mountains in the distance. I take her into her small room and begin laying out her futon for her to sleep in. Though there are other rooms in my home, Eiji stays in this one. Since his arrival he's treated Kari like his sister, and it puts me at ease to know that my four-year-old isn't sleeping alone. Kari clumsily pulls off the sash of her small kimono, knowing by routine that it's time to get into her nightclothes. I recognize the sea-green kimono she's wearing as one that I made a few months ago.  
  
After I fold her blankets back, I notice the empty space on the floor to my right. I assume Eiji is out back again, practicing with the broken sword he brought with him like he did every night. I stand up, seeing that my half-naked daughter is messily pulling through a dresser to find any particular thing to wear, so I get out the blankets for Eiji's bed as well and carefully lay them out for him.  
  
"Can I wear this?" Kari questions, holding up a peach kimono.  
  
"No." I say in a light tone. I don't think I could get my voice to go much harsher than that even if I tried. I stop in my working and get up, kneeling again beside Kari so that I'm more eye-level with the open drawer. "This is for day time, remember?"  
  
"I know, but..."  
  
"How about you wear it tomorrow, then all your friends can see." I suggest.  
  
"Okay!" Kari's green eyes sparkle at me, and I take a second to look at how much they resemble mine.  
  
"How about this?" I offer up one of her light gray sleeping robes.  
  
Instead of answering, Kari messes her short black hair by pushing it out of her face and hold her arms out, waiting for me to dress her. I do so, and pull the light blue sash across her stomach, tying a loose bow in it in case she needs to undo it during the night for any reason.  
  
I hear Eiji entering in downstairs as Kari climbs into her bed. The room is getting darker now, so I halt in her procedures for bed and stand up, going to the shelf where the oil lamp is. I keep it here so Kari can't reach it. I light it up a bit and bring it back down, still keeping it a good ways from Kari.  
  
"Lay down." I say, quieter. She does this, and then faces upwards with both arms tight at her sides like militants. I cover her with the blankets and tuck them in under her so she is warm and secure.  
  
"Would you like a story tonight?" I ask.  
  
She shakes her head. "I want a song." She knows that every night she can either hear a lullaby or be read to from one of her children's' books. She always gets to pick the story, but I always pick the song. I don't know if I'm an excellent singer, but I can carry a tune enough to put her to sleep and comfort her.  
  
"Still my angel, do not fear..." I begin singing. As my lullaby continues, Eiji walks into the room, not surprised to see his futon already laid out for him. He put his sword on another shelf and sits down, taking his socks off as if I'm not there. I only see it as a polite gesture not to disturb my song.  
  
When I'm finished is when I hear him speak. "Did you do the laundry?"  
  
I nodded. "I washed your robe, do you want it?"  
  
"Yes." After a moment, he remembers his manners and adds "please" to his statement.  
  
"Good night, Kari." I say to the now sleepy child. I stand up again and straighten my kimono before I head downstairs. I leave the door open behind me since I'll be returning soon.  
  
The laundry basket is in the hall near my bedroom. I didn't take the time today to put the clothes away, but Eiji's robe lies on top, so I grab it and turn back towards the stairs. All the clothes he wears now are still new to him, and I won't allow him to wear the raggy ones he first came in. It's not that I thought he was a beggar or anything, but he deserves better.  
  
~  
  
After Eiji finally curls up and rests, I return back downstairs to the bathroom. The bathroom itself is fairly small, but it connects directly to the bathhouse. With the light from my oil lamp, I face the mirror and begin removing the bobby pins from the back of my hair. I always wear it up, since it looks nicer that way and doesn't get in my face. Once I remove the center tie, my hair falls completely, the ends brushing against my lower back. In this light it looks jet black, but in the sun its dark green color comes through. I brush my bangs aside and look at myself. I am only 26, so for now I don't have any wrinkles or gray hairs that stare back at me. I don't gaze at myself long, I don't think I really need to.  
  
Once in my room I undress myself and put on my own sleeping robe, the light blue one that I usually wear. I take the time to set up my bed, and without further adieu I blow out my lamp and fall asleep.  
  
It's not until hours later that I wake up.  
  
I heard a noise, and it sounded like it was from the front door, so I imagine it's not Eiji or Kari. I roll onto my back and listen again. It's a person, but they sound too heavy to be either of the children, again. It does sound like they're trying to be quiet, but not quiet enough to be a robber...  
  
Then, my eyes shoot open even wider. Could it be him?  
  
I sit up and thrust the blankets off of me, possibly a little harder than I had intended to, and sprint on my toes towards the living room. As I get there I see the oil lamp kept by the door light up, and I stop in the hallway.  
  
"Saitou?" I ask in a loud whisper.  
  
The eyes illuminated by the small fire look up at me, and I recognize his face immediately. I'm surprised that he's suddenly shown up here, but my second reaction is relief that he's still alive.  
  
"You should go back to bed, Tokio." Is what he says, placing the lamp back on the shelf, still lit.  
  
Instead of doing what I should, I walk forward, his eyes watching my steps. I stop when I reach him, but instead of saying anything, I place my arms around him and rest my head on his chest, my height only reaching his collarbone. All I can say is "I missed you," and when the words escape my lips, even I can barely hear them. After a moment I feel one of his arms against my back, and again a feeling of relief comes over me.  
  
It only take a minute for him to step back and look me in the face, again saying "Go back to sleep." Although I haven't seen my husband in what feels like ages, I do what he says and return to my room.  
  
When I do return, I begin setting up another futon on the large floor, leaving an aisle clear between it and mine. After that I lie in bed quietly. It seems to take him nearly an hour to enter in again, and when he sees the futon, he goes to it.  
  
It's not until then that I fall back asleep. 


	2. Morning

Better late than never for this: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin nor any of its characters, so don't sue me unless you want to be paid in potatoes or something.  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, they made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Sorry for the late update, ffnet hasn't been letting me upload lately...   
  
Chapter 2: Morning  
  
I wake up early in the morning, but not early enough to beat the sun. Remembering the night before, I quickly sit up and look across the expanse of the room.  
  
He's still there.  
  
My dark eyes soften at his image, one I haven't been able to see for a long time. He's still fast asleep, and I don't blame him. If I had been working like he does for that long I'd sleep for days. One of his arms was strewn above him above his head, bent at the elbow. He still had the shirt of his police uniform on, but he had taken the jacket off. His long, thin bangs fell to either side of his face. I wanted to touch him, but I didn't want to wake him, and knowing him, he'd wake.  
  
I've personally known Saitou for nine years, though I've known of him for much longer, since I had spent most of my years knowing of our soon-to- be marriage. My stepfather had arranged it with his parents a few years after I was born. His mother and father are both deceased now. I didn't meet my fiancé until after the revolution, and it took a year after that of preparing before we actually wed.  
  
As quietly as possible, I pull my thin covers off of me and stand. I stop before going to my closet though to straighten the futon. I don't want to make noise and clean it up, but it shouldn't be laying out in a mess on the floor. After I'm done with that, I pad across the floorboard to the tall oak cabinets. I unlatch the doors silently, but swing them open quickly to avoid sound from the hinges. Inside are several kimonos hanging up, all facing the same way on their hangars. I remove the light peach one, the one with red flower petals up the left side, and a blue obi to go with it. I shut the doors gently and step around Saitou to the door. I'll dress in the bathroom today.  
  
~  
  
I all ready know what to cook for breakfast as the fire underneath the stove gets hot enough to begin heating the water I've placed upon it. Despite how odd it sounds, plain hot soba is a dish he likes, and it's simple to make.  
  
My gaze moves from the small pot of water to the window in front of me. I'm surprised Eiji isn't up, though he may be and I'm just not aware of it. Since I don't teach today, I'll let Kari sleep in. I usually try to make sure her and Eiji are up around the same time every morning. I'm not sure why, but I find that it keep their daily activities more organized.  
  
I adjust a pin in my hair while I wait for the water to boil. It comes to my mind that I should prepare something else in case the children dislike such an ordinary breakfast. I reach for the cupboard next to the stove and pull out a second pan, and return to the sink nearby to fill it with water from the pump. As I watch the cool liquid splash into the silver pan with every motion I make, I'm a bit surprised to see how concentrated I am on what I'm doing. Perhaps just knowing that he's back has reset the focus of my mind.  
  
I let the last few drops from the pump fall into the pan before placing it beside the first, which water is beginning to simmer lightly. Grabbing a wooden bowl beside me, I take myself silently to the other side of the kitchen, where three large barrels of rice stand. I take the lid off the nearest one, two-thirds of it all ready gone. A small cup is left inside of it for when I need it, which is often. I take the container and scoop it full of the un-cooked meal and pour it into the bowl, watching the single grains of rice wash over the wooden bottom. I do this three more times until I decide it is enough for breakfast. After placing the lid back on the barrel, I return to my stove-side to prepare the soba noodles.  
  
I really only have to wait a little while before my first pot of water is boiling so I can place the soba inside. I stir it around gently with a long wooden spoon, and see that my second pot is near ready as well. I remove the spoon from the noodles and simultaneously pour the rice into the second saucer. Both should take about the same time to cook, which makes preparing breakfast easier for me.  
  
As I stir the rice in, I feel my breath stiffen slightly. I know he's there without even having to turn around.  
  
~  
  
"DADDY!"  
  
The shrill does make me turn. It seems that Saitou isn't the only one up.  
  
Kari's short hair bobs around her face as she runs a bit clumsily through the living room, all ready dressed in the day's kimono--the same one she had wanted to wear the night before. Saitou's attention turns to her as she reaches him, and he kneels down in a way to keep Kari from painfully colliding into him. She runs hard into his arms, and he picks her up and holds her against his hip.  
  
"Kari, you've gotten bigger since I last saw you." He smiles.  
  
"I have?" She asks, excited.  
  
He nods, and Kari wraps her arms tightly around his neck, giggling.  
  
I feel a bit jealous, but my thoughts change as another face comes into my view.  
  
"Eiji, did you get Kari ready?" I ask, considering that she always needs help to dress in the morning.  
  
He nodded. I can see the change in his eyes when he recognizes Saitou.  
  
Saitou's voice is a bit lower when he addresses Eiji. "I see you are doing well."  
  
"What are you doing here?" Eiji immediately responds.  
  
"Eiji." I lightly scold, though I only use his name.  
  
Saitou raises an eyebrow at him. "This is where I live, boy."  
  
Eiji looks at him oddly, but his features change as if he remembered something. "Oh yeah..." He glances over at me. He doesn't say anything more, just shrugs his shoulders and goes outside. Kari debates for a moment and follows after him.  
  
"Gomen nasai, Saitou." I apologize as he puts Kari back on the ground. "He's just not used to you."  
  
"It's all right, Tokio." He reassures me.  
  
I wanted to say something more, but the sound of the boiling water catches my attention and I turn back around to it. I reach for the cupboard again and pull out a colander so I can drain everything before it becomes too soft. I drain the steaming soba noodles first over the sink, still leaving some water in to maintain the texture, and after placing them back into the pot I do the same with the rice. I have to let the rice cool before I can mold it, so it seems the soba will be ready first.  
  
"I made you breakfast." I tell him, noticing him reaching near me towards the cupboard. He continues and gets out a small bowl.  
  
"Thank you, I appreciate it." He answers.  
  
I gently take the bowl from his hands, telling him I don't expect him to serve himself. "You can sit down," I remind him after a pause. I think I catch him smile just a little before taking a seat in the kitchen. I guess it wouldn't make too much sense for him to sit in the dining area.  
  
"Do you have to work today?" I ask him, placing the soba noodles down before him with a clean pair of chopsticks.  
  
"Yes." He answers. "I have to report to Kawaji today, I seem to have let it slip my mind."  
  
I sit beside him. "When will you be back?"  
  
He looks up at me for a moment, meeting his orange-brown eyes with mine for a few seconds before returning to the food before him. "I don't know."  
  
I precede to tell him that I don't go to Seishun Preschool today, and I fill him in a bit on Eiji and Kari, the things they've been up to in his absence. I suppose the conversation was about what could be expected since I hadn't spoken to him person-to-person in a while, but it could just be the fact that he's eating. I want to ask him about Shishio, but I don't. I know from experience he prefers to leave the details of his work out of my mind.  
  
"He really is a bright boy." I add on when he's finished. I take his bowl and get up to take it to the sink.  
  
"I'm glad." He says, getting up as well. "I'm sure he's all ready learned a lot from you."  
  
I think I feel myself blush a little from the minor compliment, but I'm not facing him, so he can't see. He leaves for a minute, and when he emerges into my sight again he has his blue cap on and his sword at his left side.  
  
"Ja matta, Tokio." He says, nodding to me slightly and leaving out the same way Eiji previously had.  
  
I go to the doorway and watch him walk down the path of the property and out the front gate. As he goes, Kari runs across the front yard, a ball rolling just ahead of her. I follow her movements with my eyes, and Eiji appears behind her, staying close as she bends over to retrieve the round object. Eiji will make a good father one day.  
  
Kari's loud laugh wakes my attention back to her, and she throws the ball limply to Eiji, who sits down in front of her and passes it back. The sun shines of Kari's hair like it were ebony, and the streak of light it makes across her face illuminates her like an angel. Every time I see her I think of him, of that one night so long ago...  
  
"Oi, Tokio, is breakfast read yet?" Eiji asks, seeing me watching them.  
  
I regain my posture. "Oh Eiji, I forgot... it will be ready in a moment, hold on..." I retreat back inside towards the kitchen to finish the rice balls I had started earlier.  
  
~  
  
The morning continues on fairly normal, and until lunch I occupy myself by preparing a few things for my next school lesson and tidying my room as well as Kari's. I find after each task I complete and look out the nearest window to see if he's on his way home. I don't remember ever missing his presence this much, but it could just be that I've missed him. I miss the man whom I used to quietly sit with in the evening, not having anything to say to him, as if he were a stranger. Over the years my heart must have grown fond of him, perhaps more than I had realized. Kari is the constant reminder of that.  
  
After lunch I locate Eiji in his room, lying on the floor and looking at the ceiling.  
  
"Eiji," I begin, "Do you have any school work to do?"  
  
The adolescent glances at me, but waves my question aside.  
  
I sigh. "Eiji..." His silence tells me that he does. It must have been guilt that overtook him, because with a groan he sat up and folded his legs in front of him.  
  
"Yeah." He replies.  
  
"Would you like me to help you with it?"  
  
Eiji looks at me oddly, but sighs heavily (as if to make sure I notice) and agrees. He crawls over to the far corner of the room and grabs a bag that had been slung there, and puts on a small act of dragging it back. I smile though. I know the reason he does so is because he has developed some form of attachment to me, as I have to him. I know that he has no family left, but living here has given him a new one.  
  
"All right, let's see what you have here." I take the bag from him and open it up, pulling out a single book a several folded pieces of paper.  
  
"I don't have to do that." Eiji announces, pulling a paper out of my hand. "I finished it all ready."  
  
"That's good." What do you have to do?"  
  
"Math." He says blandly.  
  
I look at the book. It's a math book. I hand it to him, and instruct him to find the page his teacher had left him off on. He does, and somehow he knows which of the papers is his assignment. He only has the first problem done, but he's only been assigned ten. I look it over before getting him started, and it's generally all division. The first problem is done correctly, though his writing is a bit lopsided and several characters are scratched out. He has a thin brush with him, but no ink. I offer to go downstairs and get it for him, but he says he can do it himself and leaves momentarily. I have his book and papers laid out when he returns.  
  
I move over so that he can have the full space before his studies. He stares at the book for a moment, then dips the brush lightly in the ink bottle and writes down a character. I stop him before he finishes his strokes.  
  
"Fifteen, Eiji." I correct him. "It's easier if you look at the problem backwards as multiplication before you write down your answer.  
  
He nods and does so. I smile; he's patient with me.  
  
He sighs as he moves onto problem three. "I hate this." He grumbles.  
  
I watch him for a minute while he tries to contemplate the problem, and an idea comes into my head.  
  
"Eiji?"  
  
He looks up, probably frustrated that I interrupted his thinking. "What?"  
  
"I suppose if you do well in your school work for a while, I could find a dojo to enroll you in."  
  
At my remark his eyes light up. Since he's gotten here he's practiced with that broken weapon of his, and never once have I offered him any professional training, especially since I wanted him to settle into a school.  
  
"Really?" He asks, making sure he heard right.  
  
"Hai." I answer. "But only if..."  
  
"Got it!" He cuts in. When he returns to his paper, it's with a new vigor. I grin inwardly. I suppose methods like these that I've learned still work.  
  
~  
  
"Kari!" I call coming down the stairs, though my voice isn't loud enough for her to hear if she's not close. I have a good while before I need to start dinner, but going down to the market now isn't a bad idea. I have no problem with Eiji staying home, but I'd like Kari to come with me. I reach the living room and look around. She may be in the bathroom.  
  
"Kari?" I ask again, walking in my socks down the back hallway. I knock on the door. There's no answer, so I open it and peer inside. Sighing, I check my own bedroom just in case, and head towards the kitchen.  
  
"Kari, please come out." I peek into the kitchen, but it's silent. Of course my next assumption is that she's outside, so I go out the door in the kitchen that faces the garden.  
  
"Kari?" . . .  
"Kari?" 


	3. Kari!

Reply to Reviews:  
  
To Shiro: Thanks a lot for your review. Lol, I get told by my FY readers that I'm terrible with the cliffhangars!  
  
Chapter 3: Kari!  
  
The feeling that suddenly overwhelms me is excruciating. My heart bangs against the walls of my chest painfully, and my blood seems to burn hot while my fingers go ice cold. The feeling worsens as I encircle the house. She's always come when I've called, where is she?  
  
I dash to the bathhouse in the back, walking over the grasses with only my socks on. I run up the few wooden steps there and fling the door open, but of course it's empty as well. I just stand there, facing the empty apartment, feeling as though my lungs have shrunken so that I need more air. Where was she? Where was Kari?!  
  
"EIJI!" I shouted, running from the bathhouse to the main house, not bothering to shut the door behind me. "EIJI!" I shouted.  
  
He appears on the top of the stairs, and he looks worried since he's never heard my voice so frantic. "Tokio, Doushita?"  
  
"Eiji, do you know where Kari is?" I question, almost pleading as if he were holding her from me. "Kari, I can't find her!"  
  
His eyes go wide. He turned back away from the stair well and shouts her name, his feet banging against the floor as he runs between the few rooms on the upper level. As he does so I check the basement again, frantically calling for my daughter.  
  
"KARI!" There is the sound of fear in my voice, and as I turn to the next hiding place I feel a few tears fly from my eyes. "KARI!"  
  
Loud footsteps thump against the stairs and Eiji runs into the kitchen, where I am.  
  
"I can't find her Tokio! She's not upstairs!"  
  
Those words make the pain in my chest spread to my shoulders. "Look again Eiji, look again!" I order him. I rush after him but run out the front door, searching again.  
  
My eyes almost immediately catch onto the sight that forces my stomach up. The front gate -- it was unlatched.  
  
"Kari..." I whisper. She left? She wasn't tall enough to reach that lock! Had Saitou left it open?  
  
I turn on my heels to the wooden sandals outside the front door, and Eiji appears in the doorway out of breath as I put them on. A four year old alone in the streets of Tokyo could be lethal. How far could she have gotten?  
  
"Tokio!" Eiji speaks.  
  
"Stay here in case she comes back!" I dart off the porch and down the sandy path towards the gate, and fling it open. I don't know which way my little one could have gone, but I can't find her by myself. She could be anywhere by now.  
  
~  
  
My lungs all ready burn as I run down the streets of Tokyo, sure that I'm getting odd looks from other pedestrians. Oh please... any god that can hear me... please let her be safe, please!  
  
I scan the crowds desperately for her as I run, and with each unfamiliar face I see my pain grows heavier and my eyes go wetter. I grab the front of my kimono so I can run better, and the images of all the terrible things that could be happening to her flood through my mind; I'm sure I've left no possibilities unchecked.  
  
It seems to take me forever to reach it, the building seems so much farther than I remember it being. I don't even stop as I push between people and swing the door open. A man I don't know is sitting at the front desk, and he looks up at me strangely as I burst in, panting.  
  
"Miss, I..."  
  
"Fujita!" I shout. "Please, Get Goro Fujita! I need to see him!"  
  
He stands at my urgency. "What has happened?"  
  
"Please, get him!" I cry, my sobs escaping me with my words.  
  
I lean heavily onto the desk to catch my breath as the police officer runs out of the room to the back. Please don't let him be at call, please let him be here!  
  
I feel a hot tear fall down my cheek as the back door opens again, but I don't feel any noticeable relief when he emerges.  
  
"Tokio!" Saitou yells, no doubt from my apparent condition. He runs to me, grabbing my arms with his hands. "Tokio, what..."  
  
"Kari," I interrupt, almost not having the breath to speak anymore. "Kari, I can't find her anywhere. The gate was open, and... I called for her Saitou, but I can't find her!"  
  
His narrow eyes widen after my poor explanation, and he turns from me to the other officer. "Ko, I have to leave." He says seriously. "Tokio, please tell him of this." And with that, he releases me and runs out the front door.  
  
"Saitou..." I whisper.  
  
"Kari," Ko speaks behind me, "Please Miss, describe her to me. I can have officers out as soon as you do."  
  
I feel so confused as I look at him, my face stained with tears and my lungs burning from exhaustion. However, I do manage to muster some words together. "Kari... She's four, about this high..." I motion with my hand, my words still sounding eager. "She has short black hair and green eyes, and she's wearing a plain peach kimono." I stop again to catch my breath, but Ko doesn't push my any further.  
  
"Please stay here Miss." He instructs me before retreating again out of my sight.  
  
I stand there, leaning over with one hand on his desk, watching the back door intensely. I'm sure now that my erratic breathing isn't from running. I don't know how long I stayed in that trance before I came to my senses.  
  
Stay here? My only child is lost, unseen, and I have to stay here and wait? I've always done what I was told by my superiors, but the burning pain in my chest won't leave until I have Kari in my arms, safe.  
  
I relinquish the desk from my touch and head back out the front door, pulling the front of my Kimono up as I go. I head off in a different direction from which I came, but I'm not going as fast so I can search the small crowds for her.  
  
I feel my tears coming on again as I go. How could I have let such a thing happen? How could I have let Kari out of my sight for so long, with the gate unlocked and no one watching her? What decent mother would do that to her child?  
  
I stop walking and lean against the side of some unknown building, not being able to see straight through the watery veil over my eyes. I cover my face with my hands to hide my humiliation from watching eyes.  
  
No... I need to look for her. I can't cry now, I can't... and I won't. Pulling my hands away from me, I dry them on the sleeve of my kimono, and bring the sleeve up to my eyes to do the same. Saitou is looking, Eiji is watching the house, and police will be out soon. Kari... I have to find her, oh God, please let someone find her...  
  
Soon my feet are carrying me forward, but I can't find the internal strength to move faster than I am. The sun is still bright in the sky, so it's the best time to find her.  
  
I exit from the small alley I had stopped in and look around, trying to control myself. I keep my eyes low, so I don't waste time looking at adults when I'm looking for a small child. So many children still have black hair though, so I worry Kari won't stand out if I pass by her. I take a deep breath to calm myself. I'd ask if anyone has seen her, but right now I can't control my emotions well enough to do so. Who would notice such a young girl in the streets?  
  
~  
  
After what feels like eternity but probably is only an hour or so, I start in the direction of the house, my hand clutching the front of my kimono as I walk from the dreadful pain that threatens to overwhelm me. Kari may have only gone a small ways and returned to the house, and even not she may not have gotten out as far as I am, she's not familiar with these surroundings enough, so I hope she would have gotten scared and retreated. I still search constantly and thoroughly as I make my way back. I notice the hand enclosed over the fabric of my front is shaking, but I do nothing to relieve it.  
  
My socks are dirty from the sand of the road as I approach the gates, and when I slowly open them, Eiji is sitting on the front porch, his brother's sword at his side and his chin cupped in his hands. He looks up at me when I enter, hopefulness in his brown eyes.  
  
"Tokio...?"  
  
Immediately I know. Kari hasn't returned, he's sat and waited for her, but his luck has been the same as mine.  
  
I can't feel my legs anymore, so there is no pain in them when my knees collide with the ground of the front walk.  
  
"Tokio!" Eiji runs, kneeling at my side. He shakes my shoulders, and I think he's saying something, but I can't here him. The pain in my chest has reached my throat, and it hurts for me to swallow. I feel as though I've been hit in the stomach, and a tremendous nauseated feeling washes over me. I feel like I've swallowed a poison, one that I never meant to take.  
  
My fingernails dig into the hot earth and I cry again, hoping that my tears will release the stress in me. My clothes feel heavy and loose strands of hair stick to my face from the heat, and my eyes start to hurt from my torrid emotions. She hasn't been gone half the day yet and I feel as though I haven't seen her in ages.  
  
I'm a terrible mother.  
  
I notice Eiji helping me walk towards the house, and I force myself to keep my weight off him as he opens the door and the cool air of the house floods out. I don't even bother to take my shoes off, I just sink to the floor right inside the living room.  
  
I can feel Eiji standing over me, not sure what to do. He says something about keeping watch, but he's gone before I can figure his words out. If Kari is hurt, it's my fault. Kari has been with me everyday since she was born, and now I've lost her to surrender her to the outside world.  
  
"Please be okay..." My muffled voice prays. "Oh please, please let her be all right..."  
  
My speech chokes out as the nausea returns, and my sobs rack my body sharply as tears fall to the wooden floor I rest on. I don't remember falling asleep.  
  
~  
  
I wake up, and the room is dark, which means the sun has set. How long have a slept for? How late was it when I got back to the house?  
  
I'm in the same place, my legs folded against a wall, my shoulder bruised from the odd position I've remained in. The side of my face sticks to the floor slightly when I pull myself up. My eyes feel swollen despite my rest.  
  
After a few slow breaths I stand up, heaving my pathetic body forward with aid from the wall. I place my hands on the sliding door and open it to reveal a darkened sky outside.  
  
"Eiji?" I whisper.  
  
Eiji glances back at me, his features gloomy. He shakes his head.  
  
I don't cry though. I leave the door cracked open and walk back into the room, down to the table in the center of it. I kneel down and place my arms on its smooth surface, staring into the contours of the wood.  
  
At the sound of the front gate I look back towards the door. Did Eiji leave?  
  
"Kari!" he shouts. The name puts my full attention towards the door, but I'm frozen in place. Finally, the door opens completely, and a tall, blue clad figure stands there, holding Kari in both his arms. She's awake, but tired.  
  
Tears fall again, but they're not from despair. I leap off the floor and run towards him, and he releases Kari into my grasp. I hold her tightly to me, still crying, and then Kari joins me.  
  
"I'm.... s...sorry..." She hiccups. Her voice tells me that she's been crying for a long time too. I lower to the floor a bit so that she's standing, but I don't let go of her.  
  
"Oh Kari..." I whisper into her ear. "It's okay now, it's okay..."  
  
She starts crying again into my shoulder, her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. I glance up at Saitou, who's watching beside Eiji. I close my eyes and hold Kari tighter to me, in a way that feels like she could never leave me again.  
  
~  
  
It's very late at night when I come downstairs from her and Eiji's room.  
  
"I found her nearly a mile from here, near the Ikyobi fields." Saitou says, waiting at the bottom of the stairwell. "She wasn't hurt." He looks away at me for a moment, but I can't tell whether he's focused on something. "I'm pretty sure she was looking for me."  
  
I stopped on the stairs at that remark. It makes sense. Kari had gone months without seeing her father, and when Saitou came back she was only with him for a moment before he left. I realize that Saitou was looking away because of guilt.  
  
I reach the second to the last stair, so that I'm close to him and about his height. When he looks back at me, I lean forward slightly and encase my arms around his neck. He quickly embraces me to keep me from falling forward.  
  
"Thank you for finding her..." I whisper to him, pressing my forehead into the base of his neck. "Thank you..."  
  
His lips touch my jawbone and he brings me down to the floor, the elevation difference bringing his arms up higher on my back.  
  
"Tokio..." his undertone comes to me.  
  
I don't say anything, I only hold him close to me. 


	4. His Warmth

To Reviewers:  
  
I didn't realize I had gotten so many reviews! Gomen to whoever I forgot to reply to! I think most of you will be pleased with this chapter just by the title! I've been in a huge Saitou kick lately, so big update. I'm working on Chapter 7, and boy am I haveing fun with THAT.  
  
To Shiro: I'm glad you like my story! You're a very devoted reader, I appreciate it.  
  
To Jadegoddes and Kakashi-fan: Thank you very much for your reviews. (and yes, Saitou is dreamy.)  
  
Chapter 4: His Warmth  
  
Sun light stings my eyes as I open them, and I shade them with my hands until I adjust to the brightness of the room. I'm facing the futon next to me, and it's pulled closer than it had been the night before. However, it is empty, but the blankets are pulled over it neatly. I sit up, my long, dark hair falling over my shoulders as I do so. I pull my sleeping robe tighter around me and stand up. It's probably later in the morning than usual, since I stayed up so late last night.  
  
Then the memories of that night flood back to me, and I remember everything. Kari had left, but Saitou had brought her back, and after four months I finally got the chance to really be held in his embrace again.  
  
I glance down at his bed. I imagine he's all ready left for work, but I can never be too sure. Though he's a very dedicated police officer and isn't home as much as I'd like him to be, I feel a love for that man unlike one I've ever had for anyone else. I feel comforted to know that he trusts me with the secrets of his past, of the shisengumi, of his work, even though I know he keeps things from me, things he doesn't want me to know.  
  
I never would have expected I'd feel like this when I first married him. It wasn't a shock to me, my stepfather never allowed other men to court me in my younger years, so I had little interest in them. I won't say that sometimes knowing that I all ready had my husband picked out for me and that I couldn't choose for myself didn't bother me, but I did as I was told. When I married Saito eight years ago, it was like living in a house with a stranger. We were polite to each other, but we mostly stayed out of the other's way. I still cooked and cleaned like I do now, but more for a guest than a friend, or even a lover. I could barely carry a conversation with him for the first year, but I knew he was a good man, so I didn't complain. He provided for me and respected me, so I was happy. If I count now, I think it probably took two more years after that for me to start feeling something different for him, when I actually started feeling lonely when he was away, even just at work. I remember the night when I realized I was truly in love with him... it was the night that I conceived Kari.  
  
I blink my eyes and come out of my thoughts. I must have been standing with a dull look on my face for a minute there... I turn towards my dresser, and I notice that Saitou's uniform is gone. I pull open the doors of my wardrobe and find a light blue kimono with a blue sash, and I remove it from the hangar and dress there. When I'm done I realize I should probably bathe before I head to the preschool later, and I could do some more laundry on top of that. Because of this reasoning, I only braid my hair for now; it's no use to do anything extravagant with it.  
  
~  
  
When I open the sliding door to the hallway I hear one of Kari's loud giggles coming from the kitchen. I follow them, rubbing the rest of sleep from my eyes, and when I get into the living room I see a glimpse of her foot through the kitchen entrance. Confused, I crank my neck and walk into the living room, a surprised expression appearing on my face.  
  
It wasn't Eiji who was with her, but Saitou. Kari's grip encased around two fingers on each of his larger hands and she bounced on the floor happily, a wide smile on her face, one that reflected off the grin of her father. She shouted "Again!" several times, and at the peek of one of her jumps Saitou would lift her up with his hands and land her somewhere else in the room.  
  
I don't know why I'm in such awe as I watch this, but I am. I quietly watch the interaction between these two as if by revelation, and a strange desire forms in my chest as I am allowed to spectate unnoticed. A sudden but light scent reaches me, and I notice that Saitou had started what looked like miso soup on the stove.  
  
"Mommy!"  
  
I jump and my hand instinctively flies up to my heart as my focus shoots back to the duo. Before I have time to reply, Kari's weight thrusts into my legs, embracing me with a one-sided hug. I loosen her grip a bit and kneel down to meet her so I can hug her back. I think the reason for this is, though she is four, Kari had some remaining worry and guilt left in her from the day before.  
  
"How long have you been awake Kari?" I ask, looking at her green eyes.  
  
"Since morning." She replies. Of course I can't expect a better answer from her.  
  
I stand up and look at Saitou, seeing that his calm demeanor has all ready returned. "Aren't you going to work today?" I ask.  
  
He shakes his head. "I'll be at home today, Tokio."  
  
I feel myself smile, and I see a glint in his eyes that tells me he notices. He raises a hand to his mouth and clears his throat, turning to the miso soup on the stove.  
  
"I'm going to get Eiji!" Kari announces to us, running from the kitchen.  
  
I watch her as she leaves, remembering for a moment the scare of the night before.  
  
"You didn't have to make breakfast, Saitou." I finally say.  
  
"I may as well do something with my time since I won't be working today." He replies. "When do you leave for school?"  
  
"A little after noon." I answer. I look out the window to guess the time; there isn't a clock in the kitchen. "I have my lessons ready for today, but I still need to take a bath before I leave." I glance into the living room. "I have less time then I thought..."  
  
Saitou removes the pot off the stove and onto a pad on the counter. "I'll run the water for you." He states.  
  
He gets a somewhat dazed reaction from me. "Arigatou." I finally say. That is a very kind thing for him to do for me.  
  
"Oi Tokio, what's cookin'?"  
  
I turn around to see Eiji come in, hands linked with Kari. Kari swung her arm with his happily.  
"Saitou made us miso soup." I answer, smiling.  
  
Eiji looks past me at the taller man. "He can cook?"  
  
I laugh lightly and turn to see his reaction. Saitou is taking out a cigarette.  
  
~  
  
I relax my shoulders into the warm water, hearing the faintest crackle of wood from the fire under the bathhouse. My long hair is pulled up on top of my head out of the water. I should only relax here for a little while, it's terrible for a teacher to be tardy, especially when she has to guide so many young souls.  
  
My eyes open onto the wooden roof of the house, and they follow along a single plank of wood among the rafters.  
  
I sigh. A worry that has been in the back of my mind for some time now finally arises, not wanting to be ignored anymore. I really hate worrying so much, but I can't help it.  
  
Saitou. I still haven't asked him about Kyoto. Not only have I not really gotten the chance to, but I don't know how to bring it up. Was he hurt at all? I can see for myself that nothing serious happened, but something as simple as a shirt could hide a world of pain from me. And he went back into work so soon after too. Why is it so hard for me to just ask him? I want to know so badly about him, about Shishio. I know the Hitokiri Battousai was there as well, what kind of man is he now though? I was surprised when I first heard his name from Saitou, though he never went into detail. I hadn't heard of the legendary manslayer since I was about 15 in the revolution.  
  
I sit up in the large tub and hug my knees to my bare chest, fixing my eyes onto the clear, rippling water. "Saitou..." his name escape my lips. "I want to know Saitou, but would you ever come to me and tell me? Do I have to ask?" I speak quietly. I don't want to upset him, he's always such a serious person, I can't see what he really thinks, what he really feels.  
  
I pull the tie out of my hair and it falls dry onto the surface of the water. I rest back again and submerge myself completely into the water, resurfacing after a moment. My bangs are mingled in with the rest of my hair, leaving my forehead uncovered.  
  
I love him so much, but I sound like a hypocrite to myself. Why is it so hard for me to just go up to him and declare how I feel? I've said it before, but how long ago? Have I always been this shy?  
  
My hand reaches for the pale yellow bar of soap resting on the edge of the tub. I rub it smoothly up and down both of my arms, then I roll it in between my hands until I have some good suds going. I lift one leg out of the water, then the other, washing away any remaining dirt from my body. I get some more suds on my fingers and palms and stroke my hands through my hair, trying to be careful to not create too many knots in the fine strands. Finally I go back under the water, holding my breath to remain in the warm liquid as long as I can. I come back up for air and rinse the water through my hair again, and then I stand up in the tub, wringing the water out of my hair and shaking my feet off when I step out. I grab one of the towels from the small stack on a low shelf and bend over so that my hair falls towards the floor. I take the white linen and wrap it around my head and over my ears, twisting it off before standing upright again. I take a second towel and begin to dry myself off, making my way to the hook where my blue kimono is hanging.  
  
I wrap the towel around my shoulders to get the rest of the drops on my back and remove the kimono from the hook, my thin, white, under robe beneath it. I put that on first and then the kimono itself, and it takes me a good five minutes to get my obi settled on me just right, tying it in the desired style against my back. I take the towel off my head and place it with the other in a hamper near the door. Back on the shelf is a wide toothed comb, and I run it through my wet locks before leaving. There's no mirror in here, so I prefer to do my hair in the bathroom of the house.  
  
I step outside into the fresh, cool air, which is a relief from the steamy environment I had just been in. I can hear a few cicadas chirping, hidden beneath the grasses and leaves of the yard.  
  
My eye catches something.  
  
I turn towards the tall fence at my left, a dark one draped in vines. I take a step toward it, but it's not worth investigating. I could have sworn I saw a man's face, but the fence is built high enough to keep pedestrians from peering through. Me and my paranoia again...  
  
I walk towards the house and enter in through the sliding door of the kitchen. I pass into the living room where Eiji is trying to keep Kari still enough to fix the big, pink bow to her own kimono.  
  
"Eiji, where is Saitou?"  
  
Eiji looks up at me. "I think he went outsIDE!" He nearly fell forward as Kari tried to bolt forward like a young pup.  
  
I laugh. I know I probably shouldn't, but the sight of Eiji trying to tame that girl was amusing. However, Kari is starting to fuss, so I interfere.  
  
"Kari," I say her name slowly, "Let Eiji help you. It will get done a lot faster if you stand still."  
  
Kari frowns, but she folds her arms all the same and stands still with her feet together like a soldier.  
  
I turn and head for the front door. I should be outside anyway so that my hair will dry faster. As I open the thin door, I see Saitou on the porch, standing, leaning against a wooden support beam. He has a lit cigarette in his hand.  
  
"You don't need to wear your uniform if you're not going to work, Saitou." I remind him, stepping up beside him, placing a hand on his arm.  
  
"This is easier to get around in." Saitou responds, "and a police officer is never off duty."  
  
"You're right, of course." I say.  
  
Saitou drops his cigarette and covers it with the sole of his shoe, standing straight to relieve his weight off the beam.  
  
He's so much taller than me. I find my gaze automatically has to look higher.  
  
"Saitou, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." There, I said it. Or at least I'm going to say it; ask it.  
  
He looks at me with the slightest hint of curiosity. "What is it?"  
  
Is now even a good time? I bring my hands together in front of me. "I know I really shouldn't be asking, but I'm just worried..."  
  
Just then the door pushes open and Kari skips out, instantly wrapping her arms around one of Saitou's long legs. "Hi daddy! I'm done!" She declares.  
  
"I see that." Saitou smiles. He picks her up and rests her small body on his hip. "What would you like to do?"  
  
I sigh. His persona is completely different when he speaks to Kari. I'm glad for it though. He's a good father. I hope that he can be home long enough to bond further with Kari. Kari loves him, even though I feel that too much time from her years has been spent knowing her daddy is in another city, another island of Japan.  
  
"Tokio," Eiji calls my attention away from the others, "remember what you said, about my school work?"  
  
"You mean enrolling you in a dojo?" I ask, folding my arms with superiority.  
  
"Yeah." Eiji scratches the back of his head. "How good do my papers need to be for that?"  
  
I think for a moment. "Well, I want you to do your best, Eiji. I'll have to decide that later, but even after you're enrolled you'll have to keep up your scores. You'll also need to check with Saitou."  
  
Saitou looks over at the mention of his name.  
  
I meet his gaze. "I told Eiji that if he does well with his schooling, we could enroll him in a dojo so he can learn kendo."  
  
Saitou nods. "It's fair." He looks towards Eiji.  
  
I watch these two, almost oblivious to the words their exchanging. I wonder how Eiji feels with Saitou back. He had taken the rolls as the man of the house, but with Saitou, he's returned to being just a child. I hope they begin to bond as well.  
  
~  
  
"I think it would be good practice for Mamo if he tried to recognize the kanji we're learning write now." I explain. I hand the young mother the list I had been holding. "These are the ones I've been having the children draw. Doing something as simple has hanging them up around the house can help Mamo to learn faster. He really is a bright boy."  
  
Mamo's mother smiles at me. "Arigatou Gozaimasu, Tokio-san. He loves your class very much, he's quite the talker when it comes to the Seishun."  
  
I know I must be beaming at those words, and I bow politely. "Arigatou Makoto-san. I enjoy him in my class as well." I look down at the young boy hanging off Makoto's hand. He smiles at me.  
Makoto's stare moves beyond me, and she smiles. "I see Goro is back, ne?"  
  
I turn around to see Saitou walking towards the pre-school, and Eiji is a few steps behind him, not able to fully keep up with Saitou's long strides.  
  
"Hai." I answer, still watching Saitou. "He took work off today."  
  
Makoto stepped up beside me. "Has he been watching Eiji?"  
  
I nod. "Though Eiji is a very responsible boy. He takes good care of Kari."  
  
"It's so kind for you to take him in too..."  
  
I quickly hush Makoto when Eiji gets closer. I don't like reminding him that he wasn't always part of the family.  
  
"Konnichi wa Makoto." Saitou's low voice appears beside me.  
  
Makoto bowed. "Konnichi wa Fujita-san." She looked towards Mamo. "Shall we go?"  
  
"Hai!" Mamo smiles. Makoto gives one last nod to us before she heads back down the rode, her hand clasped tightly with her son's.  
  
"Is that all of them?" Eiji asks.  
  
"Hai." I say, my voice apparent of my good mood. "Eiji, Kari is sitting inside. Would you bring her for me?"  
  
Eiji nods and heads for the preschool. Instead of taking the stairs though, he bounds onto the porch with one leap, entering through the all ready open door.  
  
I shake my head. "Still a few things to work out, I suppose." I turn towards Saitou, the same bright smile still on my face. "What did you two do today?"  
  
Saitou smiles a bit at my countenance. "I didn't spend all my time with him, but I did improve on his form today."  
  
I blink at him a few times. "Form? Oh, for kendo?"  
  
Saitou nods.  
  
My smile returns. "I'm glad. I think in some ways, you two have a lot in common."  
  
My statement seemed to confuse him.  
  
"Oi, Tokio!" Eiji calls out, Kari on his back. He takes his time down the steps this time. I would have spoken to him if he had jumped down that far with Kari secured to him like that. Kari has an ink drawing in one of her hands, and it waves in front of Eiji's neck as he bounds towards me.  
  
"Well, let's go home." I suggest, turning towards the direction of our house.  
  
~  
  
"Faster! Faster!" Kari screeches, laughing as Eiji runs ahead when our gates come into view. I'm calmly walking with Saitou. Both his hands are in the pockets of his uniform, but one of my hands rests on the inside of his arm as we walk.  
  
"Tokio." He says my name.  
  
"Hai?" I look up at him.  
  
"Earlier, you said you needed to speak with me." His tone is serious, like usual.  
  
My smile slowly disappears as I look over to Eiji and Kari. "It wasn't anything... important." I say.  
  
I don't look at him, but I know how he's looking at me. He knows I'm lying. I guess I'm a terrible liar, and I don't know whether that trait is good or bad.  
  
We enter in through the gates, Eiji and Kari all ready stepping p to the porch, where Eiji carefully lets Kari down. I make sure to lock the gate after we're all in.  
  
"Saitou, what would you like for dinner?" I ask him as we enter the house.  
  
"You know what I like, Tokio."  
  
I sigh. "I'm not making soba again." I declare rather profoundly. "You need to get some new tastes." I find myself slightly proud with myself. Though he had been away for a while, the longer Saitou stayed here the easier my speech with him came. It was always hard for me to talk to him when he got back from these long journeys, but we were finally getting back into the usual groove of things.  
  
"Kari." Saitou called her, "What would you like for dinner?"  
  
Kari puts a finger to her chin and thinks for a moment. "Mmmm..."  
  
Eiji leans over and whispers something to her.  
  
"Koyadofu!" Kari yells out Eiji's request.  
  
I look into the kitchen. "Do we have any mushrooms?"  
  
Eiji nods. "I checked this morning, we have just enough."  
  
"Ah, so you had this planned?" Saitou asks casually.  
  
I laugh a bit. "All right, I'll get started on that. I should have it done in about an hour."  
  
Eiji raises his hands in a sense of victory.  
  
"Eiji, I wanna play." Kari tugs on his sleeve.  
  
I don't hear the rest of their conversation since I'm in the kitchen. Sure enough, I find some dried mushrooms in a small canister on the shelf near the rice, and I bring them over to the sink. Then I remember what else is in Koyadofu.  
  
"Eiji!" I call, trying not to be too loud, "Eiji, will you please go buy some tofu?"  
  
~  
  
I bring my hand up to stifle a yawn. Saitou was putting Kari to bed, and I think Eiji was staying up a little later than her. I had just finished putting on my night robe and taking my hair down, and it fell over my back smoothly since I hadn't put it into a braid yet. I kneeled down onto my futon. I set both of them up before I got dressed as well. I glance out the window in the bedroom, seeing the deep blue sky outside. The dim light of the room enhanced it a bit, since the candles really couldn't compare to normal daylight.  
  
"Saitou..." I whisper his name again. I know he's fine, I know it, but I want to know so badly what happened with Shishio Makoto. But if it were bad, would I want to find out? There was only one thing I knew about from Saitou's journey, and that was how he found Eiji, which he obviously explained to me when he brought him here. I've never pressed Eiji for anything... it would bring painful memories of his parents, and his brother, back to him.  
  
"Tokio."  
  
I look up to see Saitou coming in, taking off the blue jacket of his uniform.  
  
"Did Kari get to bed all right?" I ask, not seeing if he had intended to say something to me.  
"Yes, she should be sleeping now." Saitou answered. He hung the jacket up on a hook attached to the wall--mostly for that purpose.  
  
"That's good." I reply.  
  
Saitou knelt down on his own futon, but faced me. I looked at him quizzically, seeing something uncomforting in his expression.  
  
"Nani?" I ask.  
  
"You wanted to speak with me, alone, I take it." He reminded me.  
  
I frown in my mind. I knew he knew I was lying.  
  
"It really wasn't..." Oh Tokio, stop it. Don't pursue something you don't want. "Actually, there was something."  
  
He listened.  
  
"I..." I take a breath, "I want you to tell me... what happened with Shishio Makoto." There, plain and simple.  
  
Saitou nodded, as if knowing I was going to ask him that sooner or later. He repositioned himself facing forward, his legs crossed in front of him. "You're all ready aware of what you need to know, Tokio."  
  
I look down at my hands. Of course he'd say something like that. I know he's all ready put so much faith in me with everything, but...  
  
"Please..." I didn't realize I said that until a moment after it came out.  
  
Saitou's amber eyes glance towards me.  
  
I'm still looking at my hands when I speak. "Saitou... I... I worry about you..." Oh please Tokio, please don't cry... "I know it's not my place to ask, but I just... I want to know that you're safe."  
  
I pause for a moment, but he doesn't say anything. I hope my voice didn't reveal my weak spirit.  
  
"You don't have to tell me everything... but please Saitou, tell me something. Onegai shimasu..."  
  
I hear the movement of fabric and that's when I look up, seeing him kneel down in front of me. I feel tears in my eyes, but luckily I'm able to blink them away before they fall.  
  
"Tokio," He says softer this time, placing his hands on my arms, "Tokio..."  
  
I find myself staring right into his eyes, unable to pull away. "Gomen... ne..."  
  
"I did fight with Shishio," He whispers as if not to wake someone, "and with one other man, but nothing has come of it. I am fine."  
  
I still watch him, I watch his eyes, and he's watching mine. "Anshin...saseri..." I manage to say. I lean forward, resting my forehead in the valley between his neck and shoulder, closing my eyes. "Gomen nasai, Saitou..." I whisper, "I worry about you..."  
  
Saitou grasps my shoulders and pulls me away from him. "Nothing will happen, Tokio." He reassures me.  
  
I feel my eyes water again. He's so kind to me. Oh Saitou, I love you so much...  
  
Without thinking much of it, I push away one of his hands and lean in closer to him, brushing my lips carefully against his, my hand pressing lightly against the smooth skin of his cheek. When he moves in closer to me, I instantly feel his warmth spread throughout my body, a sensation I haven't experience for what feels like eternity. I lift myself up just enough to connect with him fully, the feeling of him utterly blissful. I feel myself pleading with him as our kiss slowly grows deeper.  
A knock comes at the bedroom door and it opens, and by instinct I quickly pull myself away from him, the luxurious warmth gradually fading from me.  
  
"Is Kari sleeping?" Eiji asks, poking his head into the room.  
  
I nod. "Hai, Eiji... You'll have to be quiet so you don't wake her."  
  
Eiji moves back into the hallway. I get a glimpse of his brother's sword in his hand as he closes the door and leaves.  
  
A small sigh escapes me, but my mind is at ease. Saitou is still beside me, though his head is turned towards the door. I pull aside the covers of my futon. When Saitou turns back to me, I kiss him softly once more.  
  
"Oyasumi." I whisper.  
  
~  
  
I sleep well that night, and my dreams are ones that comfort me. However, I don't get through the entire night.  
  
I wake up, my eyes looking about the darkness. Saitou's breathing is beside me. I relax back into my pillow, but that uneasy feeling won't go away.  
  
Then I sit up. I was sure I heard something that time. Was Kari up for a glass of water?  
  
Despite trying to reason with myself, I very silently get out of bed and tip toe through my room, opening the door out into the hallway. I wrap my robe tighter around myself, hearing a different noise this time. It's not from the kitchen though, but from the front yard.  
  
I slow down a bit in my step, still holding my robe to me as I get closer to the door. I hear it more now, almost like men in the distance conversing with each other. I see the faintest light through the cracks of the thin door. My hand reaches out to it, and ever so slowly I move it, peering out to see what was going on... 


	5. The Ones Who Followed

Chapter 5: The Ones Who Followed  
  
I slow down a bit in my step, still holding my robe to me as I get closer to the door. I hear it more now, almost like men in the distance conversing with each other. I see the faintest light through the cracks of the thin door. My hand reaches out to it, and ever so slowly I move it, peering out to see what was going on...  
  
I see two eyes peering back.  
  
I gasp and fling myself backwards, the front door bursting open, the wood and paper busting and tearing from the front man's blow. Several of these men, dressed in black, stand at the front door, a look of pure evil on each of their faces. One in the back holds a single torch for light, the ones in the front have long, wooden staffs, each armed with a silver blade at its top.  
  
I take another step back, and it signals for them to charge. Before I know it, the flood of these men is racing at me, their weapons pointing towards me as if I were game for them to hunt. I turn around as quickly as I can, and run.  
  
"SAITOU!!!" I scream, trying to get away from these intruders, my covered feet slipping against the wooden floorboards. "SAITOU!!!"  
  
My hands collide with the wall as I push myself into the hallway, the step of the men behind me. Tears rush from my eyes and my heart races. I shove open the door to my room and run in. He's standing there, alerted from my screams. I don't stop, but collide into his chest, clutching onto him from protection as I look back at the door. There are five men standing there, their countenances illuminated by the single torch.  
  
Saitou's arm wraps around my waist as he pulls me behind him.  
  
"Saitou Hajime... "The front man says, smiling at his own, sick humor. That's all he says. No explanation, no reasoning. He just lunges forward, that horrible weapon pointed at my husband's throat.  
  
His tight grip surrounds my arm and I'm thrown towards the back of the room, landing hard on the ground near my futon. I lift my head to see a different man collide in with my husband, Saitou's hands holding back the knife threatening him. In one swift motion he grabs another part of the spear, twisting it free from the other man's hands, the blunt end coming in sharp contact with his forehead. Two more men come at him, and I cover my eyes with my hands, shaking and sobbing in that dark corner. I get the courage to peek, and I see Saitou's fist hit a tall man in the stomach, then his elbow hit his face, the force throwing the man into the hallway, breaking off a piece of the bedroom door as well. The man with the torch still stands there, his face the most visible to me. He looks terrified, and he winces as the last man in struck in the shoulder with the spearhead and thrown out too. I want to close my eyes again, but I can't. The men, from what I can see, scramble quickly to their feet. The man drops the torch onto the floor and runs with them, their voices yelling through the living room and out of the house.  
  
Without hesitation, Saitou grabs the blanket off of his futon and throws it over the torch, putting the fire out before its given chance to expand. He stomps on it to be sure.  
  
I sit there, my breath so quick that I can barely feel any oxygen enter into my lungs. My hands are shaking against the floor, and my cheeks are wet from my tears. What had just happened? Who were those men?  
  
"What's going on?!" I hear Eiji yell from the stairs. Kari's crying can be heard as well.  
  
Saitou comes over to me, kneeling before me. "Tokio, are you all right?" He asks, extremely serious.  
  
I just look at him, frightened, and nod my head the best I can. I fling myself into him again and instantly feel his arms surround me to comfort me.  
  
Eiji appears in the doorway. "Tokio! Saitou! Are you okay?!" He shouts. "What happened?!"  
  
Saitou pulls away from me and stands up. "Eiji, run to the police station, now." He says firmly.  
  
Eiji grips his sword and turns on his heel, running through the hallway.  
  
With support from the wall, I manage to stand up as well. "Who... who were those men?" I ask, my voice shaking too.  
  
"What happened?" Saitou asks me.  
  
I shake my head, more tears coming. "I don't... I don't know! I heard a noise, I got up and went to the door... and..."  
  
Saitou moves into the hallway, disappearing out of sight for a moment, probably to scan for any more intruders. There weren't any, since he came back. To my relief, he's unscathed. I notice two spears lying on the floor, and Kari's wailing continues from upstairs.  
  
~  
  
The morning is so early that only an ounce of the sun's aura can be seen over the distant mountains, a cold, blue feel about the air and sky. I sit in the far corner of the living room, Kari's torso resting in my arms, her head on my shoulder. She hiccups every now and then from her cry, but other than that she is silent and still. I don't think she's sleeping, but she's tired. I've sat with her for two hours now, watching the police investigate our house, reassure neighbors that everything is fine. Kawaji-san and Muraki-san are both here as well, and Muraki was kind enough to sit with me for a moment and try to explain what they knew. There were only five men, and the police were out looking for them. They had the two spears as evidence, and I imagine they cleaned up any blood that may have fallen in my room. The men were government rebels, and by the looks of the weapons they used and how we described them, they were probably ex soldiers from Shishio Makoto's army, ones who didn't conform to Meiji rule--ones who had comes for my husband. I can only thank god that they were ill prepared.  
  
I take a deep breath to calm myself again. I don't see Saitou fight very much. I start to wonder what would have happened if he had had time to pick up his katana, and for a second's time I'm glad that he didn't. As I glance towards the front door, I can just barely make out Eiji's shadow. He's been sitting out there for a while. Normally I'd have him come in, but with the start of the summer months, there's really no need to.  
  
"Miss, may I see your daughter?"  
  
I look up to see another policeman standing over me. I don't recognize him, but I know he wants to see Kari for injuries.  
  
"H-hai." I answer. I carefully stir Kari and stand up, bringing her to her feet as well. She blinks her tired eyes and yawns.  
  
"There there." The policeman squatted down to her level. "What's your name?"  
  
"Kari." I answer for her, seeing how out of it she was.  
  
"That's a pretty name." He tells her, looking at her arms.  
  
"She wasn't involved." I inform him. "She and the boy were upstairs."  
  
The man nods and stands up to his full height, which is a few inches taller than me. "Forgive me, my name is Shiba Keichirou." He steps towards me. "If it is all right, I'd like to check you for injuries as well."  
  
I gesture my consent. He has me hold out my arms to him, which aren't hurt at all. There's a small bruise forming on my elbow though from where I hit the ground when Saitou pushed me out of the way.  
"Is Goro-san all right?" I ask as he begins to turn me around.  
  
"Hai, he is. It would take more than this to hurt him..." He stops talking. "Miss, you should get that treated."  
  
Confused, I look back at him, and feel one of his fingers touch my back.  
  
"It's not deep. Please, wait right here, I'll be back." Shiba leaves Kari and me for a moment and heads out to the porch.  
  
Confused, I reach my hands behind me and feel my robe. A quick stinging pain makes me pull my hand away, and I examine it. My first two fingers have blood on them. I'm surprised, to say the least. I must have been in too much shock to feel it... it must have happened when I was running for Saitou, one of those spears must have glided across my back.  
  
Much more carefully now I feel back again. It's hard to tell with my robe on, but the cut seems to be about six inches long, but like Shiba-san said, it's not very deep. I guess I got lucky.  
  
He returns with a small bag, one I recognize as a doctor's. He asks me to kneel down so he can see the wound. I wonder if he's actually going to make me undress or cut the robe, but instead I feel him press a cloth to my back. It hurts for a moment, but it dulls down a bit. I can feel my pulse on the wound now. I imagine he's trying to stop any more bleeding.  
  
I hear more footsteps coming towards me, and I look up to see Saitou, a fairly shocked look on his features.  
  
"Is she all right?" He asks.  
  
Shiba nods. "Just a small cut on her back, Fujita-san. It's nothing serious."  
  
~  
  
The police leave after the sun has come up, still in the cool hours of the morning. I've changed into a kimono, and under its fabric I have some light bandaging that wraps over my shoulder and above my navel a few times. I can take it off in four to seven days, after the wound has closed completely. I watch the police leave through the broken door. It's something I'll be sure to fix before I leave for preschool this afternoon. I know I'll have time to, because I know none of us are planning on going back to bed.  
  
I wonder if any more men like that will come...  
  
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see Saitou next to me. He's watching the police leave too, but eventually he looks down to me.  
  
"I will stay home this morning to clean up, but I'm on duty this afternoon." He tells me.  
  
"Hai." I answer. We stand in an eerie silence, watching the street even after the officials had left.  
  
"Tokio,"  
  
"Saitou," I interrupt, though I really shouldn't. "Arigatou gozaimasu." I say a bit quieter.  
  
He looks at me for a moment and acknowledges my gratitude before looking back at the empty street, and I am glad to feel his hand still resting on me.  
  
~  
  
"Sit in a circle children!" I announce later that afternoon. Despite the scare of the night before, I refuse to cancel a class with these gifted youngsters. The small tables in the bright room have all been pushed aside and were lined up against the walls, and the children sat in a large circle, their legs all crossed in front of them. A good number of them bounced giddily, excited for the activity.  
  
I hand a coin to three of the children in the circle and tell them to pass it around after they look at it. "This is one yen." I announce, watching the silver coins pass under the awe of the children. "How much is it?"  
  
"One yen!" The children shout back.  
  
"Very good!" I exclaim. Once each child has gotten a chance to hold the coins, I collect them. I place them in my palm and walk around the outside of the circle. "How many yen do I have?"  
  
About four children shout out the answer of three, and upon hearing it the rest follow suit. I place the coins inside my sleeve to search for more.  
  
"Very good." I announce again. I hold up a gold coin with a hole in the middle of it. "This is 5 yen, even though it's only one coin." In my other hand, I hold up the silver piece again. "It takes five of these to make this."  
  
I get varied responses from the kids, everything from gasps to giggles.  
  
"Okay," I begin again, "I'm going to hold up some coins, and I want you to show me on your fingers how many yen I have." I fish a hand into my red sleeve again to grab the rest of the coins that I've kept free from my purse. I hold up two silver pieces.  
  
Most of the children hold up two fingers, and those who didn't quickly changed their answer after looking around. I palm the coins in my other hand and hold up two fingers, and the children all smile.  
  
I hold up the gold coin. The hands go up again, though Yoru accidentally yells out "five!" Then I take out five of the silver coins and hold them out so everyone can see, and I'm please to see they haven't changed their answer. I do this a few times over, repeating many of the same numbers to help the children remember them. Finally, I put the money away and clap my hands.  
  
"You are all very smart!" I declare. "Very good job. Did you like this?" I'm always sure to ask when we do something new. If the children don't approve of it, they won't want to learn it.  
  
"Hai!" The youthful voices sing.  
  
I smile. "Okay, lets fold our arms and get in a straight line for water, okay?"  
  
The children all hop to their feet and line up in front of me, folding their arms in a single file line. A few of them switch places or step out of line to run to the back, but I wait patiently until they're all ready. They know that if they push or try to cut in front of another student, all of them will have to sit back down so we can try again. I do this every day so that the children don't get thirsty. There are several small paper cups and a large glass pitcher in the back of the room, and I give each boy and girl a small drink, and they return their cup to the table when they're done.  
  
~  
  
Eiji of course comes at the same time he comes everyday, a little after the preschool gets out. He knows I can't leave until all the parents have come, so he usually doesn't arrive early. Today I was glad to see that Mamo's mother was one of the first to arrive. She lives a bit further away, and often Mamo is left here with Kari until Makoto gets here. I wave to the last father and take Kari's hand, Eiji leading the way in front of us as we go down the street.  
  
"When is Saitou getting home?" Eiji asks, walking with his hands behind his head.  
  
"I imagine much later tonight. Both of you will probably be in bed. Eiji, you have class tomorrow, correct?" Eiji's schooling is only a few days a week, unlike Kari's preschool.  
  
"Yeah." He doesn't mumble it or groan like usual though.  
  
"Well, if you bring me back two good marks, I suppose we can look at dojo's next week." I tell him.  
  
He turns around on the spot. "Really? You mean it Tokio?!"  
  
"Just to look." I repeated, emphasizing "look." "There aren't as many schools like that around anymore, so we'll have a lot of walking to do."  
  
"There's one only about a mile from here." Eiji points out.  
  
I know the one he speaks of. "Yes, that's true, but I don't favor it. It seems a little... crude."  
  
Eiji shrugs. "But we will look, right Tokio?"  
  
I nod. "Only if I see two good marks though, Eiji."  
  
He waves his hands at me. "I know, I know! I bet I'll bring home one of them tomorrow too, Tokio!" He faces forward again and is almost skipping the rest of the way to the house. I sigh and shake my head. I'm sure that any decent dojo wouldn't allow him to use his brother's sword, though I wouldn't want him to enroll at a place where they use real ones. I don't know a lot about the art of kendo, but I'm pretty sure they start with wooden ones, or bamboo staffs.  
  
"So Kari," I turn my attention back to my daughter, "What would you like for dinner?" 


	6. The Search for Kendo

Chapter 6: In Search of Kendo  
  
"Eiji, please find something cleaner to wear, I know I hung a gi up for you yesterday." I say, seeing his appearance in the living room. He rolls his eyes at me but does as he's told. He knows that if he doesn't he won't be going anywhere today.  
  
It's been a little over a week since the rebels attacked our home, but nothing more like it has happened, and I'm very relieved for that. Eiji brought home his two good marks, getting the second one only three days ago. Though it isn't a Sunday, the schedule I have leaves me with no school to teach today. Saitou is away at work again, putting in the same long hours he always did. Sometimes I forget he even lives here. I don't want to have to drag Kari around with me today for a number of reasons, some being that she'd get tired to easily and would find the trip boring, and it's too much of a hassle to take a four year old all over Tokyo. She's staying at a neighbor's house down the street, and they have a little girl Kari's age who happens to also attend the Seishun, her name is Eshiko. They have a younger son as well, and soon he'll be old enough to come to my school as well, giving me 24 students. For now Kari sits in her little pink kimono, her hair pulled back into two pigtails, and she waits for me and Eiji to leave so we can take her to her friend's.  
  
After I convince Eiji not to bring his sword with him, we leave. The three of us walk down the street in the late morning and drop Kari off with Eshiko, and I cannot thank them enough for watching her, and of course I offer to return the favor if they ever need it. Eiji apparently can't contain his excitement, because he gets impatient with me rather quickly.  
  
"We're going to head further north." I tell him after picking up a small map of Tokyo at the station where we wait for a horse-drawn trolley. They're like carriages, only they fit a few more people. It's a bit more western, but it gets you around without having to take a train. I've ridden them twice before, this will be my third time. "I know of one dojo, and we'll head their first, then we'll see what else is close by."  
  
"Okay." Eiji agrees. "Oi, Tokio."  
  
"Hm?" I ask.  
  
"Do you think that, ya know, since we'll be out anyway, we could stop for lunch too?" He suggests wryly.  
  
I smile at him. "We'll see, Eiji."  
  
The next trolley pulls around, and me, Eiji, and four other passengers get on board. Eiji and I take a seat in the front across from the door. I watch out the window as the trolley takes off. I know this one heads north, and I believe I want to get off at the third station. I tuck a piece of my dark hair behind my ear from the strands that hang down in the front; the rest of it is up, like always. I glance over at Eiji, who's watching the door of the trolley. His hands are clenched together on top of his knees. I guess I really didn't know something like being enrolled in a dojo could get him so worked up. I suppose it's one of the first steps in taking after his brother, I know they were close.  
  
At the next stop two people get off and an older woman gets on. I watch her briefly, but then resume to looking out my window. After the trolley starts up again, I take out the card with the map on it and study over it. Eiji needs to be able to get to and from the dojo easily, whichever one I find, since he won't always have someone to go with him; though he'd most likely have to take a trolley if it's too far out.  
  
When the bell rings for the third time, I gently nudge Eiji to alert him that we're getting off. He's quick to his feet and heads for the open door. I pay the driver and nod my thanks before getting off. I have to lift my light orange skirt up a bit to make the steps, but soon I'm level with Eiji. We step out of the way to let more passengers on.  
  
"Where we goin' Tokio?" Eiji asks me.  
  
I look over the card again. We really weren't too far out, but I wanted to make sure I knew where I was going nonetheless. Without answering Eiji, I step up to the gentleman manning the front of the small station. I notice that he's not Japanese.  
  
"Sumimasen," I say before speaking, "but do you by chance know of any kendo school in this area?"  
  
He thinks for a moment, then nods. "Yes, M'am. There's a small one right up this road..." He points, "And I pretty sure there's another down this way, if you take a right at the fabric shop. You gotta go down a good ways before you get to the next intersection, and it's do west of there."  
  
I hold out my map. "Would it trouble you to mark it for me?"  
  
The man smiles at me from under his mustache and takes out a pencil. He puts a dot on one of the red squares that marked the location of the trolley stations, then he circle an area near it, and then another one further away, and he hands it back to me.  
  
I bow as I take it. "Arigatou gozaimasu." I check to make sure Eiji is still with me, and we head up the street to where the first dojo was.  
  
"That guy had a weird accent." Eiji points out as I examine the map.  
  
"He's western, I believe." I think for a moment. "He looked American, actually."  
  
"What's on the map?" Eiji questions again.  
  
I look at the markings. "That second school is a farther walk than I thought, but that's what we're here for, ne?" I hand the map to Eiji so he can look it over. "We start out early so we can hit as many spots as possible." I tuck my hands into my sleeves and bring them together.  
  
"You ever been here before?"  
  
I nod. "Yes, I've been all over Tokyo quite a few times. I used to live on the other side of it growing up, actually."  
  
Eiji hands the map back to me, and as the sun starts to climb to noon the air gets noticeably warmer. We walk for about ten minutes when the wide roof of a school comes into view.  
  
"There it is Tokio!" Eiji points when he spots it as well.  
  
I smile at his excitement. "Hai hai. Let's hope one of the owners is available to speak with us."  
  
The fence surrounding the dojo angled up at the entrance, and it wasn't closed off with any doors. It was fairly small, but the yard was tidy. A hung sign on the gate read "Welcome."  
  
I look around and hear some training going on from inside.  
  
"Should we go in?" Eiji asks.  
  
Before I get a chance to answer him, I see a young man in short hakama pants run up to the gate. He has a towel thrown around his shoulders, and he greet us with a smile. The first thing he does is bow, and I smile at his manners.  
  
"Hajimemashite." He says before standing up again. "Welcome to the Akatori Dojo. What can I do to help you?"  
  
I bow back to him. "I actually came by to hear about your dojo. I'm interested in enrolling a student."  
His eyes looks down at Eiji, and he bows again. "Please, come in. My sensei is in with a few students right now, but I can give you any information you need."  
  
The man, Gure, walks me and Eiji into the back of the dojo where he lets us sit down. He offers us some tea, but I politely refuse. He pulls out a role book and begins to tell us the history of the Akatori. I listen intently, though it's not something I really care to know. Eiji, however, seems glazed to the man's words. Finally, he begins to tell us how the school is run. A student can have anywhere from one to five lessons a week, ranging from one to two hours each. Their prices are fair. Their sword style is called Akuto. First years only learn defensive moves, and they start out with a hollowed bokken, which Gure showed us. Eiji didn't seem to like that idea, but he was still entranced.  
  
I write down all of the important information Gure told us to help Eiji decide later on. This school got my approval.  
  
"We spent nearly an hour in there." I say once Eiji and I are back on the road. "Gure-san was very kind."  
  
"Which one's next?" It was apparent that Eiji didn't plan on giving me his feedback.  
  
"Well, we head to the next one on this map. After that, unless there's another nearby, we'll take the trolley and circle around to the next one or two stations." I reply.  
  
"This is great Tokio, thanks." He comments. "How far east do we go?"  
  
I look at the map. "Well... I want to come by this way," I point at the map with my pinky to show Eiji. "I suppose if we have enough time we can come up this route." I follow the red line that gets fairly close to the ocean.  
  
It takes us about another hour to get to the second dojo, and I'm very grateful to sit down and remove my sandals when we get there. The head teacher of this dojo is the one who speaks with us, and we sit on the edge of the porch. He's a very tall, dark-skinned man, and I'm somewhat shocked with the size of his arms. He must have done a lot of training over the years, he was huge.  
  
"Welcome to the Kanzakishin School of Martial Arts." He begins his sentence. His voice was very low, and slightly horse. I found him rather intimidating. The name of his school implied that it was after a sir name, unlike the Akatori.  
  
This man started with a completely different approach from before, and I wasn't sure what to write down. He began by telling Eiji everything he will accomplish through the Kitsune-ji style. He would learn to become stronger than his enemies, defeat the modern world, and be respected above all others. I had a feeling that if I, being a woman, hadn't been sitting there, he would have continued to tell Eiji how to cut a man in half with his eyes closed or how to gut a dog. Five minutes in and I stopped writing. This may be a large, fancy dojo, but I refuse to let Eiji be instructed under someone of this brute manner. We stay and listen to the rest of the details to be polite, and as soon as he's done I quickly leave. There's no need for me to get his name.  
  
"Wow, that guy was really tough." Eiji stated when we were back on the road to the trolley station.  
  
"And I don't think you'll be attending there." I say, rather calmly. If I said what was really on my mind, I'd scare the boy half to death.  
  
"You didn't like him?" Eiji turns to look at me.  
  
I bluntly smile. "Oh, he seems like a... good man, but a little too.... headstrong. Besides, it's a long walk."  
  
I ask a nearby shop owner if he knows of any more dojos in the area, and he shakes his head. With that, Eiji and I take a good walk back to the station and only have to wait 15 minutes before our next ride comes along, and the carriage is completely empty when we board. We ride further east and then south again, where a dojo is down a quiet rode right from the station. Several students are practicing when we're brought in. This school is called the Kin'wa, and it's a very attractive place. The price is only a few yen higher than the Akatori, and several boys Eiji's age attend there. That was a big bonus for me. I took down all the needed information. Surprisingly, that was he only dojo in that area, and the next two stops proved to be empty as well. I suppose the Meiji Restoration is making it hard for kendo masters to find work doing what they've always done.  
  
~  
  
I yawn at our last stop, and the station keeper gives us a negative there as well. To be sure, we venture on a little further, but the rural area shows nothing in the ways of what we're looking for. It's probably about 4:00 or 5:00 now, and after walking all day, I was fatigued.  
  
"Would you like something to eat, Eiji?" I look down at the young boy.  
  
Eiji smiles at me and nods his head. "I don't know what, though."  
  
"That's all right, we'll look around." I hold his hand lightly as we walk down a rather long road. We pass by a sushi place, but Eiji shakes his head at it, so we go on. I'm really hungry myself, but I want Eiji to choose.  
  
Finally a little down the rode Eiji points to a large sign. "Beef hot pots! Tokio, let's go here, please?"  
  
I read the red kanji in front of the store. "Akabeko?" I repeat. "All right, Eiji, let's go in."  
  
Eiji thrusts his fist in victory and we go inside. My first impression is a good one. Several women in striped aprons serve the customers, and each table is in a three-walled booth.  
  
"Konnichi wa." A waitress approaches us. "Welcome to the Akabeko. Would you like a seat?"  
  
I smile and nod, and she takes us to an empty booth. Eiji and I step in and kneel at the square table.  
  
"You two must not be from around here." The waitress has a very friendly voice.  
  
"We're actually looking to enroll Eiji in a Kendo school." I reply, folding my hands in my lap. "But our last three stops haven't turned up anything."  
  
"Really?" She says. "There's a small school for that right now this road, if you follow the canal."  
  
"There is?" Eiji's excited demeanor returned.  
  
She nodded. "Oh, sorry. What would you like? I can get you a menu, of course."  
  
"Actually, I saw your sign and it said you had beef hot pots."  
  
The waitress smiled. "That we do. Two then?"  
  
I nod.  
  
When she leaves, I turn to Eiji. "Well, there is one more. With luck you'll have three to choose from."  
  
Eiji nodded. "I can't wait."  
  
"Eiji, remember, we're just looking for now." I remind him. "You'll have to keep studying if you want the classes."  
  
"I know, I know." Eiji sighs at me.  
  
"It will have to work in with your schedule too..." I think for a moment. "Right after this though we need to get home. I don't want Kari staying with the Mikazukis too long."  
  
The beef hot pots arrive, and they were quite good. It's too bad a restaurant like this isn't closer to home, and I tell the waitress that as well. Eiji surprises me with quite the appetite, and I let him have a bit of food from my plate.  
  
I leave a small tip on the table and go to the front near the door to pay. Tae tells me and I get out my purse.  
  
"Tokio!"  
  
I feel Eiji push me aside as a plate comes whizzing by right where my head was. It collides with the wall and shatters before hitting the floor.  
  
"What on earth...?" The waitress looks past me. There's a bald man outside his booth, his face red from liquor. I step back a bit.  
  
"Please calm down sir." A very young waitress, about Eiji's age, asks.  
  
The drunkard walks towards us, and Eiji stands in front of me protectively. The waitress who I was about to pay runs up to him to try to settle him down, and he pushed her out of the way. At that point I feel my heart jump as he gets closer, and Eiji growls.  
  
"Get gone with the change, honey." He says to me. I can't even understand what he's referring to, but I can smell the heavy scent of sake on his breath.  
  
"Get the hell away!" Eiji shouts.  
  
The man scowls at Eiji, and raises his hand to him.  
  
I grab Eiji by the shoulders and pull him back. "Yamete kudasai!" Turning away for the blow. However, it doesn't come. I look back, and another man, a very tall one, holds the arm of our attacker.  
  
"Back off." He says lowly. When the bald man tries to strike him, the second twists his arm around and throws him to the floor. The drunkard, in his condition, is too intoxicated to get back up.  
  
I stand, amazed.  
  
"Arigatou Sanosuke!" My waitress runs up to him.  
  
"You got a lot of bums hangin' around here, Tae." The man, Sanosuke answers.  
  
"A... arigatou gozaimasu..." I breathe.  
  
Sanosuke looks over at me, and a smirk comes to his features. He's wearing all white, and his dark brown hair is held up with a red headband. "You must not be from around here."  
  
Is it really that obvious? "Iie." I answer. "I'm sorry if we caused you any trouble." My hands are still on Eiji's shoulders.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asks. I notice he has a strange way of rolling his r's when he talks.  
  
"Hai." I reply. Eiji is being quiet.  
  
Sanosuke looks back at the man on the floor, who is slowly getting up. "Get outta here." He calls to him. "Before I get angry."  
  
I'm relieve when the man scrambles to his feet and runs from the Akabeko, the two others who had been sitting with him following suit.  
  
"Tae-san?" I get the waitress's attention.  
  
Tae turns back to me to see me holding my purse. "Ah!" She quickly returns to me, and I pay her the money for the food.  
  
I turn back to Sanosuke and bow before leaving the Akabeko.  
  
"Eiji, should we find that dojo now?" I ask.  
  
Eiji nods. "Are you okay, Tokio?"  
  
I nod and smile at him. "Don't let something like that discourage you. Let's go." 


	7. Kamiya

Reply To Reviews:  
  
To Kakashi-fan: You're welcome for the chapters! I can guarantee you more "dreaminess" in this chapter. Actually, what happens here is probably the fluffiest stuff I've ever written, much less posted! *re-reads it* Uck, I can't believe I WROTE that...  
  
To JadeGodddess: Since Kenshin is the only one who knows about Tokio, it could get interesting. I'm not sure what I'll do with that, but the Kenshin-gumi will only be secondary characters!  
  
Also a thank you to Msamandah and Shiro for reading and reviewing!  
  
Chapter 7: Kamiya  
  
I'm shocked to see that a woman runs the place, and she looks much younger than I. She seems surprised to have us visit. Her hair is tied up with a single band, and she's wearing a gi and a pair of hakama pants.  
  
"Konban wa." I bow before her. "This is the Kamiya Dojo, correct?" I read the sign at the door.  
  
The woman nods.  
  
"I've been looking around for a school to enroll Eiji in. Is it all right if we come in?"  
  
At that statement, the girl gets about as excited as Eiji and quickly welcomes us in. The dojo has a domesticated touch to it, and right off the bat I feel comfortable there. The girl takes us into the training room, a long room with smooth wooden floors. Several wooden swords and nameplates line the walls. She sits us down.  
  
"My name is Kamiya Kaoru." She introduces herself, and we return the gesture. "I'm very glad you're interested in our dojo."  
  
I smile. "A waitress down the street told us about it."  
  
Kaoru lights up a bit more. "I'm the assistant director for the Kamiya Kasshin style."  
  
"Kamiya Kasshin?" I repeat. It sounds a bit different.  
  
Kaoru nods. "It's a technique use to protect people, not hurt them. I strongly believe in that."  
  
I listen more. She doesn't give me a sales pitch like the others, but talks person to person.  
  
"Yahiko currently is my only full time student." I catch that sentence as she speaks to us. "Eiji, he looks about your age."  
  
Ah, the bonus arises.  
  
"And you teach all of this?" I inquire.  
  
Kaoru nods with a smile.  
  
"Eiji would need classes in the evening, he has schooling during the day." I explain.  
  
Kaoru nods again. "I can schedule classes whenever possible for about one to three hours, whatever works best. As you can tell, we use wooden swords." She pointed to the wall.  
  
Eiji liked that idea.  
  
Kaoru continued on about the school, and her prices were surprisingly low. At one point she actually picked a bokken off the wall and demonstrated a few things for us. Eiji especially liked that. By the end of the discussion, we were all standing.  
  
"I must say Kaoru-san, you're one of a kind." I finish jotting down a few things. "Eiji and I will discuss it, there are two other schools we are considering, but I'll be sure to write and inform you."  
  
Kaoru grinned. "That's great!"  
  
I'm curious to something, and I find no harm in asking it. "By the way, Kaoru-san, you don't live here by yourself, do you?"  
  
Kaoru shook her head. "No, Yahiko lives here, and so does Kenshin."  
  
"Kenshin?" Eiji asks.  
  
Kaoru nodded.  
  
"That name sounds really familiar..." Eiji trailed off.  
  
"Is he your..." I continue.  
  
Kaoru lifts both her hands to me. "Oh, no, it's nothing like that."  
  
Eiji suddenly jumps up, scaring me half to death. "Kenshin! He's the samurai!"  
  
Kaoru looked at Eiji, concerned.  
  
"Does he have red hair?!" Eiji raises his voice. I'm not sure whether or not to butt in.  
  
"H-hai." Kaoru answers. "You know him?"  
  
Eiji shakes his head. "I met him in my old town!" He turns to me. "Tokio, I want to enroll here!"  
  
"Nani?" I ask. "Eiji, you can't just decide..."  
  
He shocks both Kaoru and me by getting down on his knees and bowing. "Please Tokio! Onegai! I like this one better than the other two anyway!"  
  
Speechless, I look over at Kaoru, who is speechless as well. Finally, after a moment of consideration, I speak. "Well... I suppose so..."  
  
"YES!" Eiji leaps off the ground like a frog and embraces me tightly.  
  
I speak to Kaoru for a few more minutes before bowing and leaving, Eiji does the same. I get a bit more information from her. She was kind enough to walk both Eiji and I to the gates and see us off. I can tell it's getting late, the mosquitoes are out, and they fly in small groups around the stream outside the dojo.  
  
~  
  
"You really shouldn't put me on the spot like that." I say as we walk up to our gate. "I said we were only looking." I walk slowly because of Kari. Though it's only about 7:00 or 8:00 in the evening, she's tired from today's activities. She's too big for me to carry her comfortably, though I wish I could. Luckily the Mikazukis were kind enough to give her dinner.  
  
"I can't believe it..." Eiji goes on, the awed grin on his face never fading. "Kenshin lives in ~Tokyo~."  
  
"Kenshin?" The name before had confused me, but I didn't think to ask until now. "What's his last name?"  
  
Eiji thinks hard for a moment when we step into the house. "I...can't remember. I asked him, but I can only remember his first name. His last name... the weasel girl said something like Hi...Himo...."  
  
I sigh. I honestly have no clue what he's talking about, though I know it was before he came here. "And what is so special about Kenshin- san?"  
  
Eiji shrugged. "I saw him fight once, it was amazing..."  
  
I don't pursue the matter much further than that, but I'm sure I will tomorrow. I like to think that Eiji will learn Kendo for self discipline and defense like my father and step father had, not for... anything too serious. But since the Bakumatsu ended, I don't worry as much as I used to. But I will admit those soldiers two weeks ago did bring back my paranoia.  
  
I get Kari ready for bed early and read her the story of the Zodiac, one that I haven't told her in a long time. I can't find enough will to clean anything, and with the sunlight slowly disappearing, 'd be scrubbing in the dark. I brainstorm for a while for new activities to do at Seishun Preschool, and eventually go to sleep myself. Saitou doesn't get home until late in the night, and I wake up for a moment to see him. It's hard, but I suppose it's better than when he works the night. It's more dangerous, and he's so tired when he comes home in the morning... I feel terrible when something happens in the day that wakes him up.  
  
The night is peaceful, quiet, calm. The summer crickets sing lightly outside the window, and Saitou sleeps silently at my side.  
  
~  
  
"AAAAAAEEEEEE!!!"  
  
I quickly take Amaya and lift her onto the porch of the preschool while she wails excessively. Her face is red and heavy tears slip down her cheeks and nose.  
  
"Let me see." I instruct, holding out her arm. The obvious red mark gives away where the bee stung her, and a small black speck lies in the center of it.  
  
I carefully rest the girl's arms back down and cup her small face in my hands. "I want you to stay still, okay? I'll be right back."  
  
I hear Amaya crying for her mother as I quickly go inside the building and quickly sprint to my table. I find one of my last few sheets of stiff paper and head back to the door, grabbing the pitcher of water as I go out. Amaya still whines just as I left her, gasping every now and then from the energy she's put into her wailing. I hold her arm out again and very carefully slide the paper across it, getting the black stinger out. I blow it off with a quick puff and run the cold water over the puncture wound. The other children have gathered around all ready, "ooing" and "ahing" at the spectacle. I'm only lucky that there's only an hour left, so she'll be home and in better care soon. After I'm done tending to the bee sting, I send everyone inside, the kids rushing past my legs and into the large room of the school. For the closing lesson I had decided to teach the children a little about gardening and caring for plants, since I planned on doing some gardening of my own once my teaching was over.  
  
Eiji doesn't come after school for Kari and I, since today is one of the days where he has studying of his own to get accomplished. I plan to see him back shortly, though.  
  
~  
  
I pull up a large, pale turnip and brush it off, the specks of dirt falling back onto the soil. I place it in the basket beside me where one more lies. I lift up the leaves carefully on a third, but it doesn't seem ready yet. I scratch an itch under my eye with my wrist so that the dirt doesn't smear on my face.  
  
"What's this?" Kari points, standing around the periphery of the garden. She points to a short, cord-like plant with thin leaves.  
  
"It's a pepper, Kari." I respond, patting down the soil in front of me.  
  
She looks slightly confused. "But pepper doesn't look like that." She says timidly.  
  
I smile at her innocence. "It's a different kind of pepper. It's green, it's shaped like this." I hold my hands together to form what may slightly resemble the vegetable. Kari lifts her hands up and does the same.  
  
"Yes, like that."  
  
Kari studies her hands and giggles. "Like this!" She shows me again. "Mommy, what do we eat today?"  
  
"We," I pause, pulling up a few blades of stray grass near the unripe egg plants, "Are going to have white fish and peas."  
  
"With rice?"  
  
"Yes, with rice."  
  
"I don't like peas." She adds on.  
  
I glance up at her. She still stands, her arms behind her back as she sways her hips back and forth. "You like peas, I've seen you eat them."  
  
"No I don't." She argues back. "I like... peppers."  
  
I shake my head and laugh a bit. She's so adorable... I can't help it.  
  
"Daddy!"  
  
I glance up and Kari runs past me. I can see Saitou coming in from the front gate, and he walks in our direction since Kari got his attention. When she reaches him, she holds her hands together high enough for him to see.  
  
"Look, it's a pepper. I like these." She says.  
  
I'm sure Saitou is bewildered as to what she's talking about, but he rubs the top of her head and smiles. "I see." He says.  
  
I brush my hands off and stand up. "You're home early." I state.  
  
He nods. "I'm not needed for the time being."  
  
I grin inwardly. That's good, I think.  
  
~  
  
I serve out the rice and peas from the large bowl onto everyone's plate, serving myself last, of course. I'm glad that Saitou is able to eat with us, the occasion doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to.  
  
"Eiji, what did you do in school today?" I start the conversation going.  
  
"Ugh, English." He complains. "It's so confusing. One letter sounds like something with one words, and it completely changes with another."  
  
"It's something you have to get used to." I explain, though my English isn't very good either.  
  
"I hate it." Eiji stirs his rice with his chopsticks. "I hope it's not something we start doing a lot."  
  
"With the trade of western countries and industry coming in, it's a good thing to know." Saitou spoke up.  
  
Eiji didn't have anything to say to that, but I smile at Saitou. He's right. I glance over at Kari, who still uses her chopsticks like a spoon. She's barely tall enough to reach the table, and she has to stay on her knees to do so.  
  
"Do you have home work for English?" I look back to Eiji.  
  
"Nah." He responds. "Luckily. I don't have anything to do tonight."  
  
"Saitou," I finally get to speaking to my husband, "how was work?"  
  
Saitou wipes his mouth with a napkin before speaking. "I have to leave for Kyoto again, possibly tomorrow."  
  
I feel my heart stop. Did... did he just say Kyoto? Again? Tomorrow? I sit there, frozen in place. He finally looks at me in my silence, and I force myself to snap back to reality.  
  
"Kyo-Kyoto?" I repeat. "But, you just got back two weeks ago..."  
  
"Kawaji has work up there that still has to be finished." Saitou continues.  
  
I still look on in disbelief. "How long will you be gone?"  
  
Saitou gets more rice on his chopsticks. "I don't know."  
  
~I don't know?~ The words buzz through my head. That's exactly what he said before he left the first time, and he was gone for months. How can I stand him being gone again all ready? If it's not bad enough that I rarely see him anyway, how can he leave for Kyoto ~again?~ And so soon?  
  
He says something else, but I don't hear it. I don't want to. Almost unable to control my body, I stand up from the table, not a word escaping me. I feel everyone's eyes on me, but I don't stop. I simply turn and walk into the kitchen, past the stove and shelves, sliding open the door to the back yard and shutting it the same behind me, not putting any shoes on. I just walk quietly over the grass and past the garden, and I turn around the bathhouse to the back wall. I lean against it and stare off into the air.  
  
I feel like I'm going to cry, but I don't. I'm too angry to cry. How could Kawaji-san send Saitou out again so soon? How could Saitou go? Why does he have to be so dedicated in his work? I know that his work is what provides for our family, but... but...  
  
I slide down the wall onto the grass, sitting with my knees close to my face. He's done this before, left, and come back, but the time with Shishio... the time with ~Kyoto~ had been the longest. Nearly four months... and with the time his work took up, I only got a few letters. Why does it have to bother me so much? After eight years...~eight years...~ why can't I be used to it?  
  
My lip quivers and I cup my hand over it. I don't want to cry. I know I will when he's gone, so I'll save it until then. But I don't want to cry now.  
  
"Tokio!" I hear him call me. I don't know whether I'm glad or angrier that he came after me. Doesn't he realize what this means to me? ~Doesn't he understand how I feel about him?~  
  
I hear the door to the bathhouse open, and then shut. His feet go up and down the steps, and he calls my name again. I want to go to him, but I don't. I hear him go towards the front yard.  
  
I fold my arms on my knees and rest my head on them. I cry silently. "Gomen nasai. I'm too weak..." I mutter.  
  
I jerk my head back and harshly wipe away my tears. Be strong, Tokio, be strong for him. For Kari. As soon as I'm sure my sorrow is hidden from my features, I go back into the house.  
  
~  
  
I put Kari and Eiji to bed, but I find myself unable to sing when Kari asks me to. Eiji tells her that he'll read her a story, so she settles for that. I kiss both of them on the forehead and head back downstairs. The sky is dark again.  
  
I'm not sure where Saitou is, but I hope he bought my fake countenance when he found me shortly after I left. I don't know why I care about him so much.  
  
I pick up one of the rolls near the wall and place it on the hard floors, laying it out smoothly into a bed. I do the same with the second one, a little ways from the first for my own. I get the folded blankets in the corner and fan each one out over the futon, tucking the ends under the mat. Finally I lay the narrow pillows on each one. I may as well just get into my robe and go to sleep.  
  
I get to my feet and head to my dresser, but I walk past it to the glass window. One of the candles rests on the sill, and it flickers as I approach it. I place my hands near it and stare up at the sky, part of it hiding behind the branches of a cherry tree. A few, bright stars twinkle at me. I wonder how far away those stars really are. I reach back and pull a long pin from my hair, sending it down in a loose braid. I take out a few more pins on the side and shake it out. It's still a bit wavy from how I wore it that day. I leave the pins on the sill. As I look back up to the stars, I feel my heart wrenching again.  
  
I jump just a bit when I feel two arms around my shoulders, and I look back to see Saitou. He's still in his uniform, I didn't hear him come in.  
  
"Saitou?" I ask.  
  
"I'm sorry, Tokio." He whispers to me. I can feel his breath on my neck. He's apologizing?  
  
"For what?" I ask, almost as quietly.  
  
Saitou stands up fully, releasing me from his embrace. I turn and face him. He keeps his hands on my shoulders.  
  
"It may be a week, maybe two." He states. "Any longer than that and I'll write you."  
  
This was the side Saitou didn't show very often, even to me. Perhaps my storming off earlier expressed my feeling better than anything else could. I feel my eyes water again, and I can tell that he notices.  
  
"Saitou..." I whisper, not knowing what else to say. His amber eyes grow closer to mine, and his hands move behind me, pushing me very softly forward to him. Our lips meet, and I close my eyes to savour the warmth. A small tear is pushed off my eyelashes, and it slowly trails down the line of my cheek, falling from me before reaching my jaw.  
  
He pulls away and looks at me, but I don't want him to stop. I step closer and lift my hands to his face, lifting myself on my toes to touch him again. There's a mild roughness to his lips, and I push harder against it, tasting it. I know how strange it is for me to be so forward, but I really can't help it.  
  
His gloved hand caresses my neck, and his other one brings me in closer to him. I try to make myself taller to experience more of him, but my balance struggles as it is. Seeing my dilemma, he lowers himself to me, putting more force between us. He breaks off for just a moment to catch his breath before we're linked again. It's so seldom that Saitou can come to me like this...  
  
He pulls me away from the window, slipping by my mouth to place a few gentle kisses on my neck. "Tokio..." He whispers into my ear.  
  
"Please," I say to him, my hands clasped tightly to his shoulders, "Please don't stop..."  
  
I feel one last kiss on my neck before he backs up just enough to reunite our lips. There's a new vigor to how he kisses me now, as if he's trying to make up for any grief, any pain he put me through in his long absence.  
  
My knees buckle from the sensations and I can barely stand anymore. Saito carefully lowers me to the floor so I don't fall.  
  
Oh I love him... more than anything else, I love him... 


	8. Ja Mata, Saitou

Author's note: I'm sorry it took so long for the update, Minna! I will say thank you especially to one of my reviewers. I got a message telling me to please update and not give up on the story, and eventually that made me finish this chapter! Thank you to everyone who sent in a review.  
  
Chapter 8: Ja Mata, Saitou  
  
I feel the blankets under and around me before I open my eyes in the morning. After just a quick moment of scanning, I see Saitou in the near corner, buttoning the front of the shirt to his police uniform, getting ready for work--getting ready, for Kyoto. I realize by instinct as well as by the paleness of the light entering the room that it is early in the morning. The sun must have just recently risen over the mountains.  
  
He's not aware I'm awake. I lay still, not moving. My dark green hair rests under my shoulder and across the pillow, the warm covers secured under my arms. After he's done with the buttons, he adjusts his collar. I notice his katana leaning against a dresser.  
  
"You're leaving?" I ask very quietly, breaking the silence. I know the answer, but I ask anyway. He turns to me, still adjusting his collar.  
  
"Yes, my train leaves this morning." His voice is still so low, so serious. He reaches for one of the gloves on the dresser and slips it onto his left hand.  
  
I'm hesitant to ask my next question, but I do. "Saitou, when... when did you get those injuries?"  
  
He stops before reaching the second glove and looks at me.  
  
I look away. "On your legs... they're not completely healed yet." I somberly explain. After a second I glance back at him, and he watches the top of the dresser, his hand resting on that last glove. The silence settles in again, an eerie one. I know he doesn't want to tell me; he would have by now. I shouldn't have asked, but when I saw them...  
  
"Gomen nasai." I apologize, hating the thick atmosphere. I don't let any more words escape my lips, purely because I don't know what else to say.  
  
"Usui."  
  
The name almost startles me. "Usui?" I repeat. I move, finally, sitting up, my hand keeping the covers over my bare skin.  
  
He goes on. I'm shocked on several different levels on what he tells me, how he tells me. I'm sure he leaves many details out, but I'm sure they're ones I don't want to know. He tells me briefly of Shishio's hide out, of the man named Usui, one of the "pawns." He says rather bluntly that he killed him, not a single drop of emotion coming through at those words. I listen; stare. I'm not surprised that Saitou killed this man; I know of deeper things than that. He also mentions that Shishio himself reopened the wounds. I understand--that must be why they're still visible. He puts the glove on when he's finished, and I hold the blanket closer to me. He reaches for the covered sword and puts it into his belt.  
  
"Arigatou." I breathe, my eyes fixed on the floor again, "...For telling me."  
  
I don't expect him to reply to that comment, and he doesn't. Soon he is fully dressed, ready to leave me. However, before he goes, he walks in long strides over to me and kneels in front of me, lifting my chin up with just one finger. "Ja mata." He says.  
  
"Ja mata." I softly respond. He briefly kisses me before standing up and returning to the dresser.  
  
"Do your best." Besides everything, it is my responsibility as his wife, his confidant, to give him what encouragement I can muster.  
  
Saitou places his cap on and nods. "I'll be back."  
  
I feel my eyes water, but it only glistens them, no tears fall. "Hai."  
  
I watch as he goes out the door, and listen until I can't hear his footsteps at all. I'm not properly dressed to go with him, and he's never let me take him to the station. After a moment, I fall back into my pillow, facing the ceiling. Only one tear falls. It won't hurt too much for the first few days.  
  
I run my fingers over my stomach, entranced by the wooden ceiling. What fascinates me, I don't know. I can fully discern that it's early, and I still can have a couple of hours to sleep, but I can't. I'm not tired now, not anymore, despite the fact that I was up most of the night.  
  
I feel my cheeks warm at that thought.  
  
Finally, after who knows how long, I sit up again, using the support of my hands to push me off the floor. The blankets fall off of me and I put on the same kimono I had on last night. I'll take a bath before Kari and Eiji wake up.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Saturday, Eiji." I saw over a breakfast of miso. "I don't have school that day, and I want to go with you at least one more time before you take the trolley by yourself.  
  
Eiji grins. "Okay, Tokio."  
  
"I'll have to find something to do with Kari." I add.  
  
Kari frowns beside me. "Why can't I come?"  
  
I think for a moment. "Well, I do feel bad asking someone to watch you..." I look over at her, contemplating. "Kari, BEST behavior, and you may come."  
  
Kari claps her hands together. "Yoshi!"  
  
So it seemed that I'd have a couple of days before returning to northwestern Tokyo. I do a few quick math problems in my mind, and if we headed straight to the Kamiya Dojo on the trolley, it would take one half to a full hour. Tokyo certainly is a large city. I also want to learn more about Kaoru. She seems so young to be running a Kendo school. I honestly wouldn't put her past the age of 20.  
  
"Done!" Eiji announces, plopping his chopsticks down beside his bowl. "I'm going to go practice out back, kay Tokio?" He gets up from the table, brushing his hakama pants off. Kari gets excited and spills her small cup of water on the tabletop.  
  
"Chotto matte, Eiji." I ask, holding my hand to him. I put my hand on Kari's shoulder to ensure it's all right, since I know that young children can go into hysterics over small accidents like this. I grab the cloth I used to carry in the iron pot and place it over the spilled water, letting some of the liquid absorb into it. "Eiji, I wanted to talk to you today." Something else spring up in my mind. "Do you have school today?"  
  
"Nah." Eiji assures. "Tomorrow, in the afternoon, but not today. Is that all? Can I go?"  
  
I turn the cloth over and finish cleaning up the water. "Not quite. Who is Kenshin-san?"  
  
Eiji seems impatient, and hesitates to sit down. "I told you all ready."  
  
Kari stands up, apparently losing her appetite for what's left in the bowl. "Can I play?" She questions.  
  
"Hai, Kari, in the house." I answer. "Not fully, Eiji. Where did you meet him?"  
  
"My village, remember?"  
  
"Did he live there?"  
  
He shakes his head, then scratches the back of it. "No, he was passing through. Just traveling. He was with Saitou, me, and the weasel."  
  
"Saitou?" I ask, suddenly more interested. "Saitou knows him? Was he traveling with him?" I know that at one point Saitou was traveling with the Battousai and Kawaji-san, but that's it.  
  
"No, I'm not sure if they really knew each other, but they were both there." He sighs. "Can I go?"  
  
I don't know why he is so impatient with me today, but I nod my consent and he leaves. I put the wet cloth into my bowl and start taking dishes into the kitchen, placing them by the sink. There's a bit of miso left in the pot, and so I take out a clean bowl from the cupboard and put the rest of the soup in there. It's a shame to waste food, and one of the children or I may become hungry during the day outside of our usual meals.  
  
I start my daily routine of washing the dishes; tying my sleeves back, pumping cold water into a plugged sink and scrubbing all the food particles off. I take a used hand towel on a rack by the sink and lie it out on the counter, shaking the dishes off before placing them on it, the bowels and pot upside-down, of course.  
  
A yawn escapes me, and my eyes water just a bit from the after effect. I don't feel very tired, but an afternoon nap sometime wouldn't hurt.  
  
"WAAH!"  
  
I perk up, hearing Kari's wail suddenly. There's a moment of silence, but it turns out just to be a break in her cry. Her screams start up again, and I quickly dry my damp hands on the dishcloth before moving out of the kitchen. I follow her cries into the first room the downstairs hall leads into, the one where I keep some storage, teaching supplies, and current sewing projects. The sliding door is all ready half way open when I arrive. Kari is knelt on the ground, her eyes and cheeks red and wet, her right hand clasped tightly around her left fingers.  
  
"Kari, what happened?" I asked, kneeling beside her.  
  
"I... got... hurt..." She inhales sharply after each word. Her crying starts up again.  
  
"Let me see." I take her two hands in mine.  
  
Reluctantly, she pulls her right hand away and shows her fingers. A cut is formed diagonally across her middle finer, right above the second knuckle. It's not serious, but looks painful enough.  
  
"What happened?" I repeat.  
  
Kari swallows before trying to talk through her sobs. "I... dropped... the... sci...ssors..."  
  
I looked over, seeing my sewing scissors open and laying on the wooden floor. "Kari, you know not to touch those."  
  
She cried more.  
  
I put my hand on her small back and helped her stand up. "Come on, I'll make it all better." I slowly guide her out of the room and into the kitchen, where I pick her up and sit her by the sink, the opposite side of the dishes.  
  
Footsteps trample down the stairs in the living room and within seconds, Eiji is in the doorway. "What happened? Is Kari okay?"  
  
"Yes, she just cut herself on a pair of scissors. She's fine."  
  
Kari's crying is subduing slightly, though she still breaths harshly and hiccups every now and then. I take her left hand and run it under the faucet, pumping the lever a few times to get the flow going.  
  
"Keep your hand here." I instruct, letting go. She holds her hand over the sink while I go to another drawer, finding a clean dishtowel. I wrap it around her hand and squeeze it, applying pressure as well as drying the area off. "Eiji?"  
  
"Hai!" Eiji turned back around. I guess he was about to leave.  
  
"In the room at the start of the hall there are some drawers in the corner. Some bandages are in the second one down. Will you get me a small roll please?"  
  
Eiji doesn't say yes or no, but turns and heads for the room.  
  
"See? It's okay." I rub my thumb over Kari's cheek, wiping up a tear.  
  
"Is it... better yet?" She asks.  
  
"Almost, honey." I inform her. I hold her other hand too, waiting for Eiji's return. The image of my daughter's face suddenly blurs up a bit.  
  
I blink my eyes a few times. My sight was back to normal. "Odd..." I thought. I've always had good eyesight, so I assume a tear washed over my eye or it's just a normal effect.  
  
In a few more moments Eiji is behind me, holding a roll of bandages in front of my face.  
  
"Arigatou." I take the roll and remove the dishcloth. The cut looks much smaller now that the blood has been cleaned up. I unroll a few inches of the bandage and place it over the delicate finger, wrapping it around a few times. The bandage sticks slightly to itself, making it easier to apply. For insurance I tuck in the two small end corners after I rip the piece off.  
  
"There, all better."  
  
Kari brings it up to her face and examines my work. "It's thumping." She says.  
  
I smile. "It will get better." I put my hands under her arms and lower her back down onto the floor. "Don't get into anything for a little while, okay? Keep that dry so it heals faster."  
  
Kari runs off past me and into the living room. "Eiji!" She calls, giggling again. Eiji left again after delivering the bandages.  
  
I pick up the roll and the dishtowel and head back to the hallway where I had just come from. The laundry basket sits in the way, and I drop the soiled towel into it. The clothes Eiji and Kari had on the day before are in there as well. I go into the sewing room and replace the bandages. I decide to get my lessons ready while I'm there. I may be able to postpone laundry until tomorrow.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I sit at the small table at the head of the one room in the Seishun preschool, looking over a note from a parent. To my relief it is good, and several lines are complimentary and praiseful. I had just finished telling the children about a brave lion and a timid mouse, and now they were working on their writing. I had five letters in the Hiragana alphabet on the front wall for them to copy in ink: "ta", "chi", "tsu", "te", and "to". They were all silently working, and the light sound of ink pens scratching against the paper added to a gentle hum in the background. Right after the story I had a problem between Yoru and Kisa, but it was settled now, and the aura of the room was peaceful.  
  
"I appreciate your hard work. Amaya has demonstrated what she has learned at your school a few times for us now..." the words of my letter say. I reach the closing, but the words in front of me suddenly meld together, blurring. I feel a sudden hot sensation surround my eyes and throat.  
  
I put the letter down and shut my eyes, swallowing. The swallowing is a bit difficult. I rub my eyes a bit, and the flesh is hot to the touch. I open them and blink a few times, and my sight is back to normal, though the temperature of that secluded area of skin stays rather warm. I don't think I did anything to make to blood rush to my face, and for a moment I wonder if I may be coming down with a cold.  
  
I cough suddenly, then again to clear my throat. That helped some.  
  
I look over the busy students, noting the usual ones who work a bit faster than their classmates. I get up from my position on the floor and quietly walked between the tables, making sure no one is in need of my assistance.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Ja mata! Arigatou!" I wave to the last parents who retrieve their children from my care. Eiji has arrived all ready, and he holds Kari on his back, running in circles every now and then to keep her entertained.  
  
"C'mon Tokio, let's go." He speaks up.  
  
"I'm coming." I smile. The three of us start down the path we walked so frequently back to our home.  
  
"I'm hungry Tokio, what's for dinner?" Eiji asks.  
  
I think for a moment. I had given it some thought earlier, and I was struggling to remember what I came up with.  
  
"Tokio?"  
  
Ah, I remember. "I was thinking salmon."  
  
"Mmm, I like fish. Can I have Saitou's share? He left today, right?"  
  
That's right. Saitou left back for Kyoto this morning. I had forgotten... I went a good portion of the day without thinking of him, and I find myself a bit glad for that. If things go like usual, I won't start missing him too badly until next week.  
  
"We'll see. I'll send you out to buy the fish, is that all right?" I inquire.  
  
"Sure, but you don't want to come with me?" He bounces Kari up to get a better hold on her.  
  
"I'm afraid not." I reply. "I should get dinner started if I want it done on time, and I think I may be coming down with a cold."  
  
"Mommy's sick?" Kari questions.  
  
I smile. "No, and hopefully it will pass."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I arrive home and give Eiji enough money to buy some fish in the market. I told him to get three nice sized ones. I prepare some rice and leeks as a side dish, and cook to fish outside on skewers in a small fie pit. Eiji ends up eat half of Kari's share, since being only four, she didn't have much room for the whole thing in her stomach. Eiji and Kari are kind enough to help me bring the dishes into the kitchen, and Eiji even dries them for me. I help Kari review some of the lessons we've had this week afterwards while Eiji practices with his brother's outside. He's out there for nearly two hours... his dedication never ceases to amaze me. I get he and Kari into bed, and tell both of them they'll have to take a bath first thing in the morning. After a story for Kari, I blow out the lantern and return to my room.  
  
After a change and lie down in the dark to fall asleep, Saitou springs up suddenly in my mind for the second time that day. Not seeing his form close by is a disappointment, but not something I was becoming used to. If he had stayed longer before returning to his work, I may have cried, but I realize that it was fairly easy to shift back into the mode of thinking I had been in when he had left to bring down Shishio Makoto.  
  
I swallow over the soar feeling materializing in my throat, and fall asleep. 


	9. A Taste of Hell

Author's note: I'm so sorry for the late update, I have the next 2 chapters done, but I've been lazy in editing them. I'll Chapter 10 up soon! Thank you to all reviewers, I got a lot for chapter 8!  
  
To Mysterio000: You like how I portray the relationship? I'm glad to hear that, sometimes I get picky with myself.  
  
To Alice: I will agree with you that it's very boring at first, so only the dedicated readers will go on! Thank you for your review.  
  
To JadeGoddess: Is she sick or pregnant? That will be answered in the first few paragraphs of this!   
  
To Huskie: The story does get better from the first few chapters, in several ways, really. Thanks for giving me credit. :)  
  
To Dawningtwilite: Thanks for the encouragment, I'll get working on more chapters!  
  
To Kakshi-fan: Yes, I meant to say Eiji practices with his brother's katana, my mistake! Thank you for your review, I think it was actually the longest one I got.  
  
Chapter 9: A Taste of Hell  
  
"What is... this feeling? Almost like pain, but something's different. I can tell it's summer, it's so hot... and so humid... the air is so thick, I can't breathe...  
  
"...Why is it so hot...?"  
  
- - -  
  
My eyes open, and a shockwave of intense pain runs from my eyes and throughout my head. I shut them tightly, and a deep, rigid cough forces its way from my lungs.  
  
"Tokio, Tokio!" A familiar voice calls me.  
  
I try to breathe, but the air is so condensed that I choke. A forceful cough churns up again, escaping bitterly from my mouth. I try to open my eyes again, but I only can to the point where the color of my iris is barely visible. Everything around me is blurry... and I can't move. My arms feel so heavy...  
  
"Keichirou-san, she's awake!" That same voices calls.  
  
I feel something lift off my forehead and a hand replace it. "Tokio- san, can you hear me?"  
  
I want him to take his hand away... it's so hot... it's burning my skin. I force my eyes a bit wider. The image moves in and out of focus. "Mu...ra..." I can't finish the name. My throat, it's closed... I can't breathe...  
  
Somehow I roll onto one of my shoulders and cough again, gasping for oxygen as though I had just run an entire kilometer without stopping. I try to look around a little more. How can I be in my bedroom with this heat? And the sun... it's so bright... it can't possibly be morning.  
  
Another warm hand grasps me and pulls me again onto my back. I feel cold relief heavily drop onto my forehead... a rag, or something. I can make out the general shapes of the man hovering over me... the blue uniform- -he's a police officer.  
  
"You finally woke..." He says to me, opening up some sort of bag.  
  
I can't take it. It's so hot... I can feel the sweat on my face. I need a fan, something. I can't take it... For a moment's glance I wonder why Muraki-san and Keichirou Shiba are with me, but I can't concentrate. I just want to run away before I burn up. These blankets, they're so heavy. It's like a furnace...  
  
I interlock a hand with a wad of fabric and yank it down, trying my best to remove the sheets of cotton from my body. Instantly I feel my shoulders forced down. By who, I cannot tell. The blankets return to their original positioning.  
  
"Ya...me..." I can barely hear my own voice.  
  
"Please stay still, Tokio-san." Keichirou informs me. A hand touches my cheek. I pull away from it; the fingers feel like fire. I try to grip the blankets again, but I can't get a hold of them. My fingers won't close.  
  
I close my eyes again, wishing I'd fall asleep. I can't see anyone around me, make out their expression, tell what they're doing, but I can hear them speak.  
  
"No good, Muraki-san. It's worse than I thought. We need to get a better doctor in here."  
  
"Nan ka? Tokio..."  
  
I received a nudge to my shoulder. It's a light tap, but in a few seconds I suddenly feel as though I was hit or bruised.  
  
"Tokio!"  
  
That was a new voice. I want to open my eyes, but my body is moving against my will. Oh heaven, I can't breathe....  
  
"Tokio!" The voice repeats. I know that voice. Is it... Eiji?  
  
I don't hear anyone quiet him, but his calls decease.  
  
"Another doctor? What is it?"  
  
"I don't know, but... the symptoms..."  
  
I'm going to boil. I peek my eyes just barely, seeing only the shadows of light. With all my might I kick my legs up into the air, trying desperately to push the sheets off. I hear my name, then the blankets placed back on me, and tucked in firmly at my side. Please... take them off... I'll die...  
  
"Fever?"  
  
"Yes, that's it, mostly. However, by examining her I can suppose... it may be... well, it would be a rare case, and I wouldn't be sure where she could have acquired it from..."  
  
I'm beginning to not understand what they're saying. "Ya...me..." I barely whisper again. The cloth of my forehead is too hot now, like someone boiled it in water before handing it to me. I shake my head to knock it off. I succeed, and the cool air hits my face.  
  
"Malaria?" I finally tune back into the voice, opening my eyes again.  
  
"Please, another doctor, we need one right away."  
  
"Na..." I try to ask, but I'm not even able to finish the word. Someone leaves, I hear the loud pounding of steps on the floor.  
  
"Tokio-san," The rag hits my forehead again, "Are you coherent?"  
  
I swallow hard. "Na..." The word just won't come out. "Na..."  
  
"You wouldn't wake. You have a very high fever. I'm sorry, but I must keep the blankets on you."  
  
The voice is Keichirou-san's, I can finally differentiate it again. He must have known what I was trying to say, since he continues explaining.  
  
"Your son came into our station this morning. We came here, and this is the first you've been conscious today." There's a pause. "I'm going to give you some water, all right?"  
  
This morning? How long have I been asleep?  
  
My heart jumps as my head is suddenly lifted off the floor, and I feel something hard against my bottom lip. Just a bit of cold water flows into my mouth. I swallow best I can, but my throat squeezes shut with every motion. Relentless, it gives some relief to me. More water comes, but my throat won't open.  
  
Get it out, I can't breathe. I start to feel like I'm going to drown...  
  
Another forceful cough releases from my throat, and the water in my mouth disperses, replaced with hallow oxygen. I suddenly feel as though I was spinning, and though I'm still laying down, I'm sure I'm going to fall. My head sinks back to the pillow, and the sensation stops.  
  
It's quiet now, and I rest my eyes. Something splashes into a bowl of water beside me, and in a minute the rag is on my forehead again, cool and inviting. The cold seems to make the heat surround my eyes again, and...  
  
- - -  
  
When I open my eyes again, the room is a bit dimmer. I don't remember falling asleep, but I've woken up. My body is still an inferno, and I want nothing more but to escape my own skin. I don't ever recall being ill like this before. I've had fevers, but not so much that is engulfs my entire body in flames. My neck and shoulders are pasted with a dull pain, and the floor beneath me is hard and uncomfortable.  
  
Kari... where's Kari? And Eiji? I want to get up, I have to get up... but my body refuses my will...  
  
I feel a quick, sharp pain in my left shoulder, and I glance over to see two blurry images beside me. Keichirou-san, he's one of them, and... I'm not sure who the other is. He wears white. He is the one at my arm. Whatever caused the pain, a needle, I think, slowly pulls out of my skin, and the area is swabbed down.  
  
"Can you decipher it yet?" Keichirou Shiba's voice asks.  
  
The other man's face, which is slowly clearing, shakes. "I will agree with you, young man, that she does show the symptoms of Malaria. However, I can't be sure." His hand touches my neck. "But whatever it is, she is ill. I doubt she can ever understand what we're saying." He looks at my eyes.  
  
"Ka..." I try my hardest to speak, "Kari..."  
  
"Kari?" He repeats.  
  
"Her daughter. She and the boy are at the station, currently." Keichirou responds.  
  
"Where is the father?"  
  
"He's with the force, away in Kyoto since yesterday morning."  
  
There is a pause, and I try to swallow. That action alone makes me realize how thirsty I am.  
  
"She needs constant care, and I can prescribe something, for now. I will check by tomorrow, for sure. The children may stay here, but not in this room, and not by themselves."  
  
"Hai, I supposed as much." Keichirou-san replies.  
  
I watch the doctor get up, his form towering over me. Keichirou does the same, and they walk out of my current line of vision. I experience a quick coughing fit, and once I'm settled down again, I hear them talking quietly. The sliding door opens, and one leaves.  
  
Eventually Keichirou returns and kneels at my side again. The rag on my forehead is lifted off and is replaced by his hand once again.  
  
"Gomen nasai, Tokio. I don't know how you became sick... We will do our best to help you recover in Saitou's absence. I will see to it that a letter gets to him, and perhaps he can return to Tokyo early."  
  
I don't hear much more of that. Why, I don't know. Before I fall back into the world of sleep, however, I receive a much-needed drink. I want to see Kari, but I cannot even ask for her. Soon I doze off again, not sure when I'll reawake.  
  
-x-x-  
  
_ -"Ha!" Kari calls out, smiling. She topples over onto the ground, the balance of walking not quite implanted in her frail legs yet.  
  
I laugh, sitting under the shade of a tree. My legs are out before me, covered with the fabric of a red kimono. Kari struggles to get back up, her behind high in the air, fingers touching the ground. She succeeds, and continues walking shakily towards where we are. She's about to fall again, but Saitou manages to grab onto her before she does. Kari laughs. Sometimes I wonder where all of her cheerfulness comes from, even if she is just a toddler.  
  
Saitou picks her up gently and brings her closer to him, her bare feet balancing on his thighs as he supports her. He smiles at her, and she returns the gesture, trying to bat at his face with one of her small hands._  
  
_ I squint and look up. The sun starts to shine through the leaves of the tree, taking away the shade. Its light goes from warm to scolding, and I try to shield myself from it.  
  
It's so hot... so hot...-_  
  
-x -x -  
  
I wake up on my side, in the day. I've either been asleep for a very short time, or I was able to sleep through the entire length of the night. My face is damp and sticky where it connects with the pillow, and strands of my bangs are stuck to my forehead. It's still hard to breath, the air is stuffy, and I can tell that my sinuses are congested. The heat around my face and torso is unbearable.  
  
"Tokio?"  
  
I roll slowly onto my back and glance over. I see Eiji kneeling beside me, his outline only slightly out of focus. I don't say anything, since I'm not sure if I can.  
  
"Are you still sick, Tokio?" His young voice questions me. "Tokio?"  
  
"Eiji, is she awake?" A senior voice asks. Eiji blocks the doorway, but I think I know who it is.  
  
"Hai." He says, getting up. "She won't talk, though."  
  
"That's fine. Go tend to Kari, you know you shouldn't be in here."  
  
That sentence ensures me to who it is--Muraki-san. Several of the men on the police force who know us are aware that Eiji is not a family relation, and tend not to refer to Kari as his sister.  
  
Muraki walks over, placing a small tray at my side. "I'm aware that it may be hard for you to eat, Tokio, but I need you to try."  
  
I don't want it. The last thing that torments me is hunger, and I have no appetite. I want to sleep. When I sleep, I don't feel the fever, the pain, the pressure. All I want to do is rest until I heal, so I turn away from what Muraki offers me.  
  
I hear him sigh. His fingers touch my cheekbone, then pull away for a moment to remove the glove that covers them. He then touches my face again.  
  
"Dear God... Tokio, you're burning up..."  
  
Like so many times before, a cold, wet cloth is placed over my forehead, but this time another one is placed on the top of my chest, right under my collarbone. I'm very glad for this. Why they don't just drop me into a bath of ice water, I don't know. But right now, I wish they would.  
  
My head is tilted up for some water, and luckily I'm able to drink a bit more than the day before. At least I assume it was the day before. Time is so warped to me, I'm not even sure whether it is morning or evening.  
  
I don't get my wish. I end up lying on my futon for most of the day, remaining in the realm of being constantly half-awake. The fever comes in waves, I discover, at times being mild, and then suddenly rising to being unbelievably intense. Muraki stops in often, though he doesn't actually enter into the room every time. Eiji visits secretly two more times that day, but I still haven't seen Kari, and no one will tell me what she's been doing. The doctor comes in as well, but he doesn't do anything to help my suffering. Seishun Preschool also drifts into my mind, and I wonder what is happening with that.  
  
I feel guilty when I remember telling Eiji I would take him to the Kamiya Dojo. Was that today?  
  
I don't sleep until the sky darkens, and when I do, I'm grateful.  
  
- - -  
  
The next few days go on all the same, my illness getting to the point, on several occasions, that I wish it would just kill me. Keichirou Shiba finally appears again to check on me. I notice now that whenever I'm able to get a drink, something has been mixed in with it. Medicine, most likely. On his visit today, I overhear him tell Muraki-san that Saitou has replied to his letter, but he is unable to leave his work in Kyoto. That's all I hear of him, and I wish direly that I could know what else was in the letter, if anything. I truly enter the depths of hell when my own loneliness blends in with the horror of my ailment.  
  
It changes on the morning of my fifth, sixth, possibly even seventh day of my illness. I wake up ice cold, my limbs feeling frozen, and my shoulders shivering. The blankets that once surrounded me with scorching heat now did nothing to warm my chilled body. The other doctor is called to me again and prescribes something else, and tells Muraki, who has become my official caretaker for some reason, that I need to drink a lot of liquids. He does not do anything to provide me with any warmth other than an extra blanket, for fear that my fever will return. I go about four days in this state, or at least I believe it to be four days, from what I see of the sun through my window when I'm conscious. After the phase finally leaves me, my fever returns, though not quite to the sweltering anxiety I remember it being. More than a fever, however, is the profuse sweating I go through. I drink much more water, and I wake up constantly damp, my night robe sticking to my body. The summer heat and humidity makes it worse, and there is no relief in sight.  
  
I do get some consolation, however.  
  
"Tokio?" Muraki quietly say my name.  
  
I open my eyes. I wasn't sleeping, just... resting. A bead of sweat rolls off my forehead as I adjust and look over, breathing only through my mouth. I faintly smile at what I see.  
  
"Kari..." I whisper.  
  
Kari is near the verge of tears, and she runs from Muraki's light hold and collapses at my side, putting her tiny arms around my shoulders. Her touch is uncomfortable, but I bear it. I weakly raise my hand and stroke it down her short, bobbed hair. I'm glad to see that she is all right and taken care of.  
  
"You're all wet..." She speaks into my neck. I'm not sure how to respond to that.  
  
Eventually she lifts her head and stares at me, droplets on the corners of her big, green eyes. "Mommy, are you really sick?" She asks timidly.  
  
I shake my head, still stroking her hair. "Iie, Kari." I reassure her quietly, "Mommy will be better very soon."  
  
Kari sniffs a few times. "Yakusoku?" Her voice quivers.  
  
I stop short at that word. It's one simple word, but I'm not sure how to answer it. I glance up at Muraki, who stands quietly by the door. Yakusoku? Promise?  
  
"Hai." I finally answer. "I promise."  
  
Shortly after that Muraki retrieves her, I suppose it's because her exposure to me could be damaging. She cries mildly when he escorts her out of the room, and I have to struggle to keep back my own tears. Kari, however, presents me with a light of hope. I know I must get better now, for her. I've never broken a promise, and I never will.  
  
For two days Keichirou-san comes to look after me. By the time Muraki returns, my fever has gone down, and the sweating has stopped. I'm not well yet, but I start healing enough that my outlook is good. After about three, full weeks of the ailment, I am able to sit up in bed to eat some and drink, though on occasion I have needed someone to assist me to get upright. Once my fever has relaxed, I'm mostly left with the steady feeling of weakness. I did try to stand, once, and the dizzy sensation that surrounded me was so intense that I fell back to the ground within seconds. After that I was reminded to stay in bed. I rest for a good portion of the day, trying to gain back my strength. Kari and Eiji are allowed to see me more, but they still cannot visit freely.  
  
And so I sleep again. I don't remember what I dream about, but I think it was peaceful. I enjoy dreams like that. I think I slept for quite some time... three hours approximately when my nap ends, since my room had a dim blue lighting to it, telling me the sun is going down. I yawn a bit, the fatigue of my illness still lying with me. I do think that I'm strong enough to sit up for a drink, or at least I believe that I still have water in the cup by my bedside. I turn my head to reach for it, and find myself reaching for a katana instead.  
  
I gasp. I trail my eyes upward. I can't believe what I'm seeing.  
  
He's there. Saitou sits beside me, facing the same way that I am. He still wears his uniform, his sword beside him. One of his knees is bent, and his elbow leans against it, his face in his hand. His eyes are closed too.  
  
How... how long has he been home? How long has he been... there?  
  
I watch him closely. He seems peaceful, yet there is a look on his resting expression that seems unsure. My eyes start to water involuntarily. I'm so happy... to finally see him...  
  
"Saitou..." I whisper.  
  
His eyes slowly open, so he wasn't asleep. He lowers his knee a little and looks over at me. The faintest... smallest smile forms on his lips.  
  
"Tokio... Are you feeling well?" He asks a bit quietly.  
  
A tear escapes the very corner of my eye, and I smile a bit. "Hai." I answer.  
  
His hand brushes a strand of my dark hair away from my face. "I'm sorry, I could not come any sooner."  
  
"It's all right." I reply weakly. "I was taken care of."  
  
He turns a bit more towards me, and his thumb caresses over my cheekbone a few times. I notice he has all ready taken his glove off. His amber eyes watch me silently for what feels like a long time. I place my hand over his, so grateful to feel his touch again. It seems like eternity since I last saw him. I'm about to speak, but he beats me to it.  
  
"You should continue to rest, Tokio." He informs me. "You need to regain your strength."  
  
I nod, still holding his hand. "Hai."  
  
Slowly he leans over and lightly kisses my forehead. He speaks again as he pulls back. "I'll watch over you." He adds in his usual serious voice.  
  
I release his hand. "Oyasumi." I whisper.  
  
Surprisingly, it doesn't take me too long to fall asleep, or at least dwell in a deep rest. The thought of Saitou home, with me, calms me into a peaceful slumber.  
  
And it gives me the last few threads of strength I need to recover. 


	10. Cared For

To my loyal reviewers: Sorry this took so long, I actually had it all written but forgot to post it!! bows down humbly I'm in a bit of a hurry so I did a quick editing job, so I apologize for un-caught errors. ;;  
  
Chapter 10: Cared For  
  
It's been a little more than two weeks since Saitou returned from Kyoto, and we've entered into the month of July. Surprisingly, he hasn't been to work since. Muraki-san left and he stayed at home while I recovered from my ailment, and I'm glad to say that I'm making a full recovery. I've been out of bed for the last week, though I haven't been able to return to the Seishun Preschool. I know of another teacher who has been running it a few times a week until I come back.  
  
Saitou spoke to me after discussing it with Keichirou Shiba. He, and the other doctor, were not quite positive as to what plagued me. I had every symptom of Malaria, apparently, though some of them came out of the usual order. As long as I'm well now, I'm happy.  
  
After a long, warm bath in the morning, I put on a light pink kimono and put my hair up like I always do. I come into the house through the bathroom that connects to the bathhouse. Kari and Eiji are up, and they both have school today. Eiji is taking classes in the morning today, so he will be back far in time for dinner. Kari has preschool for the usual three hours or so. I enter into the kitchen and see Saitou at the stove, boiling water. He does know how to cook, but only simple things like miso soup or soba noodles.  
  
I grab a tie off of the rack by the sink and bind my sleeves back before heading to the cupboard for some corn meal and flour. I feel like making corn cakes today before everyone heads off.  
  
"You seem to be feeling well, again." Saitou says.  
  
"Hai." I answer. I notice that he's not in his uniform, but a blue shirt and light gray hakama pants. He doesn't wear those very often. "You're not going to work today either?" I ask.  
  
He shakes his head. "No, there is no need for me there. I'd rather stay at home today."  
  
I feel myself beam at that statement. I get a bowl and begin making the dough for the cakes with what I imagine looks like a ridiculous grin on my face.  
  
"Arigatou gozaimasu." I say, scooting over to the sink to wash my hands before touching the dough.  
  
Saitou smirks at me. "Tokio, I think I've heard more 'thank you's from you in the past week than I have in my entire life."  
  
I smile more, shaking water droplets off my hands and into the sink. "Gomen ne, but I really can't help it."  
  
Before our conversation can go on, Eiji comes running into the kitchen. At first I think he'd stop since Saitou was there, but he doesn't. He scrambles around, looking for a place to hide. In a matter of seconds, Kari's screaming giggles echo into the room, soon followed by her, and she runs up to Eiji and grabs onto the waist of his pants.  
  
"Ne Kari-chan, you win again." He unhooks her fingers.  
  
I laugh a bit before looking over Kari. "Oh dear, Eiji, could you run a brush through Kari's hair? And when do you leave for school?"  
  
Kari's hands now grip tightly to Eiji's, and he swings them back and forth. "Yeah, sure. I gotta start walking there in... an hour?" He questions me, but I know just about as well as he does. He usually takes the afternoon sessions.  
  
"I'll have to hurry with breakfast then. Go take care of Kari, kudasai."  
  
Eiji does as he is told and walks Kari out of the kitchen, Kari still tugging at his fingers for him to play with her more.  
  
I hear a low "hm" near me.  
  
I turn around to face Saitou. "Nani?" I ask.  
  
Saitou has an onion in hand and starts to peel it. "You're very good with them."  
  
Ah, the best compliment a mother could here. "Arigatou."  
  
"Stop thanking me, Tokio."  
  
- - -  
  
Breakfast is served the moment the corn cakes come out of the oven, and we eat those with the rice that Saitou prepared. I'm in such a chipper mood I can barely contain myself, and I get a bit embarrassed when I really think about it. The whole four of us sit down at the table to eat, and I enjoy the site of all of us together. Even Saitou is smiling.  
  
The moment Eiji is done he grabs the bag beside him and heads out the front door. I try to scold him on his manners, but he's out the front gate before I get even a few words out. I hear a distant "Ja!" before he's out of sight.  
  
Saitou gets up to close the door that Eiji left ajar. He eats very calmly. I don't think I've ever seen him rush. When we're finished, Saitou tends to Kari while I wash off the dishes. Once I'm sure everything is put away and where it needs to be, I head back into the living room where Saitou now waits with Kari. Today he's going to walk with us to the preschool.  
  
The whole way to Seishun Kari has one hand in mine and the other in Saitou's, and she talks to us in simple Japanese about random topics the whole way. She asks me for green peppers for dinner, which seems to amuse Saitou. She's discussing the game she played with Eiji this morning when we arrive. If I do say so myself, the rules are unfair and complicated, but Kari certainly seems to enjoy it.  
  
"Tokio-san!" Amaya's mother runs off the porch towards me. "I've been trying to find you all week! You're feeling better? I heard about what happened."  
  
I nod, still smiling. "Hai, domo. I feel fine. Actually, I plan on returning here to teach next week."  
  
She lights up. "Ne, really? I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure the children all miss you." She finally recognizes Saitou. "Fujita-san, you're home?"  
  
"For today, yes." He answers.  
  
"It's good to see you again." She waves a hand to us. "I will see you later, maybe after the preschool ends."  
  
"Hai. Ja matta, Touru-san." I say. She departs back for her home, and we walk Kari to the steps. Saitou takes a look into the open room, looking around at the place where I spend so much time. Finally he offers an arm to me and we head back.  
  
We're only home for a few minutes before we leave together again to do some shopping in the market. Eiji's starting to outgrow some of his things, so I want to buy him another set of clothes and some fabric so I can custom make the rest. We also have some groceries and other things to purchase.  
  
- - -  
  
It's early afternoon when we get back home, and Saitou carries the two bags for me. As I step onto the porch I hear Eiji talking in the living room. I knew he'd probably be home by now, but who would he have as a guest?  
  
I give a curious look back to Saitou and slide the door open, taking my shoes off before standing in. When I look into the living room, I see Eiji and another man at the table.  
  
"Yamato?" I ask, walking in. "Oniisan, what are you doing in Tokyo?" My voice rises a bit in happiness, and Yamato stand up to embrace me. Saitou comes in next, and puts the bags on the floor.  
  
"I came to share some news with you, and I haven't visited in a while." My brother answers.  
  
I step back from him and look him over. He looks the same, of course. His hair is a bit longer, reaching to the base of his shoulder blades, and its held back in a low ponytail. He wears the usual gi and hakama. Yamato is the sibling closest to me in age, being two years older.  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot." I certainly can't leave now, seeing as how I have a guest. "Eiji, would you be so kind as to go pick Kari up?"  
  
"Yeah." Eiji gets up off the floor and steps outside, putting his shoes on and shutting the door behind him.  
  
"He's the one you're taking care of, hm?" Yamato asks.  
  
"Hai, he is. How long have you been here?" I inquire.  
  
"Not too long, actually. That young man kept me company and let me in." Yamato glances past me, and I turn to see that he's looking at Saitou. "Hajime," he speaks, a bit cooler, "I'm surprised to see you home."  
  
Saitou leans against the wall, his arms folded. "I do live here." He says lowly.  
  
Sadly, though my father highly approved of him, Yamato never liked Saitou. Not many people do, I know, but Yamato tends to make it fairly obvious time to time. Usually it's just a strain of testosterone when they're in the same room.  
  
I quickly remember my manners. "Yamato, would you like something to eat? Drink? Tea? I could go make it for you."  
  
Yamato's attention goes back to me, and he grins. "Arigatou, Tokio, in a moment. First I want to tell you why I came here. I thought a letter would be too formal.  
  
Yamato and I sit down, and Saitou stays where he is, a serious look on his face. I don't invite him over, I know he'd refuse anyways.  
  
"What is it, Oniisan?" I ask, a bit excited now.  
  
Yamato clears his throat. "Tokio, you remember Nebiki." He speaks. I do remember, she was a young woman I met on my last trip to Osaka. "Well," he continues, "She just recently accepted my hand in marriage a few weeks ago."  
  
My eyes widen. "What? Really?!" I ask.  
  
He nods. "We haven't set a date yet, but I'm sure it will be before the year is through."  
  
I lean over the table and give Yamato another hug. "I can't believe you're getting married, Oniisan! That's wonderful!" And I liked Nebiki too. She's a seamstress who lives in Osaka with my brother and most of my family. She was very polite.  
  
I pull away. "Who else have you told?" I question.  
  
"Mostly everyone, except for Umeka. Robun is meeting me in Yokohama tomorrow, so I'll only be here for the rest of the day." He explains.  
  
Umeka lives with her husband in Yokohama, just west of Tokyo. She and I are the only ones who don't live near the vicinity of Osaka. Umeka is my eldest sister, and she's 33. After her I have my two older brothers, Matsu and Yamato, 31 and 28. After that I came. When I was about three my biological father, Shimazaki Kan, died, and my mother married a year later to Akaike Gihei. He had a son who's a year older than Yamato, Robun, my stepbrother. He and my mother had two more children after that, my half siblings. My younger brother, Arinori, is 19, and the only single member of my family, and Chieko, who's 16. Like Umeka and I, she is engaged to a man my father chose, though the marriage won't take place until she is 18.  
  
"You came all the way here to tell me?" I inquire further.  
  
"It's only a day by train, Imoto." Yamato assures me.  
  
I stand up and brush off my kimono. "Then you'll stay for a while, ne?"  
  
He nods.  
  
I turn to Saitou. "Saitou, do you remember Nebiki? We met her in Osaka last winter."  
  
"Yes, I remember." He responds.  
  
"Well, I'll go make some lunch. Kari and Eiji will be back soon too."  
  
"Ah, Kari! How is she doing?" Yamato speaks up again.  
  
"Very well. I'm sure she'll be excited to see you." I head for the kitchen.  
  
"Chotto Matte, Tokio." Yamato stops me, laughing a bit. "One more thing."  
  
"Hm?" I turn around.  
  
"Did you hear from Umeka yet? About her news?"  
  
I shake my head. "I haven't, what is it?"  
  
"I hear she's pregnant again."  
  
I'm in shock. "Really? Again? That would be number five, wouldn't it?"  
  
"Hai." Yamato's grin fades slightly. "Though, in the letter Father got, she didn't seem too thrilled."  
  
A bit of my cheer fades. "Ne, is that so? She's not depressed again, is she?" I notice my own worried tone.  
  
"I don't know." He confesses. "We'll find out eventually, though."  
  
Finally I head into the kitchen and get some water to boil on the stove for some tea. I hear Yamato and Saitou finally exchange a few words, but I don't listen enough to make out what they're saying.  
  
Umeka... On and off over the years she's faced a few problems with stress and depression. It started a little while before she got married. With her first son she seemed to be over it, but it slowly returned. When I see her she's still able to smile, but I don't know how far it really goes. Sometimes I can't help but feel sorry for her... Umeka didn't luck out like me. Even after nearly 15 years of marriage, she never fell in love with her husband like I did with Saitou.  
  
I get out some pre-made tea bags and some ceramic cups from a lower cupboard and place them by the stove. I start contemplating what to serve for lunch. A stew of some sort would be good, but what kind was another matter. I was going through a list in my mind of what we had, when suddenly the dizzy sensation I had had on and off with my illness returns to me. I lean forward and balance myself on the edge of the counter. I start taking a few deep breaths to calm it down. I am fully healed for the most part, but I suppose that all the walking I did today started to...  
  
I shut my eyes, but that only makes it worse. I sway a bit as the room seems to spin, and suddenly I start to fall towards the floor. I try to grab onto something, but the only thing my fingers reach is one of the tea cups. It comes down with me and crashes on the floor, shattering loudly. I manage to land sitting upright, my back hitting against the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room.  
  
"Tokio!" I hear Saitou call from the other room. He runs in and spots me, darting to my side. He puts one hand behind my neck and another on my shoulder to help me sit up better. I just look forward a bit, the sensation slowly wearing off again.  
  
Yamato is soon to appear too. "Tokio!" He calls. "Doushita?!"  
  
I blink a few times and return to normal. I look over at Saitou, who has a very worried expression.  
  
"I'm... fine. Gomen nasai, I think I was just up a bit too much today..."  
  
Saitou's palm touches my forehead, then flows down to my cheek to check for a fever. I'm sure he doesn't find one, though.  
  
"You should rest." He finally decides.  
  
"No, it's gone now..." I inform him.  
  
"Tokio, you're not ill, are you?" Yamato leans over, worried as well.  
  
"She's getting over a sickness." Saitou answers him, though he still watches me. "Tokio, I want you to go to bed."  
  
"Saitou, I..." But he doesn't give me time to object. His forearm moves under my knees and he lifts me off the floor, my body hugging to his chest. I grip a handful of the fabric of his shirt as he turns around, Yamato staring as he walks past him and out of the kitchen. He goes through the living room and down the adjoining hall to our bedroom, not saying a word. My bed is still out from this morning since I hadn't had the chance to put it away, and he slowly kneels down and lays me down on top of it.  
  
I start to sit back up, propping myself onto my elbows. "Saitou, it passed. Please, I really am fine, and Yamato..."  
  
Saitou places his hands on either of my shoulders, but he doesn't force me down. Instead he gently eases my weight off my elbows until my head sinks back into my pillow.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Please." He says.  
  
I blink, not sure what to say. His tone is different, not quite so serious. I actually think he's worried about me.  
  
"Demo..." I say quieter.  
  
He reaches for my blanket and covers the majority of me. "I don't want you to over exert yourself, Tokio." He gazes right into my eyes. "Just for a little while. I'll take care of Yamato." After that statement, he stands back up and heads back for the door.  
  
"Matte, Saitou," I call out one more time. He looks back to me.  
  
I sigh, giving in. "Please try to get along with him."  
  
He's hesitant, but nods. He then leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.  
  
I watch the frame for a minute more, then gaze up at the ceiling. "I'm not very tired, but maybe I should rest. I did do a lot of walking today."  
  
I do sit up again to take the pins out of my hair so it's easier to lie on. I just rest awake for a while, resting my eyes, so I hear it when Eiji and Kari come home.  
  
Only for an hour or two though. Then I'll be back up. 


	11. Summer Storm

Author's note: I'm updating!!! Who's proud of me?! I've gotten many a review telling me to update, so I finally did. (Although just sending me an email is better than a review) Thank you so much to those who reviewed. I've replied to the reviewers with questions below: 

Alice: Don't worry, it's not important to know any of Tokio's brothers and sisters at the time being, except for maybe Yamato. They were in there to basically explain how she comes from a large family, and they were part of explaining her second father, since if it weren't for him, she and Saitou wouldn't be together!

To Jadegoddess: Malaria isn't incurable, but it can be lethal. And there's no solid proof that Tokio had Malaria, but it's most likely that she did. (I actually did put a reference in to Mosquitos in one of the chapters before she got it, seeing how mosquitos are what carry the virus.)

To Kakashi-fan: Yes, I created all of Tokio's siblings. Tokio isn't a real person, so I couldn't have found them from historical research.

To Boneesan: Since you mentioned it, I though I'd point this out to all the readers. Tokio's stepfather has all the daughters of the family in arranged marriages. Her older sister's depression is there to show that not all arranged marriages turn out for the good.

-- -- -- --

Chapter 11: Summer Storms 

Like I had planned, I only manage to sleep for an hour, possibly a little more, before I wake up again. It's still light outside, which means I should have time still to start dinner, we could either eat late or I could make a simple meal. Yamato was visiting though, and I wanted to make something nice for him.

A delighted scream from Kari finally jolts me enough to rise from my bed. I really do feel fine, just very slightly drowsy from a nap I hadn't originally planned on taking. It's a defect that will wear off easily. I stand up from my blankets and straighten out my garments. I ponder for a moment whether or not to do my hair back up, but I really don't feel like taking the time; my sleeping was impolite enough, really. I put in a simple braid instead and head out of the bedroom. Only Eiji is in the living room though. When I see him I realize that Kari's yell must have come through my window.

"Eiji, where is everyone?" I asked, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

Eiji looked up from a few papers he was working on. "They went outside a little while ago."

I start for the kitchen, but halt myself. "Eiji dear, are you doing homework?"

"Yeah." He answers casually, not looking up from his writing.

I smile calmly. He really does want to become like his brother, Mishima. It seemed as though my bribery with the dojo was successful.

"Tomorrow, then."

"Huh?" Eiji turns around to face me.

I pause for a moment to think. "I hope it isn't rude to Kaoru-san, but I suppose I could take you to the dojo tomorrow, while I still have a substitute at the day care."

Eiji's next move is so fast I can barely see him when he suddenly plummets into me, his tan arm squeezing my ribs. "Arigatou Tokio!"

I laugh. "Eiji, you're hurting me..."

He immediately lets go. "G-gomen..."

"Go do your work." I instruct. When he returns to the table, I head through the kitchen and outside to the garden. I hold still for a moment and hear Yamato talking in the backyard. Perhaps he and Saitou are getting along as I had hoped. I follow their voices until they come into sight near the back fence. Kari is crawling under Yamato's legs as the two men talk. I sigh when I see an unwelcoming look still planted on Saitou's face, his arms folded across his chest. As I near them, I can make out more of what they're saying.

"And I suppose you don't have much time for her either, hm?" Yamato says in a friendly voice as Kari's head pops up in front of him. He smiles and accepts her lifted hands.

Saitou's eyebrows lower, which makes me walk a little faster. They're talking about his work again, I'm sure. Oh please Yamato... don't talk about his work...

Saitou opens his mouth to say something, but Kari drags Yamato's hand around and he turns to spot me.

"Tokio!" He says, letting go of Kari for a moment and stepping up to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Imoto, are you feeling well?"

I smile my brightest, or at least try to. I hate it when others worry over me. "Onii-san, I'm fine." I glance over to my husband. He gives a bit of an unbelieving look, but doesn't speak. I don't know why, I really do feel fine.

I quickly refocus on Yamato as Kari pulls at the back of my kimono. "Onii-san, what would you like me to cook you for dinner?"

"Cook?" Yamato laughs. "Tokio, I won't ask you to do that for me. Actually, I'm more than happy to treat all of you to something. I imagine you don't get to go out much."

For a moment, I sense an indirect blow to Saitou in his statement. "Arigatou gozaimasu." I answer. Before either of us can say much more, I feel my kimono loosen a bit. I grab the front of my obi quickly.

"Kari!" I shout out, startled. My four-year-old pulled on the end of the tie against my back and nearly made it come completely undone. My cheeks get a little hot with embarrassment. I saved myself from immodesty, but I am still in front of my older brother.

Yamato laughs lightly. Kari tugs on my bow more.

"Kari, stop, now." Saitou appears behind me and lightly pulls Kari's hand away from the bow. I'm very grateful for that. Kari frowns and runs to Yamato.

"G-gomen..." I say to Saitou, who is gathering my obi and retying it. Of all times...

"You're fine Tokio, really." Yamato picks Kari up and rests her on his left hip. I release the front of my kimono when I feel it is secure enough. Saitou finishes quickly. I turn and thank him.

"Where would you like to eat?" Yamato questions.

I'm not sure, really. "Saitou, do you have a preference?" I ask.

Saitou pulls out the front of his collar. "I'm afraid I won't be attending with you, Tokio, I have to get back to work." I watch his amber eyes gaze bullets at my brother before he turns on his heel and heads back to the house.

"Saitou..." I whisper after him. Today was his day off, too.

Yamato frowns at him. "Work again, isn't it? It may mean you're well provided for, Imoto, I can't argue with that, but with that man..." He sighs. "You deserve better."

"Please... don't say that." I ask quietly. "Saitou is all I could ever ask for." I look back to my sibling. "I do love him, Yamato. Please remember that when you speak so idly of him."

Yamato's eyes seemed to sadden a bit, and I look away. I hope I didn't say anything to offend him. Almost as to match the setting, the sun hides behind a cloud, casting a shadow over the house. I gaze up at it. It's not one cloud, but several, fairly gray in color. Maybe a storm was coming in.

Yamato's warm hand lightly grips my fingers. "Gomen nasai, Imoto-chan." He says quietly, easing Kari down. "I don't mean any harm to you."

I don't say anything, but I accept his apology. It's true, he will never mean any harm to me, but I fear that no matter what I do, what I try, he will never feel that way towards Saitou. Not many people do.

We go out as planned to a diner called Shiroryuu, and Yamato really does seem to go the extra mile in his spending. He works merchandising with my father, and he's very prosperous in it. I looked around the house to see if Saitou was there, but once I found his belt and katana missing, I knew he really had returned to work. Perhaps he was avoiding further confrontation with my brother, or perhaps he didn't like the idea of sitting at a meal with him. Yamato is very friendly, and he's very understanding. Saitou is quite serious, perhaps one of the most stoic people I have ever met, but deep down he has a loving soul, and he's very determined. He is someone who I doubt I will ever see fail. Perhaps their personalities clash mildly, but something else triggers their disputes. From the moment Otou-san brought Saitou and his father into our home to arrange our marriage, he hasn't been fond of him. My other sister was betrothed... but perhaps it was an older-brother thing, maybe he merely wanted to protect me.

Yamato also takes the stride to walk my family and I home. The clouds are much darker now, and though I think it only dusk, it looks as though the night sky has settled early. The wind picks up as well, so I hold Kari's hand rather tightly. I am more than pleased to see how well Yamato and Eiji are getting along. Eiji really warmed up to him.

As soon as the three of us are safely at our home, Yamato bids us farewell, not staying the night because he has to catch a late train to Yokohama to rendezvous with Robun. The house is dark, and I light the lantern by the front door. Saitou still isn't home. I hope he doesn't work all night... he does that when he's upset, though it's taken me years to learn how to read what little emotion he gives off. Instead, I see the dark clouds as an excuse to get the kids into bed early. I'm glad Eiji will be in the same room as Kari, she seems to get a bit frightened when it thunders. I carefully guide the children up the stairs with the lantern and help them get into bed, though Eiji does most of the work of setting up the futons.

"Tomorrow, right?" Eiji asks, almost reminding me that I said we'd go to the Kamiya dojo.

I smile. "Yes Eiji, do you have school?"

"Nope! We can be gone all day!"

I nod and get him to quiet down, and soon he and Kari are asleep. Right before I exit the room, a loud firework of thunder blasts down from the sky, Kari jumping up in her bed. In the dark and can see Eiji reaching out for her hand, and it keeps her from crying. I close the door silently behind me and make my way carefully down the darkened stairwell.

I realize that I return to Seishun Preschool soon, and in my previous bedridden state, I hadn't prepared a single thing. I'll be completely lost in the children's lessons upon my return... I don't know whether the substitute continued their learning, helped them review, or merely acted as a babysitter.

With the aid of my small light, I go into my sewing room and silently slide the door shut. On a high shelf are two more candles and another lantern, and with a long incense stick I light all four, leaving the candles height and setting the lanterns on the floor. As to what I should prepare, I have no idea. It's something I'll ponder on.

I notice that a pair of brown hakama pants are strewn over my dresser. They're Eiji's. He must have put them there recently. I pick them up and examine them in the dim light, finding a tear in the hem at the bottom of the right leg. Seeing as how I don't have a lesson idea, I take up the pants and search for a needle and thread. I can sew the clothing up and ponder on a few thoughts for the school at the same time. I kneel in my kimono on the wooden floor and carefully stitch by candlelight. At that time another explosion of sound rips through the clouds, tearing the sky so it releases fast pouring rain that hits the roof over my head. I find it relaxing for some reason. We don't get many thunderstorms, though summer is the season for them.

I hope Saitou doesn't patrol tonight.

-- -- -- --

I suppose my busy work keeps me a bit oblivious from the time, because after Eiji's pants are repaired and I begin writing with a pen and ink for my lesson, a yawn tries to inform me of the hour. I'm not very tired though, most likely due to my nap, so I keep working. I figure a lesson that's more random than usual, more games than work, will be enough to entertain the children while letting me catch up on where they are after my three week absence. I write several ideas down, and because of what happened earlier that day, I decide it would be useful to help teach the children how to tie obis. I can bring two from home, one of mine and one of Saitou's, and put it around a wooden board for them to practice.

A glimpse of lightening, another sound of thunder. One of the candles on the shelf goes out. It had only a short stem left anyway, and the room only dims slightly. At the same time I hear heavy footsteps coming towards the door, and it slides open to reveal Saitou. He must have seen the light through the rice paper and knew I hadn't been asleep... since I usually am by the time he gets home.

His demeanor doesn't seem to be a very chipper one.

"Tokio, it's late." He scolds me like a father; "you should have been in bed a while ago."

I place my pen down and am about to apologize when I realize that Saitou is dripping in the hallway, soaking wet from the rain. It doesn't even phase him.

I stand up, concerned. "Saitou, you're soaking wet!" I point out my thoughts in a vaguely hushed voice. I walk towards him. "You patrolled tonight?"

Saitou seems weary of my fret and evades his eyes.

Our roles switch now and I act as though I'm his mother. With a sigh I take his wrist and make him sit down on a chair I pull out from the corner. "Saitou, earlier you had me rest for my own health, perhaps you should consider your own." I unbutton the collar of his uniform.

Saitou brushes my hands away and does it himself, taking off his gloves first. I can tell that he would have preferred me to be asleep so he could have avoided this.

I step back and brush some loose hair from my face. "You know you can't keep wet clothes..."

"You can avoid the lecture, Tokio." His low voice has a bit of irritation in it. "It's one I've heard several times and I don't care to go over it again."

With the newfound joy of his unpleasant attitude, I leave the room for a moment and get a large towel from the closet in the hallway, going back and exchange it for Saitou's damp shirt. I leave again and head to the kitchen, shaking the heavy material a few times before slinging it over a kitchen chair to dry. I don't want to bother searching in the dark for a laundry basket that only God knows where it is. When I come back the white towel rests on Saitou's neck, and his impassive amber eyes stare unfocused on the floorboards. I inhale deeply and remember that it hasn't been the best day for him, what with Yamato and with the stress of work in this horrid weather. With much more patience, a step over to him and lift one hem of the towel over his head, gently drying off his hair. He doesn't move, nor speak. It's times like these that I'm lost again, I don't know whether to treat him as an adult or a child, since neither is ever correct. I know that Saitou is beyond all that, being something that I could never understand, no matter how badly I try.

I drop the towel back to his shoulders and look at him, his gaze still on the floorboards that my body should now be hiding. I run my fingers over his shoulder--his skin is still cold. He doesn't seem so much irritated anymore, though he is far from anything good. I rest my forehead on his damp hair for a moment, smelling rain. He didn't take his cap.

I lift my head again. "Gomen nasai, Saitou." I feel a pity for him that I knew I shouldn't. I brush a few strands of his long bangs away from his face, stopping my hand on his jawbone. I lower my face to his.

His hand suddenly grips my wrist, purposely halting my actions. "Tokio." He says dully.

I pull away, a little hurt. He denies me. He never approves of any sentimental atmosphere.

Once his hold of my hand lightens, I step back a little and smooth my kimono fabric under my knees and kneel in front of him. Finally a glance towards me replaces his fascination with the floor. I just barely touch his thin cheek with a fingertip and lift up to him, not being stopped this time. Even his lips feel cold against mine; I only warm them for a short period before releasing him. I look into his eyes, a bit defiant.

"Saitou, you're still angry." I have to say it for him.

I don't expect him to say anything, seeing how he is, and he doesn't. He merely adverts his eyes again. I forgive him for it, I know that after living through a life of so much war and fighting, any person would have difficult times in more relaxed social... or even private situations. Even after so many years of domesticity.

My hands drop to my lap and my gaze follows them. "Are you angry with me?"

"No."

"I know I'm repeating myself, but don't be angry with Yamato." I continue.

Saitou exhales loudly and straightens. "It's beneath me to allow his mediocre quarrels to be anything more than that." He takes a second to search for his cigarettes before recalling that they're not with him.

After hesitation, I finally say, "I won't defend him."

Saitou looks back to me and lifts my chin up. He examines me for a moment, and his face softens. "You're a good woman, Tokio."

I lay my palm against the back of his hand and rise off my heels to get closer to him. "Please remember," I whisper, kissing the corner of his mouth, "I love you, Hajime."

He turns his head to meet me fully, leaning into me as the rain pounds on the roof a little louder. His hand slides from under mine and slowly glides down my jaw and neck, lingering on the valley between my neck and shoulder. He breaks for a small breath and kisses me again, this time in a way I don't expect, my lips having to part more to compensate for him. My free hand clutches onto his bare side, scratching over it with my nails. I hear his chair slide away, but I'm too lost in the moment to care what he's doing with it.

The cool air of the room touches my shoulder, the warmth of my kimono no longer protecting it. Our kiss ends, and Saitou's eyes pierce through mine. I gaze at them for a moment, but my hunger for him proves too strong, and our next kiss puts the last to shame.

The rain against the roof and walls, the rain in his hair... If only storms like this never ended.

-- -- -- -- --

I can't imagine how late it is. My other candle has burnt out, but the two lanterns are still glowing. Most of my hair has fallen out of its braid, and a lock of it streaks in front of my face, skimming over the lines of the floorboards. I can feel Saitou's breath behind my ear, his arm loosely slung over my hip. My kimono acts like a blanket, though I only feel it over my legs.

"You work the long shift tomorrow?" I asked quietly.

"Yes."

I press the small of my back against his stomach and my head lightly to his cheek. We'll only stay here until our strength is back.

"Eiji!" I call up the stairs, "Eiji, Hayaku kudasai! We'll miss the trolley dear!"

Kari tugs on my kimono and points to herself. "What about me?"

I turn to Kari and bend my knees a bit. "You're going to play with Eshiko today, remember?"

Kari thinks for a moment. "Can Eshiko and me come with Eiji too?"

I smile. "Well, either you can come with Eiji without Eshiko, or you two can play all day long at her house."

Seeing how the sound of playtime far amuses her more than an half-an-hour ride across Tokyo, Kari shouts "play!" and bobs up and down, finally excited to spend time with her friend. Eiji thuds down the stairs and swings off the rail, landing behind me.

"Come on Tokio! I might get a bokken today!" He shouts eagerly.

"Indoor voice, Eiji." I take Kari's hand and lead the two children out the door, picking up a bag off the table as I go. We walk Kari around the corner and down the street to the Mikazuki residence, give my many thanks, then I take Eiji to the trolley center.

"When can I start going by myself?" Eiji asks when we're finally seated. They're the same seats we had the first time, oddly enough.

"Can I take that you don't enjoy my company, Eiji?" I tease.

"You know what I mean. So when can I?" He asks again.

"Hmmm... MAYBE next time, we'll see how today goes. It wouldn't be a bad idea, at least. I can't stay with you for every lesson. Oh, and please remind me to pay Kaoru-san, I'll get the next five lessons for you taken care of."

Eiji beams. "Hai!"

"What was that young boy's name again? The other student?"

Eiji thinks for a second. "Yahaki or Yahiko or something like that.

When we arrive to the area where the Kamiya dojo is, I give Eiji a reminder to mind his manners and to do what Kaoru says. He brushes it off easily. We pass the Akabeko and head down the street. past the small stream and to the doors of the Dojo.

One of them is all ready open, and I spot an old man on the front porch, two young brunettes playing with a ball in front of him.

- - - -

Author's note: I've started on chapter 12, so I'll try not to get sidetracked again and get a quicker update!


	12. Swords and Secrets

Author's note: Quick update! Yay! I'm surprised how fast the reviews came in! Domo Arigatou!

On another note, I've officially figured out that Saitou is Saitou's last name, which only helps me greatly in this fanfiction.

To Jadegoddess/Jisatsu: Saitou wasn't in a good mood because of all sorts of things, one particularly being Yamato.

To Rabid Turtle: I especially liked your review. Did Saitou and Yamato meet previously? Hm... good question.

Again, thank you to all the reviewers. You give me inspiration to write!

-- -- -- --

Chapter 12: Swords and Secrets

"Kaoru!" The old man pokes around the corner of the dojo, calling for Eiji's teacher. His name is Gensei, and he's the family doctor. The two small girls are Ayame and Suzume, Gensei-san's grand daughters.

"I have a little girl about your age." I tell Suzume. "Maybe one day you two can meet."

Suzume and her sister smile at me. "You can bring her over!" Suzume calls. "What's her name?"

"Kari."

"Ah! Tokio-san!"

I turn to see Kaoru rushing over to me, smoothing her hair back as she came. She quickly bowed. "Ohayo gozaimasu!"

I return the gesture. "I'm sorry if this is late notice..."

Kaoru shakes her head. "Actually, it's perfect! I was about to get on Yahiko to practice." Her view changes to Eiji. "Eiji, right?"

"Yes." Eiji replies. "Is Kenshin here?"

Kaoru shakes her head. "I sent him out for tofu... again... but he'll be back soon if you want to see him." Her blue eyes refocus on me. "Tokio-san, are you staying too?"

I nod. "If it's not too much trouble. I can stay out here with Gensei-san if you like."

Kaoru shakes her hand at me. "Oh, it's no trouble."

"I have payment for you too..."

"Kaoru, what's the big idea?!" The tan boy, Yahiko, suddenly comes around the corner too. "I..." Yahiko spots me and quickly reforms himself, gawking at a stranger. His cheeks go red.

"Yahiko, we have guests." Kaoru says, indirectly scolding him. "This is Eiji, and this is Tokio. Eiji is our new student, the one I told you about."

Yahiko, who is holding a bamboo sword, shifts to Eiji. "New student? Alright!" He smashes his sword into his hand. "I could use something else to pummel on besides Kaoru."

"Yahiko!" Kaoru objects.

"Oh yeah?" Eiji asks in a challenge. "I'd like to see you try!"

"Eiji..."

Eiji rolls his eyes towards me and tucks his hands into his hakama pants.

"Well, let's go into the training hall. Would you like to come in, Tokio-san?" Kaoru questions.

I smile. "In a moment, thank you."

Kaoru tucks Eiji and Yahiko around the corner and out of sight. Before I can think of what to do next, I hear an unfamiliar voice call to me.

"Well, what do we have here, little missie?"

I turn around to see a very tall man walking casually towards me, dressed mostly in white, his brown hair tied up in a red sash. I know I've seen him before...

"Ohayo gozaimasu." I reply, bowing.

The man stops short, giving me a suspicious look. "You're not from the Akabeko or something comin' to collect tabs, are ya?"

Akabeko! I recognize the man as the one I had met at the Akabeko the last time I had come up here, the one who had dealt with the unruly drunks. "Iie." I reply.

He seems relieved. "Good. Here for Kenshin or Kaoru or somethin'?"

"I came here to enroll a student with Kaoru-san." I say.

The man snaps his fingers. "Oh, I heard about you... lesse, Eiji's the kid's name, right?"

I nod.

"And you're.... Toki...?"

"Tokio." I correct, smiling at his bluntness. "Fujita Tokio."

"Right. Well, Jo-chan is a good teacher, you did somethin' smart enrolling your son here." He says.

"Sano!" Ayame appears, grabbing the man's index and middle finger and tugging on it. "You said you would play with us!"

"Oh, he's not my son." I say.

"He's not?" the man was pulled over for a second my Ayame's tugs. He quickly stood up again. "Well in that case, I'm Sagara Sanosuke."

I smile. "Sagara-san, I met you at the Akabeko about a month ago."

Sanosuke lifts Ayame up by the two fingers she still had a grip on and swung her around, receiving a laugh in return. He grinned. "Though I'd seen you before. After all, I don't forget a pretty face like that."

I feel my cheeks get warm and I cover my mouth with my hand to hide an embarrassed smile.

"And it's just Sano." Sanosuke finally gives his attention to Ayame once her sister starts in on the tormenting as well. "Okay okay! Calm down!"

Dr. Gensei laughs and pats his knee, enjoying the show too much to stop his granddaughters. I take a seat on the porch with him, watching quietly as Sanosuke, Ayame, and Suzume play games with the bright red ball. I catch Sanosuke cheat once or twice, but Ayame notices as well and scolds him. He seems to fit in very well.

"Does Sanosuke-san live here with Kaoru?" I ask the doctor.

Gensei shakes his head as he straightens out his mustache. "No, but he's here just about every time I visit."

Every now and then Sanosuke looks up from his game and winks at me, and I think I'm the only one who notices. I'm not used to having men pay that kind of attention to me. I make a guess that Sanosuke is younger than me too, so perhaps that's why. Of course, it could all be in my head. I wonder how Saitou would react, meeting someone as vibrant as Sanosuke.

I stay outside for about 20 minutes before I feel a little hot, and I decide to see how Eiji's lesson is going. I had a kendo lesson myself when I was a bit younger than him, a neighbor of the family had taught me. However, my father didn't approve of it, and I could probably barely pick up a sword today. I get directions from Dr. Gensei and walk the porch around the large dojo until I find the wide doors to the training hall. They're open for light and for air. I peek in and see Kaoru's back to me, Yahiko and Eiji both with wooden bokkens. Kaoru is having them do an excersise with structure.

"Eiji, keep your left arm straight." Kaoru speaks out.

Eiji quickly fixes himself, glances over to Yahiko, and continues the chopping motion he was doing before. I know by the look on his face that he's taking this very seriously. I'm glad to see so much dedication in him.

Now, if he could apply that same dedication to his schoolwork, it would be wonderful.

I hear a pair of footsteps calmly approaching me, and I turn around to see who it is. It is a man I haven't met before. He has long red hair pulled in a tie behind him. I spot a bucket of tofu in his hand, and a sword on his left side. This must have been Kenshin.

He glances up and gets a surprised look on his face to see me here. I note that he is very handsome.

"Oro?" He asks.

I smile at him and bow. "Ohayo gozaimasu." I say as he comes to the same doors as me, standing on the ground.

Before he can reply, Kaoru's voice calls out from the dojo. "Kenshin! I've been waiting for you to get back!"

I turn my attention towards Kaoru, who lowers her practice sword and runs to the door of the dojo.

"Kenshin, my new student is here!" She says excitedly, grabbing onto the sleeve of Kenshin's gi and nearly dragging him onto the porch. Kenshin barely keeps hold of the tofu. I'm surprised at how aggressive... and strong... Kaoru is.

Kenshin stumbles into the practice hall, blinking confusion at what was going on. He spots Eiji and seems to recognize him.

"Kenshin!" Eiji shouts, running up to him.

"E-Eiji..." Kenshin speaks, stunned. However, from what I can see, his shocked expression quickly changes into a smile. "Eiji, it is good to see you again."

Eiji smirks and makes a fist. "You too, Kenshin. I'm one step closer to being a great sword master." He throws his bokken over his shoulder with a sense of pride. "Is weasel-girl with you?"

'Weasel-girl?' I think. Who is Eiji talking about?

Kenshin laughs. "Misao-dono lives in Kyoto, de gozaru na."

Eiji shrugs it off. "Too bad for her."

"Eiji..." Kenshin's voice seems curious. "You got here all by yourself?"

Eiji shakes his head. "Nah, Tokio brought me." Eiji points his thumb in my direction.

Kenshin suddenly stiffens up a bit, and as to why I don't know. "T-T-Tokio?" He repeats, slowly turning around to look at me. He acts like he's seen a ghost and drops the tofu in his hand.

Yahiko quickly skids across the floor and catches the pail before it hit, letting out a sigh of relief. "Oi, Kenshin! What's the deal?"

"Kenshin?" Kaoru asks.

Kenshin shakes his head and puts his hand behind his back, laughing the situation off. "G-gomen... I wasn't thinking..."

Kaoru smacks his shoulder and sighs. "Kenshin, don't be rude." She puts a smile on her face and trots over to my side, seeing my confusion. "Tokio-san, this is Kenshin, he lives with us at the dojo."

I bow again, this time getting the opportunity to properly introduce myself. "Ohayo gozaimasu, Kenshin-san. My name is Fujita Tokio. I've heard quite a bit about you from Eiji."

"Fujita..." He mumbles my last name, that same look of surprise still lingering on his features. "Tokio-dono, it is very good to meet you. And Eiji," He turns, "Kaoru-dono is a very good teacher, de gozaru na. You'll learn very quickly from her."

Kaoru beams with the compliment. "Ne, Tokio, would you and Eiji like to stay for lunch?"

"Lunch?" I say, "I don't want to be a bother..."

"Oh, don't worry about it!" Kaoru reaches for Yahiko and takes the tofu bucket from him, then places her hand on my back and guides me out of the room. "We can chat, and you can help me make it!"

-- -- -- --

I set the last bowl of rice down on Kaoru's dining table and take a seat beside her, Eiji to my left. Kenshin sits across from me by Sanosuke; Dr. Gensei and his grand daughters have left for their own home. Eiji and Yahiko are in the middle of a heated conversation, and I'm glad to see that they're getting along so well. Eiji has only lived with us for a little under four months, and he hasn't taken time to socialize much. There aren't any neighbors close to us that have boys his age either, but Eiji and Yahiko are talking as though they've grown up together.

I pick up my chopsticks once I see everyone starting to eat, and I glance up at Kenshin for a moment. I still wonder why he acted so oddly around me, but I drop it. Eiji told me he was an excellent sword man, and I wonder if he has a permit to carry a sword around him like that all the time. I'm pretty sure only policeman can. Kenshin is only a few inches taller than I am, and he doesn't look like a normal samurai, other than his long hair. I notice just how red his hair is, and he also has a cross-shaped scar on his cheek.

I feel my heart jolt and am grateful I didn't have any food in my mouth when the realization comes to me. Red hair and a scar on his left cheek, a great swordsman.... I remember hearing that description constantly back home during the revolution. Could he be the Hitokiri Battousai? Is he the one Saitou traveled with, the one who defeated Shishio Makoto?

"Wow, I can tell Kaoru didn't cook this, it's great!" Sanosuke's loud voice suddenly thuds into my wake. I see Kaoru fuming, and I'm not sure whether to thank him if it upsets Kaoru so much.

"Arigatou..." I say anyway.

"I told you a million times, Sano! You hate my cooking so much, then you can eat somewhere else!" Kaoru seems two seconds away from throwing something.

"Tokio's the best cook ever." Eiji adds on, swallowing a mouthful of rice. "She can make anything."

"Eiji..." I whisper, embarrassed.

Kenshin nods. "You do have quite a talent, de gozaru yo."

"Arigatou... demo, Kaoru made most of it." Actually, though Kaoru does know what she's doing, I could tell she was still inexperienced in the kitchen. I don't think I've ever seen someone come that close to burning rice... especially when it was still in the water. However, it's terribly rude for a guest to take credit for the host's generosity.

"Tokio lives on the other side of Tokyo, but comes all the way here for Eiji's lessons." Kaoru states, redeeming herself from the cooking insult.

"Ha, Tokio in Tokyo, that's funny." Yahiko says.

"Hm, I never noticed the coincidence." I say, smiling. "I suppose it does sound a little strange."

"So, little missie," Sanosuke joins in the conversation, "How old are ya? Eiji your brother?"

I'm not sure which question to answer, so I start with the first. "I'm 26, and Eiji is..."

"26?" Kaoru interrupts. "Wow, Tokio, I thought you were closer to my age."

Most of the conversation ventures towards Eiji and I, though other things are discussed, mostly between Kaoru and Kenshin. I'm glad for that--I worry sometimes that questions towards me will get too personal, especially if I'm asked about my husband. I do enjoy it when I get an opportunity to talk about the preschool, and I remember that I have a class to teach there tomorrow. I look forward to it.

After lunch, Eiji stays for another hour to practice, then everyone at the dojo gives us a warm goodbye as we depart, Kaoru telling me to come again soon. I think it's because she doesn't have many female friends around her. I'm glad that Eiji chose this dojo, the people are friendly, the place is clean, and I get an overall good feeling about it. Instead of going out to eat, I take Eiji home, pick up Kari, and use the extra time I have to make tempora. Eiji is looking forward to his next lesson, and goes on and on in rants to Kari at the table about how great it was, though I'm sure she doesn't catch everything.

-- -- -- --

I found out later that night that Saitou has to go on leave for work again. It's business revolving around a locomotive and an infamous thief, other than that I don't know the details. It's on the other side of Tokyo, so he should only be gone three days. I attend my first class of preschool since my illness, and all the students make my return very welcome. They've learned two more letters and one new kanji, other than that, I think the school was a daycare for my absence. I show the children how to tie obis, using the basic knots for practice. I'm surprised out how much the students enjoy it, and a few of them try to tie them on each other.

Saitou returns after three days, stays home for one, and leaves again. I keep busy with Kari and the preschool, but in that time I discover something that makes me very anxious. This fact alone makes the hours go by slower and makes me wish Saitou were back all the more. When he returns a week later, I wait all morning, but never get an opening to speak with him. Nearly giving up, I make salmon and rice for dinner, and relish the idea of all four of us eating at one table.

"No Kari, like this." Eiji holds up his chopstick like a sword, his plate mostly cleared with the exception of rice that has been spread around the rim.

Kari's fists grip the wide end of a chopstick and she thrusts it up. "Like this?" She asks.

Saitou puts down his water glass quietly, his narrow eyes watching the two. "And what dojo is he attending?"

I have to think for a moment, but then the name comes back to me. "Kamiya, I believe."

Saitou glances back at his glass. "This will be interesting."

I would ask what he meant, but I think I know. After all, anyone who had lived in the revolution may be able to determine who Kenshin is, but I don't say anything to the matter.

"Come on, Kari-chan, I'll show you outside." Eiji leaps up from his spot and heads for the door.

"E-Eiji!" I call after him. "Don't let her use your sword..."

"I know, Tokio. I'll get her a stick." Eiji says calmly. Kari gets up and scurries after him, wiping her mouth on her forearm. The two disappear out the front door.

I watch after him for a minute. "I wonder if the Japanese use of the sword will ever be turned away, with all the westernization..." I fold the napkin on my lap. "I also wonder if Kari should really be learning how to senselessly beat others with sticks."

Saitou smirks. "At his level, she's a fair opponent." Saitou directs his chopsticks to finish off his fish.

I hesitate before my next question, but with the kids gone, it's the best time to ask.

"Saitou..." I say, running my nail over the edge of the table. "Have you ever given thought to having anymore children?"

Saitou stops the chopsticks halfway to his mouth and peers over at me. It's eerily silent for a moment, but then Saitou simply continues with what he was doing. "It's not something I give detail to."

I listen to Eiji and Kari running around outside, scuffing near the porch and then back again.

"I'm pregnant."

Saitou coughs slightly as he tries to swallow his fish, and I watch him for any sign that I could interpret. The noise Kari and Eiji are making fades out as I wait silently for a response.

"Are you sure?" He asks casually.

I'm a little taken back. "H-hai."

Saitou puts his chopsticks on his empty plate and searches for his cigarettes. "Well, it can only be expected."

I don't know why, but I'm a bit disappointed. I start to gather Eiji and Kari's plates on top of mine.

"Perhaps we'll have a son this time." He adds, cigarette between his lips.

A sudden smile spreads over my face at that remark. Living with Saitou for eight years, that was all I could hope to hear. I can tell he's watching me as he light up a match, most likely curious about the obnoxious grin on my face.

"Maybe," I say, "Maybe."


	13. You're So Beautiful

Author notes: I love this chapter for all sorts of reasons, and I get to crank up the drama. Have fun!

To Jisatsu Silence: Actually, the dizzy spell was from the sickness, but hey, who cares?

To Rabid Turtle: Yes, Sano does seem interested, doesn't he? Aw… how cutely devastating for him.

Chapter 13: You're So Beautiful

I calmly sit at my desk at the front of my classroom, my chin in my palm as I gaze out my window at the early afternoon sky. From this window I can see over several houses to a few low, grassy green hills, hills that mask the horizon from steeping any further out. If my vision could keep on stretching past the miles of land and city, I'd eventually reach Osaka, my hometown. It has been over a year since I last visited my parents and siblings, and in the moment I miss them. Of course, my gaze rises from the hills to the light blue, cloudless sky. Saitou has been gone again for two weeks now, and yet again I'm clueless to when he comes home. And being perfectly healthy for this span of time, I have to occupy myself the usual way, teaching my students and taking care of Kari and Eiji. I often wonder what it would have been like it Saitou never took trips like this, if he were a normal policeman, or not one at all. I ponder on the thought of having met Saitou on normal terms and not under arrangement. Would we still have married?

I smile inwardly. I know the answer. Absolutely not. Looking back on my younger years, I probably would have found his atmosphere dull and his politeness fake. Of course, it is fake; when he uses it in the way he presents it to my father, but as for the atmosphere... I wouldn't have ever thought his hidden life went so deep.

Why do I miss him so much? It's not like he's fond company... Whenever he's gone for long periods of time, going into the months, his returning presence with mine is awkward, and it takes a few days for things to settle down. Luckily, he's only been gone for that long a few times. I feel guilty when Kari wakes up in the morning and asks me where her daddy is.

I place my fingers on my abdomen below my navel, and smile outwardly this time. I'm ecstatic to have another child, and I just want to grab any passers by and announce it to them, or bellow it out to my class. Funny thing, I was thinking about telling Saitou I wanted another child. I want a large family, like mine, but Saitou is an only child and isn't used to so many kids being around 24/7. And with his work, at least for now, I would have to quit my role as a teacher to raise all of them.

Nonetheless, I still smile, the sudden idea of twins coming to my mind.

"Teacher?"

There's the proof right there, I'm daydreaming again. I jolt quickly back to reality and face my student. It's Taiki, the oldest boy in the class. He's nearly seven, and he'll probably leave my preschool within the next six months to go to an elementary, if he stays in public education.

"Hai, Taiki-chan. Nan desu ka?"

Taiki has several papers in his hands, each with the words "katana" and "hebi" written on each several times in sloppy ink. He hands them to me.

"Arigatou, Taiki-chan." I say. He's such a sweet boy. "Are these everyone's?"

"Iie... Amaya and Mamo are still working on theirs." He replies.

I nod. I place the papers on the corner of my desk and stand up, Taiki returning to his seat.

"Alright minna, finish it up. It's okay if you're not all the way done. Good work."

Mamo scribbles down the page in one line and then jumps from his seat and hands the paper to me, Amaya finishes a few more words before walking to the front of the room and doing the same. I put the papers on the desk with the others and clasp my hands together.

"Okay, good. So, who's ready to learn how to fold an origami frog?"

"Kaaaariiiii...." I peek around the door to her room, finding it vacant. I hear a faint giggle and see an irregular lump under the futons in the corner. Very quietly I tiptoe to the stop, then grab the lump on both sides and tickle it.

"Ah!" Kari laughs and rolls onto the floor, scattering the blankets.

"I found you!" I announce, tickling her ribs.

Kari giggles and squirms, finally rolling away from my hold and standing up, the back of her short hair messy with static.

"Okay, I want to play again, only you hide!" She points.

"You want _me_ to hide?" I repeat.

"Tadaima!" A yell from the basement calls up.

Kari jumps. "Eiji!" She looks to me, and as soon as I head towards the door, she screeches and darts into the hallway, taking the stairs as fast as her little legs can go. Eiji puts his new bokken on the living room table and hugs Kari as she smashes into his legs.

"Eiji, you want to play too?!" She asks.

Eiji raises an eyebrow. "Play what?"

"Eiji," I interject, "How was your lesson today?"

"Ah Tokio, it was great!" Eiji made a fist. "I got to do my first spar today with Yahiko!"

"Spar?" I repeat. I remember it's a kendo school and that it's safe, but the word did frighten me for a moment. "How did you do?"

"I kinda got my butt kicked." Eiji confesses. "Man, I'm only half as good as Yahiko if that... but Kaoru says my aim is way better than his was. Oh!" Eiji reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a small paper parcel and unfolded it, a round, cinnamon cookie in it.

"Here Kari, I brought this for you." He handed Kari the cookie. "It's not too close to dinner, is it?"

I shake my head, grinning. "No. Eiji, that's so nice of you."

"Domo domo domo!" Kari takes a bite of the cookie and beams.

Eiji rubbed the top of her head. "This girl named Megumi came over while I was there and brought us all cookies. It was really good that she did, since Kaoru gave us lunch and it kinda sucked."

"Eiji, you shouldn't say that." I correct. "And please don't tell me you said that to Kaoru."

"Don't worry, Tokio." Eiji picks up his bokken again and heads for the staircase. "I 'mind my manners'."

"I want to go to there too." Kari says, mouth full of cookie and green eyes pleading in my direction.

"Maybe one day. I met a girl over there who's your age, her name is Suzie. Perhaps you two can have a play date... if you ever meet."

"And Sanosuke says hi!" Eiji shouts down the stairs.

"We should have clams more often." Eiji says, using his spoon to get what soup was left in his bowl. He was growing; he had finished off two bowls in the time it took me to eat one. Kari only drinks the broth of her soup, which is disappointing, so I purposely give her more rice than normal.

"It did turn out pretty good, didn't it?" It's a recipe I don't use very often, clams aren't always in good season.

"Hey, Tokio-san?"

I catch the "san" of that phrase. He's about to ask me for something.

"Yes, Eiji?"

"Do you think Yahiko could come back with me after a lesson sometime and go fishing or something? Besides, I need to practice anyway." He says.

"Hmmm..." I hum. Honestly, I love the idea of Eiji finally having a good friend, but I have to remember my terms. "When is that math test of yours?"

Eiji sighs. "Two days, I think."

I nod. "Very well, you get an 85 or higher, and Yahiko can come over."

"85?" Eiji repeats, groaning. "Come on Tokio, usually it's 80."

"I could make it 90."

"Okay okay, 85. I'll get an 85 on my stupid math test."

"Don't denounce arithmetic in front of Kari, Eiji."

I clean up dinner and get the dishes in the sink when I remember some things I left at the preschool building that I need to get done. I could set up for my next class there too.

"Eiji, can you come here for a minute please?" I call into the living room.

Eiji retreats into the kitchen. "Yeah?"

"I need to run down to Seishun for a little while, can you watch Kari for me?" I ask.

"Sure." Eiji agrees.

"And help her do the dishes, but make sure she does most of them."

"Hai."

With that taken care of, I collect some things out of my sewing room and head down to the preschool.

The sun is on the border of setting when I get to the school, but it still gives plenty of light to see by. I probably shouldn't come so late, but I don't plan on staying for too long, and I have some candles inside.

I walk up the stairs to the school, unlock the door with my key, and close it behind me.

All the rows of desks are empty, the ground scattered with pieces of papers and crumbs. I should sweep before I leave. I head to the front of the room and pick up a short stack of papers out of a basket on my own desk, thumbing through them to make sure they're the right ones, and put them in the bag I brought with me. I usually write up progress reports on the children a few times a year for the parents, so they can see how well their son or daughter is doing, or see if some at-home study time is necessary. I find it very helpful in my teaching to take the time to fill these out.

I spot a red origami frog against the crevice of the room where the floor meets the wall. I pick it up, looking over it. There's one fold missing, but it still looks like the animal is was created to be. My mother taught me all sorts of origami when I was growing up, and I always put a string of origami outside the house during the New Year's festival, with Kari's help. I place this one neatly in my basket so I won't forget to ask who it belongs to tomorrow.

Going to the closet on the other side of the low chalkboard, I pull out a broom and begin sweeping over the floorboards, getting what dirt lay there into a pile. I should probably dust too while I'm hear, a dirty environment isn't a good one for teaching.

I work the growing dirty piled slowly over the room, sweeping under the desks as I go, brushing by all the corners where dust bunnies can form. Once I finally get over the whole room, I open the front door and sweep the pile of f the edge of the porch. The air has a faint blue glow to it now. I'll finish cleaning and then go home.

I glance up to see someone headed toward the school, and it takes me a minute to recognize him.

"Konban wa, Oushige-san." I say, moving to the edge of the porch to sweep it off as well. Oushige Yuuhi is Amaya's father, he's come to pick her up a few times when Touru can't make it. He didn't show up today, but has been often lately.

"Konban wa, Tokio." He replies calmly, placing his hands in the pockets of his western-style slacks. "Why are you here so late?"

"I'm just tidying things up." I answer, brushing the broom over the top step.

"I see."

I lift the broom off the floor and step back inside the building to put it in the closet. I search the top shelf for the dust rag, but it's not there. I wonder if it fell...

"Still, it's a little late for a young woman to be out by herself." Oushige's voice speaks behind me.

I turn around, surprised that Oushige has bothered to stay. I turn back to the closet and scan the floor for the rag. "I'm almost done here, then I'll head back." It's not there. With a sigh I stand on my toes and peer over the top shelf, patting it down with my hand for any sign of the rag. My fingers brush against its edge, but at the same time I feel something brush against my neck. I jump, spinning around.

It's Oushige-san.

"You're so beautiful..." He whispers to me, his face dangerously close to mine.

My heartbeat quickens so much that I can feel it beating against my ribs. "O-Oushige..." I duck out of his way and head towards the bag that I left of my desk. I quickly snatch it and head for the door, only to see Oushige blocking my way.

"What's the hurry? You're not done yet, are you?" He asks solemnly.

"G-gomen nasai, Oushige-san, but it _is_ getting dark, and..." I barely finish my sentence before I try to get around him. He steps to the side and blocks me again. I start to panic, but I try not to show it.

"Please don't..." I say, looking away from him, both hands gripped tightly to my bag.

I feel his finger brush my temple and smooth the hanging strand of hair their behind my ear. I take a deep breath and push passed him, thinking that's the end of it, but his hand darts out and grabs my shoulder, nearly throwing me back into his view and against the chalkboard. He doesn't let go.

"Oushige, you're hurting me..." I whimper, terrified.

"That's the least of your worries." He says slickly, sliding his other hand over my neck and to the facing of my kimono. He slowly tries to slip it off my shoulder.

"Yamete!" I scream, dropping my bag and trying to push his arms away from me, madly flailing to release his grip on me. I push him off of me the best I can, squirming like a fish out of water. "Let me go!"

Oushige slams me hard back to the chalkboard as I twist violently. I push him back a step, but he forces me back. I try to get around him, taking him with me, but he's too strong, and he shoves me into the sharp edge of the chalkboard. I cry out as the metal edge slices into the back of my upper arm, unevenly cutting through my sleeve and my skin.

"If you'd stop struggling, you wouldn't get hurt." His voice is calm, though his face shows anger towards my actions. I manage to lift myself off the board edge and get cornered against the closet. Oushige's hands pull one of my sleeves down.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks. "YAMETE!" I scream again. Amidst my struggle, I get enough weight off of my right leg to kick him, and with as much power as I can muster, I slam my foot straight into his groin. He immediately releases me and I take off for the door, the door that is still open at the other end of the room. I burst out onto the porch and take my first step, but my victory is short-lived. The back collar of my kimono is yanked back and I see Oushige's arm wrap around my waist, dragging me back into the preschool. He removes one of his hands only long enough the shut the door.

Oushige curses at me and throws his fist up, hitting me behind my ear. A sharp pain spreads from where his knuckles collided with my head and I fall backwards, smashing into the floor and nearly hitting the wall. My hand races to the spot of impact and my eyes dart to locate him as I push myself off the floor.

That's when I made my mistake. I didn't get up fast enough.

Oushige's body tackles itself onto me and slams me back onto the floor. His fingers dig into my shoulders and his knees hold down each of my thighs, his weight crushing them painfully. The light from outside is slowly dimming away, and a shoulder is released as his hand runs down to my obi and claws at its bindings.

"TASUKETE!" I scream, trying to break lose from his grip, but I have less chance than an insect trying to struggle from the beak of a raven.

I keep screaming at him, to anyone who will hear me, but he doesn't listen, nor does anyone else. He gives up trying to prod my loosened obi away and instead manages to slide it down my waist and over my legs. I try to get and opportunity to kick him off, but it won't work. He won't move. Oh god, please help me. Please get him off of me!

"Yamete! Yamete!" I call for him to stop over and over, scratching his forearms over and over with my nails. He doesn't feel it. I don't see any pain or discomfort in his eyes, only a disgusting look of hunger, like I were a piece of meat.

He successfully removes my obi and rips open my kimono. I scream again and continue to jerk around, trying desperately to throw off his balance. He either gets frustrated with me or does lose his balance, because he harshly clutches onto my breasts and drops onto me. Hot tears fall down my cheeks and I become immobile. I can't yell anymore, I only cry, cry and whimper the name of the man who isn't here.

Then Oushige rapes me on the floor of the Seishun Preschool, and leaves.


	14. Tears and Torture

Author's note: Oh my heck! I'm updating! After a million reviews in my inbox and the realization that I hadn't updated for 8 months, I got down to business and wrote a chapter!

My list of excuses: Um, my mac did shut down for a while, but that only gives me one month's leisure. I have been working a lot on my Fushigi Yuugi fic, but this one has been so neglected… so I took the last two days to summarize all my chapters so I could remember everything I had written, and here ya go! I hope I didn't lose too many readers with my laziness!

To Rabid Turtle: When I re-read chapter 13 on ffnet, I noticed the jump too, and I apologize. I should probably fix it… anyway, thank you for your detailed review, I really appreciated it. Bad things do happen when Saitou leaves… I'm a horrible person. Don'tcha love it?

To JadeGoddess: I suppose Tokio is still a bit naïve. She didn't think it would be dangerous going back at dusk.

To Nekoneko: I agree with you that the story shoots off in several directions. I get need to pull away from the drama and work on the story line!

To Kamiyama: Very good points in your review. Honestly, I didn't realize Saitou was Saitou's last name until several chapters into this story. ;; However, I think I like it the way it is. I know Kari isn't a Japanese name (unless I change it to Yukari) but I figured it was cute, and most people wouldn't know. I also didn't know Saitou had three sons, thanks for informing me of that. I base this fiction off the anime, where they're not mentioned. But again, thank you for setting me straight!

To LMD: You're printing the story out? Wicked. Kenshin knows who Tokio is, but the others will have to find out for themselves!

To Joselyngreenleaf: And the award for the most persistent reviewer goes to… (ha ha, thanks.)

To all: Sorry for my late update again! And I can't reply to everyone, there were so many reviews! (many pleading for me to update. Here ya go!)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter 14: Tears and Torture

"Come on Kari, we can play tag outside."

"Mommy?"

"Don't worry, she's just tired. Let's go play outside and let her take a nap."

"But..."

"We can go get you a treat for breakfast, what do you say?"

"...Ok."

Thank you, Eiji. Thank you for taking care of her.

I don't know how long I lay there after he left, but when I finally got up, sore and bruised, it was completely dark. I held my kimono together and picked up my obi, then limped my way home. I passed Eiji in the living room, doing his homework by candlelight. He said something to me, I don't know what. I just walked by him to my bedroom, collapsed on the floor, and wept. Maybe he heard me, maybe he didn't... but I woke up this morning, feeling like a corpse. Dried tears clung to my eyes and cheeks, Kari was awake, but I didn't move, and I still can't move. I lay dead for a time I don't bother to keep track of. Eiji and Kari come inside, Eiji and Kari go upstairs, Eiji and Kari are in the kitchen, Eiji and Kari are outside again. I place a hand on my abdomen. I realize the high risk I have now of miscarrying my child... he was so rough with me.

I finally peel myself off the floor and sit up. A sharp pain races through my arm. I reach back and touch a caked-over wound, the one I had gotten from the chalkboard. I pull my hand away, forgetting it, and slowly raise my sore bones off the floor. I lean against the wall and pick up my sleeping robe, the one I had never changed into the night before. I slowly leave my room, take a few steps down the hall, and step into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I walk past the toiletries to the second door, and step into the bathhouse. I drop the sleeping robe on the floor and drag my feet to the tub, kneel at the pump, and begin pumping water into the bath. Every time I push down onto the handle my shoulder physically complains to me, but I continue until the bath is mostly full. I lean on the tub and stand back up, slowly pulling pins out of my tangled hair. It falls down in knots, and I don't tie it up. I allow my ripped and bloodstained kimono to fall to the floor, and step into the ice cold water, sinking into its midst. I hold my entire body under the water for as long as I can stand it, then finally come back up for air, shivering. I finally dare to look at my body.

I'm covered. I'm covered in bruises, bruises that cover my shoulders, breasts, hips, and thighs. The cold water is starting to numb the pain that radiates from my entire form, light trails of blood floating on the water's surface by my left arm. Something prods me from the wall of the tub, and I reach back to find it, but the wall is smooth. I lean back and feel it again, so I check my back, locating something sticking out of it. I pull on it and wince. Pinching it between my fingers, I rip it out, clenching my teeth together. I bring it to my face to look at it. It's a long, thick splinter, one that's two or three centimeters long. I must have gotten it from...

I drop the sliver of wood and cover my face with my hands, a new storm of tears coming. My tears provide warmth to my icy hands. I inhale sharply, the air running over my lungs unevenly. After several minutes I splash my red face with water, trying to cool it down. I look through my wet eyelashes to the yellow bar of soap at the corner of the tub, and I lunge for it, spinning it around in my palms until they're covered in suds. I scrub soap over my arms, over my stomach, face, legs, and hair. I force soap into the gash on my shoulder, the cut that should be wrapped up in a bandage. I can't tell how bad it is because I can't see it, and I don't want to. I take the soap and scrub myself again, rubbing my skin nearly raw everywhere I can reach. I streak suds through my hair until my scalp aches. I wash over and over and over again, the water in the tub foggy and opaque. I wash and scrub over and over and over, and never feel clean.

Once the bar of soap has dwindled to nearly nothing, I get out of the tub, trying to keep my balance on my freezing feet. I dry myself off slowly, hurting again as the warm air thaws my skin. I ring my hair out without combing it and put on my sleeping robe, leaving the ruined kimono on the floor. I return to my room, shut the door, and sink down to the floor. I don't have the energy to cry, so I don't understand how I keep doing it.

It's late morning… Eiji and Kari probably haven't had anything to eat, unless Eiji made something. I can't believe how irresponsible I'm acting. I slowly limp from the bathroom to the kitchen, my left shoulder throbbing painfully. I get down a pot and have some trouble filling it with water, but I manage. I put it on the stove and start up the fire underneath. I hope they're fine with just rice balls--even thinking about food right now makes me sick to my stomach.

As the water boils, I stare out the window by the sink. Eiji and Kari are just barely in my view. Eiji has equipped both he and my daughter with long sticks, and is still trying to show Kari a proper swing.

I focus in on Kari, watching her green eyes concentrate hard on what Eiji is doing and trying to mimic it herself. He says something to her, which makes her face light up with a smile. Her dark hair bobs around her cheeks as she jumps with joy, happy to be a little more like him.

My eyes start to water again. I know I need to be strong, but I can't control it. I see Kari, I see so much of Saitou in her… she represents so much of what Saitou and I have, and then… and then…

I pull away from the window, sobbing, leaning over the sink as a wave of nausea hits me. I feel sick every time I think about what he did. Why didn't I fight harder? Why couldn't I defend myself and run away? I cry so hard I shake, and I cover my mouth so no one will hear me. What will I tell him? How will I tell my husband, the only man I've ever belonged to, that another took me? Touched me? How can I look Saitou in the eyes and say this to him?

I stifle myself a bit and pour some rice into the pot on the stove. It cooks; I shape it into triangles and place them on a plate. I can't call for them, not without my voice being choked. I leave the plate on the counter and trail back to my room. I stop at the doorway. I can't just go back to bed; I can't just lie in my bed and cry. I have things to do, things I can't selfishly put off just because I'm sad. I turn away from the door and head back down the hall for the laundry.

I thank God that I don't have preschool today.

----

"…Tokio?" Eiji gently says my name as I brush through Kari's hair late that afternoon. I gave her a bath and dressed her as well.

I weakly smile, "Hai, Eiji. What is it?"

Eiji knows something is wrong with me, and not just from last night. I've barely interacted with he and Kari at all today, I've been distant, I've had a hard time smiling. They don't deserve my cold shoulder. Now I'm just doing my best to be a good mother.

I suppose Eiji just wanted to see if I was all right, but doesn't have the courage to ask me straight out. "I can take care of Kari for a while if you want." He says.

"Oh Eiji, that's alright." I let out a choppy sigh, "Did you not have school today?"

Eiji shakes his head. "No, until after tomorrow. I have a lesson at the dojo though." He talks much quieter than usual. I wonder if he thinks his voice will upset me.

"You can take the trolley there, I'll give you some money." I pat Kari's back after tying her obi. "There you go, Kari."

Despite what I said, Eiji does take Kari away and tends to her by himself, upstairs in her room. He's probably reading to her. I use the time to make dinner, which again is a simple meal. It's only fried rice and salmon, nothing special. I'm surprised I didn't burn anything, I kept dazing off in the kitchen. After dinner Eiji does the same thing, he takes Kari outside or upstairs, keeping her occupied. At first I was upset that e didn't think I could handle my own daughter, but I realize he's just trying to help me. He's trying to help me, since no one else would.

I finally give into my selfish desires and go into my room to cry. Every thought I have revolves around that man, every time I try to clear my head I feel my bruises, I feel him giving me my bruises. Every time I try to sleep I dream about him grabbing me, looking at me, telling me how beautiful I am. I wish so much that he hadn't said that. I can never hear anyone tell me I'm beautiful again; it doesn't match the ugliness I feel inside me. I don't remember ever feeling this horrible, even when I was plagued with fever for three weeks. I start to wish that he had just killed me, and I'm terrified that I would even think that.

My tears make me thirsty, and I suffocate myself trying to be silent. My eyes are dry and sore, even when I've had enough time for the redness to wear away. My entire body hurts… it hurts more than it did this morning. My shoulders hurt, even my robes hurts when it brushes against me. What's worse is that I can't even contain my own emotions. I feel so much anger, so much sadness, regret, despair, and hatred in my heart. It makes my body hurt internally.

I cry until I can't possibly cry anymore. I weep until I'm withered and so fatigued I can't move; until there isn't a drop of water left in me for tears. Then I lay there, staring at the wall, watching the faint changes in sunlight that dance off it. I lay there like a corpse, a useless corpse. My bones are stiff like they don't plan on ever leaving this place. My head is too tired to think.

--- --- -- --

At some point I moved to my dresser, but I hardly remember getting up at all. I just sit by it, leaning against its side, holding my robe to my arms to keep me warm. I'm staring at the closet on the opposite wall when he gets home. He walks into a quiet house—I haven't heard Eiji or Kari for a while now, but I don't think they've left.

I'm still watching the closet when he comes into the room, putting his Katana on the other dresser by the door. I'm sure he studies me, looks at me in my pathetic state, not even dressed, just sitting there like a piece of furniture.

He says my name, but I can't look at him. I guess I was wrong when I thought I couldn't cry anymore, because the familiar dampness brims in the corners of my eyes.

He steps across the floorboards and steps in front of me, blocking my view of the wall. The wetness grows, and a cold tear runs down my cheek. I hate myself for crying.

"Tokio?" He asks me in his low voice, though it doesn't really sound like a question. I still can't look at his face, only at his knees that placed themselves in my line of view.

After some silence, I speak. "I've been unfaithful to you." I say, barely above a whisper. Another tear stings my skin. "I…I-I'm sorry…" My voice starts to crack again, taking away any dignity I have left. "I tried to s-stop him, I…" my speech finally shrinks away to a pitiful cry, more tears running along my nose and jaw, "I t-tried to stop h-him… I'm not s-strong e-nou-gh…"

Saitou drops to one knee in front of me and grabs my shoulders tightly, making my bruises sting. I get a glance at his eyes, which hurt me more than his hands do, and I immediately close my eyes.

"Tokio!" He raises his voice in anger, "Who did this!"

I start crying more, his grip tightening on me.

"Tokio!" He shouts again, "Damnit Tokio, give me a name!"

"Oushige!" I cry out, finally looking at his eyes. "Oushige!" I yell again, almost in defiance, my tears not leaving any part of my face dry.

Saitou releases me and stands up, walking back to his katana and out of the room. He leaves the house, and leaves me sitting there, weeping.

--- ---

Hours go by before he shows up again, long after Eiji and Kari have gone to bed. I'm still sitting in the place he left me, my tears gone and my face stoic, the parts of my body that hadn't gone numb were cold. He comes into the room, shuts the door quietly, and does his routine of taking off his sword, belt, and gloves. I do watch him this time, but without an emotion, without a sound. His face doesn't have the anger it had earlier, but an expression that matched mine, his appearance the same as it usually is, only more so, if that's possible. I look away from him again and at my hands, which are loosely intertwined together.

Finally he moves over to me and kneels down at me side, taking a hold of the collar of my robe. I pull away at his touch.

"Tokio," he speaks calmly, "let me see."

I don't reply back, but look back down at my hands. He pulls my sleeve down to my elbow, exposing my shoulder, part of my back, and most of my breast. It's the shoulder where I cut myself, and I'm speckled with both light and dark bruises. I can't see what he's doing; I don't want to see his face when he sees my body.

He leaves, and comes back with a bowl of water and some rags. He returns to his same place and puts gently leans me forward, putting a wet rag over the gash on my shoulder blade. I wince as he cleans it, but I try not to show any pain. He proceeds to bandage me, and when he's done with that, he looks over my other shoulder and both my wrists. My wrists are bruised worst than the rest of me, minus my hips. The whole time he doesn't speak, and neither do I.

Once my inspection is finished, he pulls my sleeves back up and makes me modest. I still face towards the ground as he puts the supplies away. He comes back and straightens the futons himself, and takes off his blue jacket. Then he comes back over to me, kneels down, and pulls me into his embrace, holding me close to his chest and resting his chin on my head. I start crying again, but not as bad as before. He kisses my forehead and keeps holding me. He keeps me close to him throughout the night, keeping me safe from anything and everything the world has to throw at me.

--- ---

It wasn't until later that Muraki-san told me that Oushige had been arrested for assault, and needed the attendance of a doctor from his jail cell since he had been beaten so badly.


	15. And Then it Rained

Note from Author: I give you this chapter in shame. I am lazy. I apologize. It's been nearly a year since I updated! I sat myself down (I'm suffering from a cold from Satan's eternal pit of eternal suffering, so I didn't go to school today.) and finished this chapter. Thank you to all those reviewers who threatened me over and over and flooded my inbox. This chapter is dedicated to you! See, persistence does pay off!

Also, I plan to finish this story off in about 3 chapters. (Knowing me, that will take 3 years. ;;) So hopefully I'll get my butt moving on that.

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To Baby Blues Jaded: No, the story is not dead! I'm just lazy! Your email was the final push that got me to freakin' finish this chapter. I think it came out well. And will Saitou ever say "I love you"…. Hmm…. We'll have to see.

To Jalilah: I'm not sure if I've ever read "meet Tokio" before, but I agree, the serious SxT fics are better than the humorous ones. I've read a lot that were out of character, so I try really hard to stay in character with Saitou. This was extremely difficult for some scenes in this chapter, so I had to cut the dialogue short. :( Thanks for the writing compliment, btw!

To Dragon-Vamp: I'm glad you like the relationship. I noticed that it's a lot more serious in the later chapters than in the beginning ones… possibly because it took a few chapters to ease my Saitou-Tokio awkwardness. Saitou is a hard character to write for, and this is my first full-fledged romance.

To Melaniesanzo: I really hope I emailed you about the name… I think I did, didn't I? Well, Kari can be used for whatever or whoever, so there ya go. I'm glad you liked the name.

To Reis Nailo: Thank you, this is also my first real 1st person POV fic. Your review gives me confidence.

To Joselyn Greenleaf: Persistent reviewergood in my book.

Lady Jaye1: I'm not sure when they'll find out Tokio is Saitou's wife. I don't think Kenshin would just tell them. I've had a few ideas on the subject. Of course, a certain member of the Kenshin Gumi may be visiting Tokio soon, and just maybe….

To All reviewers: I had so many reviews (and I'm not complaining!) that it would take a billion pages to reply to everyone, so I just did the ones with questions, mostly. Thank you SO much for sticking with me, and here's chapter 15!

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Yamete-Stop

Mrs. Fujita-Yes, I took an English liberty, so don't review about how I'm out of character.

Iie-no

Konban wa- Good evening

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**Chapter 15: And Then it Rained**

"Just relax, Fujita-san."

I press my head against the pillow of my futon, closing my eyes and forcing my body to relax. The woman who speaks to me is Hoshino Arisa, the midwife who has come to my home. She is the apprentice of the woman who delivered Kari, Sakamoto Naho. She is younger than I am, but I trust her abilities. Though it would have been best, I didn't call for her until a week after my incident—I didn't want to risk her seeing any bruises. Saitou is waiting outside.

I haven't had any signs of a miscarriage, but I wanted to be sure. I try to think about other things as Arisa gently checks me—anything to keep me from thinking about being touched there. I start pondering on what I should make for lunch, then for dinner, than a possibility for dessert, and then breakfast the next day. By the time I've gone through all the meals for the next three days and my next preschool lesson, Arisa has finished. She washes her hands in a basin and tells me everything looks fine, and I shouldn't worry. She says to call upon her in a few months to see how everything is going, and gives me a warm smile. I think she senses my uneasiness. I thank her, and she departs.

As I adjust my dressing, I think of Saitou. He has been so kind to me over the last week. He has only gone into work once because it was necessary. He gives me time to myself when I need it, but usually goes throughout the day at my side. Though I haven't told him, I appreciate his presence more than anything else. I don't want to be alone.

Fully dressed, I leave my room and head to the kitchen, peering out the door that leads outside. Saitou is in the corner of my view, doing something with Eiji and Kari. I return to cutting vegetable for the tempura I had started when Arisa arrived, trying to get the food ready by noon.

_I sweep the pile of debris into the dustpan, taking it outside to dispose of it. It's strange… it had been so bright and sunny just a moment ago, but now I find myself in the midst of the night. I peer up, but only see the moon—there aren't any stars. I return into the preschool and gasp. Here's there… standing right there, at the front of the room…_

_"Oushige…?" I ask, dropping the dustpan and intensifying my grip on the broom._

_He smiles at me—a sort of half-smile that matches the mischievous look in his eyes. His hands go into the pockets of his western-style pants and he starts walking towards me. "You're so beautiful…"_

_I turn for the door, but it's gone. Instead I find myself facing the chalkboard. I turn around. He's still coming towards me. I frantically look for an escape, but the windows have vanished. The room is closing in on me. _

_I try to run, but he grabs me with both hands, forcing my back against his chest. I scream, but no sound comes out of my mouth. He grabs my hair and turns me around, shoving my face to his mouth. I can't breathe. I try to push away, but I can't._

Now I'm on the floor, he's on top of me. I'm crying, but he doesn't notice; doesn't care. His hands plunge for the hem of my kimono…

"Yamete!" I scream, sitting up. My eyes fling open. I'm in the darkness of my room, sitting up on my futon. My entire body is flushed with heat and perspiration. I gasp for air and bring a hand to my forehead. I feel another hand on my shoulder.

"Tokio," Saitou's low voice whispers.

"Gomen ne." I reply, still trying to catch my breath. I pulled my knees up and rest my elbows on them. "Gomen…"

Saitou moves in a kneeling position, facing me. I can make out his outline from the moonlight coming through the window, and the side of his face. He puts a hand over mine and leans in towards me.

"Were you dreaming again?"

"Hai."

He sighs. "This is the fourth time, Tokio."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You're not at fault, you don't need to apologize."

We talk just a little more, sleepiness hanging on both of our voices. We lie back down, and Saitou pulls me close to him. I press my forehead against his shoulder and attempt to flush my dream out of my mind and will myself back to sleep. Though I don't like making these outbursts in the night, part of me is thankful for them. In all four dreams since the accident, I managed to wake up before I relive the trauma.

"The flower is blue." I say, ending the sentence on the chalkboard with a period.

"The flower is blue!" The class repeats with enthusiasm. They turn their eyes to their homework and slowly copy down the sentence I have drawn for them. I turn and watch them. Several of them race to see who can get the sentence written down the fastest. Those papers I find a bit harder to grade.

I turn back to the chalkboard and write the next sentence for them to copy. "Ki wa midori desu." The tree is green. I make my print fairly large so the figures are easy to read, especially for those sitting in the back. I turn around. "All right class, this sentence says—"

The door the preschool opens, and one of my students pops in, having run late to class. It only takes me a moment to identify her: Amaya. Oushige Amaya. I look at the five-year-old and instantly feel the color drain from my face. My heart pounds against the inside of my chest, and I put a hand over it to keep it from jumping from my body. This is the second day of preschool I've taught since the incident. Amaya hadn't shown up during the last one.

Amaya glances at me with innocence and quickly runs to her seat in the back. I shake my head and swallow hard. "Welcome to class, Amaya-chan." I realize my voice is shaky, but none of the children seem to notice. I clear my throat and quickly turn back to the board. Taking a deep breath, I say, "The tree is green."

"The tree is green!" The class shouts. I hear their pens scribble quickly onto their paper.

I quickly go to my desk and pick up a piece of paper, then walk to the back of the room and place it before Amaya. "Here you go, copy as many sentences as you can, okay?"

Amaya looks up and smiles at me. "Hai."

I bite my lip. She looks so much like her father.

I turn around and head back to the front of the classroom, rubbing my temples. A sudden headache as struck me. I stand next to the chalkboard and wait for the class to finish, but I feel uneasy. I don't really know why… I had felt just fine when class had started. This was the same anxiety I felt off and on two days ago, when I gave the lesson on foreign words. I face the chalkboard, trying to give myself a moment to collect my thoughts. My forehead is throbbing.

"Mrs. Fujita?" A voice calls from behind me. I turn to see Yoru with his hand in the air. "Are you sick?"

I try and smile. "Iie, Yoru-chan. I feel fine. Thank you." I pick up the white chalk and write the next sentence. "Shoujo wa kirei desu." The girl is pretty.

_You're so beautiful…_

I jump and drop the chalk in my hand, the piece breaking in two as it hit the floor. Why? Why did I think of that just now? Why does his voice keep penetrating my mind? My sleep? Oushige… Oushige has been incarcerated… so why does he continue to haunt me?

"The girl is pretty." I quickly say.

"The girl is pretty!" The class repeats.

I don't bother to pick up the chalk on the ground. I pass by my students writing down the sentence and head for the door, exiting the room and stepping into the late-July air. Looking around, I don't see anyone near. I lean against the door and take a deep breath.

_Konban wa, Tokio. Why are you here so late?_

_Still, it's a little late for a woman to be out by herself…_

You're so beautiful… 

I push both my palms against my forehead. "Yamete… Stop, please stop…" I whisper to myself, trying to use my own persuasion to stall the memories of that night. My emotions push against my eyes, threatening tears. No, I can't do this now. Not now, not while I have so many children waiting on me. Besides, I'm over it. I was over it days ago… wasn't I?

I pull my hands away from my face and peer up to the sky. There isn't any sun, any clouds—just blue, endless sky. I wish the sky would fall and just engulf me in its endlessness.

My hand reaches for the doorknob. I still have a few more hours of preschool left. It isn't right for me to let my own pathetic problems get in the way of these children's education. I open the door.

"Ne, Children, why don't we take a recess a bit early today?" I ask. The pens stop and they all turn around. Smiles spread on their face and a few cheer. Instantly they rise off the floor and come towards me, forming a line they way they had been taught. I step aside and let them pass. As soon as they are out the door playtime begins.

With the door open I go to the front of the room and pick up the chalk I had dropped. I get a rag and erase the writing on the board. I convince myself that I went over enough sentences with my students today.

I'm only halfway done clearing the board when my shoulder starts to throb. I drop my arm and wait for it to cease, but it doesn't. I can feel my pulse in the healing wound. It hasn't bothered me for days, so why is it hurting now? I can't help but look over at the far edge of the chalkboard…

_If you'd stop struggling, you wouldn't get hurt._

"Stop… please…" I shut my eyes hard, tears pressing through my eyelashes. "Stop!" I shout, balling my hand into a fist and slamming it against the chalkboard. I hear a small gasp behind me and turn around.

Kari stands there, eyes wide with surprise. "Mommy?"

I wipe my eyes quickly with the back of my wrist. "Hai, Kari, what's wrong?"

"Why you cry?"

"I'm… not." I lie. I must look… and sound… pitiful. I squat down to her height and brush her hair behind her ears. "Don't you want to go play outside?"

She nods, but holds out her hand. Between her thumb and forefinger is a brown and white duck feather.

"I got this for you." She says. I smile and take the feather. Without another word, she turns and scurries back outside. Standing up again, I examine the feather. The lack of color shows it's from a female duck. I run a finger over its smoothness; then lay it on my desk. I finish clearing the chalkboard.

The rest of the day went by rather quickly, which I was grateful for. I wait outside with the children until their parents show up—a routine I've done since the day Seishun Preschool opened. I was prepared to see Tohru show up for Amaya, but that didn't prevent my stomach from knotting up. Tohru's smile was the same, but her eyes revealed some sadness. She asked me if Amaya behaved herself. I told her she did, and that I was very glad to have her in my class. That was the truth, after all. Tohru thanks me and takes Amaya's hand, leading her home. I watch the two of them go down the road and realize that Tohru didn't know. She didn't know about my part, at least.

Mamo is left last again, and while I wait outside for him, Saitou comes into my view. He's in his uniform, so I assume he went to work while I was in school. I hope he's not becoming burdensome to the station. However, I believe he told me that he was off to work tomorrow, starting his full, long shifts again. I greet him with a smile. He smirks slightly, but not at me—Mamo is walking circles around me, his hand tracing along the fabric of my kimono, the other in his mouth. I admit it was a fairly amusing sight.

Makoto appears before me—She must have walked up while I was distracted with Saitou.

"Tokio-san, how are you feeling today?" She asks, grinning.

"Good. You're looking jubilant yourself." I say.

She nods and pats her stomach. "I'll have three come spring, Tokio!"

My face lights up. "Makoto! That's wonderful!"

"Yours and mine will be friends, ne?" She says as Mamo comes down the stairs and attacks her hand with his.

"Hai." I had forgotten telling Makoto about my pregnancy, but I remember now. Makoto waves and leaves with her son. I note a slight bounce in her step. I recall her mentioning she wished she had a daughter a few months ago. Perhaps this one will be lucky.

"Kari!" I call into the preschool. Kari had occupied herself drawing while I waited for the parents to arrive. "Let's go, Kari!"

Kari puts her pen down and comes running outside with a paper in her hand. She's not surprised to see Saitou there. She rushes to him and nearly leaps off the porch, Saitou grabbing her firmly to keep her from falling. She literally shoved her artwork into his face. "Look what I draw!"

Saitou looks at the paper. "That's… good Kari. What is it?"

"You!" She says with a giggle.

He raises and eyebrow and looks at me. I'm muffling my laughter with my sleeve. I had suggested to Kari to draw her father, but I won't admit it. I got a chance to see the finished work later—I must say, it had a striking resemblance.

Saitou puts Kari down, and we start walking back to the house. It's windy now, and the clouds on the horizon signal a storm is coming in. We didn't get very far down the road before Kari says, "Mommy was sad in school today."

My heart sinks and I quickly glance back at Saitou, who has both amber eyes locked on my sternly. I was hoping my fib would have persuaded Kari that I was fine. I suppose she's getting too old for that, now. "Ne ne, Kari," I open my hand to her, and she runs up and holds it. "What would you like for dinner?"

Kari starts listing off things, mostly desserts. I pretend to be fully interested in her conversation, but the feeling of Saitou's eyes on me distracts my mind from my daughter's ranting. I'm glad Kari's list goes on until we reach home. It prevented any uncomfortable silences.

I start dinner. It's a tofu dish and fried rice, probably the only two things that _hadn't_ been on Kari's list. Oh well. Saitou comes in the middle of cooking it and asks me what Kari meant. I told him I hadn't the slightest idea. It was strange how easy it was to lie to him; I've never really been able to in the past. Why was that? Intimidation? Maybe at first, but Saitou has always been one I felt I could confide in. But this was too personal. I'm fine, anyway. It happened a while ago. Perhaps if I had been pure when Oushige… well, then I would have an excuse to still be upset over it. In my situation, I was overreacting. He hadn't taken away my innocence, my child was fine, and my bruises were healed. There wasn't anything to be upset about. As soon as I convinced Saitou of that, I would be convinced, too.

We sit down to dinner. Saitou is silent during it. I usually can't expect a lot of conversation anyway. I hope he's not still thinking about what Kari said.

Eiji asks if Yahiko can come over tomorrow. Saitou will be at work, so I go on and say, "yes" without much thought. Eiji has Kendo in the morning, and he and Yahiko can come home by trolley. Normally I would have been excited to have a friend of Eiji's over, but my mind is stuffed to the brim with thoughts about everything else.

Once everyone is done, I start piling the plates together to wash.

"Eiji, take Kari outside for a moment." Saitou says, standing up.

Eiji blinks a few times at Saitou, whose eyes are on me, not him. "Uh, okay. Kari—"

"You don't have to go outside." I say. I continued picking up dishes.

"Eiji, outside."

Eiji seems confused, but takes Kari's hand and leads her out the front door. Kari asks if they're going to play tag, and Eiji quickly answers "yes." Is the tension in the room that bad?

I pick up my stack of dishes and head into the kitchen, not bothering to give Saitou the slightest recognition. He follows in after me and folds his arms.

"Tokio," he says in his low, stoic voice. Part of me is afraid of that voice, or maybe part of me is afraid of answering to it. "What did Kari—"?

"I told you, I don't know." I snap. I hear myself and am ashamed at my rudeness, but for some reason, I can't get control over it. I start pumping water into the sink.

"Tokio—"

"She's four-years-old, for heavens sake!" I say, dropping the dishes ungracefully into the sink. "Since when did you start taking her seriously?" I don't look to see his expression, but I'm sure it's not pleasant. It's quiet except for the sound of my clanking dishes as I wash them almost furiously. I feel his hand touch my arm and pull away from him without even thinking about it. I haven't let him touch me since Oushige did, why should I start now?

I'm going to start crying, I can feel it. Please, not now. Don't make me cry in front of him, again.

"Do you insist I go to a child to find out what my wife has been doing all day?" He says, his voice cold.

"Well, I'm obviously not giving you the answers you want." I say, pulling away from the sink. I dry my hands off on my kimono and try to make it to the living room, but his hand gets a firm grip on my arm and he stops me.

"Why are you acting like this?"

…Acting like this? Why am I acting like this? I was raped, that's why! I wanted to scream it out so badly. I wanted to throw a tantrum and scream like a child, but I couldn't. I couldn't because "it doesn't matter," I say. Those dreaded tears of mine come. "It doesn't matter. It's been done, so it doesn't matter, right?" I'm making no sense, I'm sure.

His grip loosens on me. "I…"

"I told you I was fine, remember?" I ask, finally looking at him with my wet eyes. "I told you yesterday, and the day before that, and last night. I told you, remember? So…" my voice chokes, "why can't you just believe me?"

I sniff and pull away from him, heading out the door in the kitchen that lead outside. I wanted to run back as soon as my foot touched the grass, run back into his arms and tell him to make me forget, make me forget what it felt like to be touched by another man, but I didn't. I feel a raindrop on my nose. I gaze up to see heavy rain clouds hovering over me.

I'm glad. I'm glad that I won't be the only one crying tonight.

It only drizzles, and before too long I put Kari to bed. Eiji stays up reading. I'm glad that he's been able to find an interest in books. When I head down the stairs I hear a clap of thunder, and then the pounding of raindrops on the roof. With some excitement I run to the front door and slide it open. The rain comes down like a monsoon, pouring into the night. I watch it, mesmerized. I step onto the porch and take my socks off. The cold sensation of the rain when it first hits me is uncomfortable, but in a moment my body adjusts, and the cold water has suddenly become soothing. Strands of my hair become weighted down and fall into my face. I hold my hands out; cupping them together and watching them fill up with water. The rain drums unevenly against my head and shoulders. Soon it pierces through my kimono, running down my chest and back. I remember rains like this… how long had it been since I had stood outside in a storm? I spin very slowly, absorbing the sensation of the beating drops. Because of the storm's noise, I don't hear footsteps until they're right behind me, and the warmth of a hand rests on my shoulder.

"It's my fault, Tokio." His voice is barely audible over the drumming, "I didn't protect you."

Protect me? I turn around and face him. His narrow eyes have a soft, almost sad look to them. Was he sad, too? I pressed a hand to his neck. "Hajime…"

We stood out there in the rain for a long time. Every minute or so the sky would rip with a flash of lightening, and thunder would crash moments afterward. I stood out there and let every memory I've ever had pass through my thoughts, at not once did I feel like crying.

When we finally went inside, I asked Saitou, and he obliged. He made me forget everything that happened that night with Oushige Yuuhi, and from then on, I vowed to only give my tears to my protector, Saitou Hajime.


End file.
